Invite A Married To Dinner

The typical illustration of hospitality in the church is an exhortation to married people to "invite a single over for dinner." But there's no reason it should only flow in one direction. Friends are friends. We shouldn't penalize them when they come in pairs.

So last night I invited some married friends to dinner. Only it wasn't at my house. It turned out to be an inconvenient time for my housemate, so instead of the hassle of rescheduling, I thought about where I could go with this movable feast. My friend Doug, a single man, immediately came to mind. He is always inviting people over and has made his home a hospitable haven. So I asked him if he'd mind if I cooked at his house. (He's also good friends with the guests, which was why I felt the liberty to ask him.) As is typical of him, he was immediately willing to do it.

One couple couldn't make it, but the other couple could. And they asked if they could bring their 19-year-old summer houseguest who is interning at a job in the area. So I cooked for five, a blended group of ages and stages. It was one of the most relaxed dinner parties I've ever hosted, and that's because I didn't do it alone. Doug prepped the house and set the table before I came over, and he supervised the grilling.

So why am I telling you this? Two reasons. One, Scripture tells us to practice hospitality (Romans 12:13). This command is set in a passage about life in the Body of Christ. Just a few verses earlier, the apostle Paul writes: "For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, although many, are one in the body of Christ and individually members of one another. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them..." (vv. 4-6). We singles don't have the same function or gifts as married people. (We don't even have the same gifts or function among ourselves.) We are each uniquely and individually equipped to serve God's purposes in His church, but we share