Radical Womanhood

Leftovers

An outstanding post yesterday from John Piper on the Desiring God blog (the emphasis is mine)...

After Jesus had fed both the 5,000 and the 4,000 with only a few loaves and fish, the disciples got in a boat without enough bread for themselves.

When they began to discuss their plight, Jesus said, "Why are you discussing the fact that you have no bread? Do you not yet perceive or understand?" (Mark 8:17). What didn't they understand?

They did not understand the meaning of the leftovers, namely, that Jesus will take care of them when they take care of others. Jesus said:

"When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces did you take up?" They said to him, "Twelve." "And the seven for the four thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces did you take up?" And they said to him, "Seven." And he said to them, "Do you not yet understand?"

Understand what? The leftovers.

The leftovers were for the servers. In fact the first time there were twelve servers and twelve basketfuls left over (Mark 6:43). The second time there seven basketfuls left over—the number of abundant completeness.

What didn't they understand? That Jesus would take care of them. You can't outgive Jesus. When you spend your life for others, your needs will be met.

Blessed Is the One

On Saturday, I spoke to the women of Grace Community Church of Ashburn, Virginia, on the topic of being contented or contentious. We began worshiping the Lord in song with one of my favorite worship songs, "Blessed Is the One." I can never get that song out of my head whenever I hear it, so it's been two days now of pondering these wonderful truths:

Blessed is the one whose sins are overcome
Whom God has sheltered deep within His grace
Blessed is the one who trusts in God the Son
His steadfast love the sinner’s hiding place

Jesus, Your blood covers all my sin
Jesus, Your love draws my heart to sing
What a Savior, Jesus

I will always hide at my Savior’s side
I find my refuge in His sovereign care
When the waters rise, God will hear my cries
His steadfast love will hold me safely there

What I love is the poetic emphasis on the steadfast love of Jesus. Without that as our heart's focus, it is nearly impossible to be contented. May that be your focus today, too.

("Blessed is the One" is from the Psalms CD by Sovereign Grace Music. You can listen to the song, download the sheet music, or purchase a CD or MP3 from the Sovereign Grace store.)

Make Every Effort To Be Self-Controlled and Steadfast

At the beginning of the year, I was reading 2 Peter and was struck by a verse that I thought might be what the Lord would have me focus on in the coming year. Halfway through the year, I was reading through 2 Peter again and found myself struck by the same passage. It says:

His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. (2 Peter 1:3-8)

This passage assures us we have been granted precious and very great promises through which we become partakers of God's divine nature, as recipients of His divine power. For this very reason, we are called to develop qualities that will prevent us from being ineffective or unfruitful in our knowledge of Jesus Christ. 

What struck me is the way some of these qualities are listed--knowledge must be supplemented with self-control and self-control with steadfastness. These are not the qualities of our age. Self-control and steadfastness are dusty qualities from a previous age. We like brotherly affection and love, but not the virtues that require self-denial or hard work. And by "we," I do mean "me." I like to gather facts and data, to grow in knowledge about a topic, but I am less enamored of doing the hard things that are required to be self-controlled and steadfast. Yet those areas in which I'm least likely to apply myself are the very areas where my witness is undermined or ineffective.

Can I discipline myself into these virtues? Hardly likely. These virtues are the result of faith and they characterize those who will have lifelong fruitfulness. But they are not the result of self-effort. They are the result of those who daily look to the One who can grant to us all things that pertain to life and godliness. Yet, paradoxically, we are called to make every effort to develop them--we aren't to grow slack and presumptuous about our fruitfulness.

So let's encourage each other today with the Lord's faithfulness in what He calls us to do. What I'd like to know is how you've seen others pursue the Lord for self-control and steadfastness. What testimonies do you have about God's grace at work in your friends or family? Let's celebrate these evidences of grace together.

Thinking About Water

Last week, I became ill with a 24-hour gastrointestinal infection. I have no idea how I came down with it, but as I was recovering I thought about a documentary I saw a month or so ago. It's called "FLOW," and it is about the looming water crisis in our world. 

During one of the interviews, an expert in water safety said that many of the random "stomach bugs" that we contract in the U.S. are actually infections from our water supply. Knowing the aging water supply infrastructure in the Washington, D.C., area and its increasingly common water main breaks, I don't doubt this to be true. But I did some digging online, anyway, and found this candid statement from a Canadian health organization:

The risk of microbial disease associated with drinking water is presently a priority concern among North American water jurisdictions. Numerous past outbreaks, together with recent studies suggesting that drinking water may be a substantial contributor to endemic (non-outbreak related) gastroenteritis, demonstrate the vulnerability of many North American cities to waterborne diseases and have fuelled ongoing debates in Canada and the United States concerning the need for stricter water quality guidelines, changes in watershed management policies, and the need for additional water treatment. 

If you think drinking bottled water is a solution, according to this documentary, there's even less oversight in the bottled water industry. I am cutting down on my bottled water consumption for that reason, as well as the concerns about harmful chemicals in plastics and environmental impact. 

But a larger issue that should be of concern to Christians is what is happening with water rights in developing nations. This documentary definitely had a particular viewpoint, but even so, it presents an issue that we should become familiar with. I know many Christians who are involved in raising money for wells and other water supply solutions--for example, one of my friends asked that people give to a water charity rather than provide birthday gifts--and this is commendable. But I also think we could benefit from educating ourselves on the larger issues regarding water rights. So I recommend that you check out this documentary (available now on DVD) and from there continue your research. I think it will be one of the pressing concerns in this century.

You're How Old?!

Several years ago, I started a mental list of marriages in which the women were older than the men. (This was long before the pejorative term, "cougar," was coined or the reality show was developed, thank you very much!) I was fascinated because several of my pastors' wives were older than their husbands, many of my colleagues had a similar age gap, and several of my friends were marrying younger men. 

This trend continues among many of my friends today. (You know who you are...) And now another friend, Suzanne Hadley, has gone public with (spoiler alert!) the story of her engagement to a younger man on the most recent Boundless podcast: 

At first, it was a deal breaker for both of us. But once we came around (in God's timing and through His obvious orchestration), we discovered some of the unique—and sometimes delightful—aspects of a May-December relationship. 

On the podcast, Ted and his wife Ashleigh also discuss their age difference. In their case, Ted is the elder of the two. How does the more-than-a-decade difference play out in their marriage? On many counts, they say, it doesn't matter. 

I walked away from our discussion with this: In the search for a godly mate, keep an open mind. Don't focus on incidentals, such as age, social status or career success. Instead, concentrate on the person. Is he or she godly? Are the two of you compatible? Do you see evidence that God is confirming the relationship? 

(photo: Suzanne and Kevin)

Ministry to Caregivers

Whenever I talk about the importance of the private sphere--the intangible web of relationships and influence that finds its heart in the home--I often mention that with the growing number of seniors in our world, we in the church need to start planning for this looming ministry need. And it's not just ministry to seniors themselves. It's also ministry to their caregivers. 

As the Washington Post reported yesterday, "Assistance for frail elders comes, the majority of the time, from a single individual. More specifically, from a woman: Seven of every 10 adult children who help frail parents are daughters."

It seems to me that relieving caregivers could be a significant aspect of any church's women's ministry. If women live longer than men and if women do most of the caregiving for the elderly, then it's a women's ministry issue from both sides of the issue. 

In an essay titled "Their Parents' Keepers," Paula Span wrote that women caregivers are still shouldering the burden, even though many are now employed:

We step up though most of us have jobs. For years, economists warned that women entering the work force would become unavailable as unpaid caregivers for the elderly. Plausible -- but untrue. Family caregiving continues at high levels, though more than half of adult children who help elderly parents also work full time, and 10 percent part time.

That can exact a steep toll. Most caregivers with jobs report sometimes having to arrive late or leave early; smaller proportions take leaves, cut back to part-time schedules or turn down promotions. A few even give up their jobs.

Nevertheless, "work doesn't seem to reduce caregiving much," Urban Institute researcher Richard Johnson says. Relatives "just do it. They suck it up. They make the sacrifices."

We step up despite the expense. The out-of-pocket costs of caring for older adults average more than $5,500 a year, a recent national survey found, causing about a third of caregivers to dip into their savings, cut back on home maintenance, or reduce saving for their own futures.

We step up even if we have children at home. Boomers deferred childbearing, so they can have dependents at both ends of the age spectrum -- the sandwich generation.

We step up even if we're elderly ourselves. Most adult children caring for parents are in their 40s and 50s. But seniors' lengthening life spans and declining disability rates mean that by the time they need our help, we may be close to or in retirement.

It's a good thing we do step up. Attempting to pay for the hours that families voluntarily devote to caregiving, which AARP valued at $350 billion in 2006, would break the national treasury. "Family caregiving is essential," Feinberg says. "And under-recognized."

Two heroines in the sandwich generation are my sisters. They have each added caring for their mothers-in-law to their own active family's needs. I marvel at them, having some idea of the personal costs involved. Maybe it's listening to them and other friends who are in the same caregiving season that has made me think about this issue. But I'd be curious to know what your churches are doing. Do you have a caregivers' ministry in place? If so, what does it look like and how does it function? What about a seniors ministry?  And if you're a caregiver, what kind of ministry would be most helpful to you?

Leave a comment and let's see what we can learn from each other.

Now in Czech

Next month will be the fifth anniversary of the publication of my first book, Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? Trusting God with a Hope Deferred. It's been kept in print by the thousands of women who bravely bought The Book With The Ominous Title. I salute your courage!

Now, this book has been translated into Czech. My publisher, Crossway, graciously sent me four copies. As I am not fluent in this language, I'm willing to send a copy to the first four U.S. residents who post a comment requesting it. 

I've already seen the Portuguese and Korean editions, and I met the young women who are translating it into Russian. But I am not yet aware of any Spanish editions, even though I've spoken to Bolivian and Mexican audiences on the topic. Maybe someday soon!

Anyway, thanks for your support. And don't forget to leave a comment if you want the Czech edition. No need to post your address - I will respond back directly to the first four who request it. 

You’ve Got Lies: Chick Flicks and the World’s Approach to Men and Marriage

Beth Spraul at Capitol Hill Baptist Church has written an intriguing analysis of the effect of chick flicks on our thinking. Like me, she is an avid Jane Austen fan, but she has raised some good points about what unguarded consumption of romantic comedies of any era could have on our hearts and minds. In her analysis, she identifies and talks about three subtle lies that can creep into these movies:

• Lie #1: Men think of romance and relational intimacy exactly like women do! 
• Lie #2: If I marry the right man, all will be right in my life.    
• Lie #3: I will know that a man is right for me by feelings I get when I’m with him.   

To be sure, neither Beth nor I are saying don't watch these films. What we're saying is watch with discernment. And watch knowing what is being sold to you because it can have an effect on how you respond to the real life men who try to initiate relationships. Here's how it affected Beth (and I appreciate her candor):

Ladies, beware of elevating worldly “preferences” and expectations above godly qualities when considering a man. Doing so makes you guilty of the same error that men in the church can make when they elevate physical appearance above biblical character qualities in us. Let us flee from holding on to Hollywood programmed ideals and instead look to God’s word for our criteria. Let us stop asking the wrong questions when considering a man, such as: Is he a good dresser? Do others find him attractive? Did I get the “feeling” I always thought I would get when my future husband would ask me out? And, is he romantic? Instead, start asking the right questions: Can he lead me spiritually? Do I see examples of him serving others? Is he humble and teachable? And, do the elders and other godly men commend him?

When my husband of now nearly six years asked me to begin a courtship with him back in the summer of 2002, I was shocked and caught off guard. I was only living in DC for a summer to do my counseling internship, and I didn’t feel like I knew him well enough to say “yes” when he asked. To top it off, my first instinct was to say a polite, “no thank you,” because he was not at first glance what I “imagined” my future husband to be. For those of you who knew Greg back then (can I get a witness, Michael Lawrence?!), he had a very laid-back type of “California-surfer” style to him—one that I interpreted at the time to translate...“slacker.” He had a bold, confident, and outspoken personality, which I interpreted to mean...“arrogant.” I knew we had different interests and tastes. He was a crunchy, outdoorsy environmentalist, and I’ve never been camping in my life!  

However, when he asked me to court him, he encouraged me to talk to three elders who knew him best—one who had discipled him for several years. He told me to feel free to ask them any questions I wanted about his character. I was so impressed that he was willing to open himself up to such scrutiny, allowing these men to speak to me about his strengths and weaknesses so openly. I was interested to hear from these men, instead of having to go on my own limited knowledge. I hoped to base my answer on his character confirmed by others, not on my mere feelings or instinct at the time. 

I spent the next several days prayerfully considering his offer. My instinct was to say “no.” He was simply not who I had “imagined” and it didn’t “feel” like a good fit. Yet, through the wise counsel of my dad and older brother, Scott, I met with all three elders separately. I was completely shocked by what they had to say about Greg’s character. They spoke of his humility, how teachable he was, his sacrificial service, his strong, natural leadership ability, his passion for God’s Word and his organized, disciplined work ethic—so much for the arrogant slacker idea! I soon realized that my brief, external evaluation of him was not at all accurate, and that I would actually be crazy to say “no” to the kind of godly man these elders were describing to me. They were describing by their words the kind of man I did want to marry, even if he did dress like he was from a California beach town! One elder said to me, “I’d let my daughter marry him.” Another said, “I’d let my younger sister marry him.” I had a decision to make. 

You can read the whole article on Capitol Hill Baptist's website.

(Photo: The marriage scene from the A&E version of Pride and Prejudice.)

Bahamian Hospitality

I just returned from a week-long trip to the Bahamas to film a story about a church that sent its one and only pastor to the Sovereign Grace Ministries Pastors College last year. It's an unusual twist on the SGM Mission Presentation because I'm not aware of any other church that sacrificed so much to send their beloved pastor away for nearly a year. The footage looks amazing (how could it not in a place like Nassau?) and I'm eager to start cutting this piece together. 

In the meantime, here is another round of travel highlights. Peter Bang is up first, showing off his Bahamian meal of conch salad and conch fritters. Next is a picture of the cruise ships that dock in the Hilton's backyard -- we saw different lines cruising in every day. (This picture was taken from the hotel beach.) The third picture is senior pastor Cedric Moss and his wife, Alexine, during one of our sunset beach shoots with them. The fourth is the pink governments buildings near Parliament Street. Following that is a photo of Cedric and Alexine Moss with their friends, Lynden and Shelly Nairn. Lynden was one of the men tapped to form the lay leadership team while Cedric was at the Pastors College. 

The next photo is of the extravagant Atlantis resort on nearby Paradise Island. The place is ginormous. We walked for about two hours, just checking out the seemingly endless marine displays. I caught this shot of a manta ray gliding overhead and a close-up of the venomous lionfish. 

It was hard to leave island life, but we managed to do it. 

Bahama Pictures

We've been in Nassau since Tuesday and have enjoyed wonderful Bahamian hospitality from our friends here in Kingdom Life Church. Below are some shots from our trip. First up is Peter Bang recording some ocean sounds. The second photo is Mike Hartnett shooting on an EX-1 camera. The third shot is a self-portrait with David Altrogge, the assistant director. The fourth shot is Drew Painter filming at Her Majesty's prison, Fox Hill Prison. The fifth shot is from our dawn shoot. Next up is Mike Hartnett filming pastor Cedric Moss at the beach. And the last shot is a surprise visit from a ray.

We're off today to shoot some more exterior images during the Bahamian Labour Day holiday. Hopefully, I will be able to post more images of our Sovereign Grace Ministries Mission Presentation shoot before we depart in a few days.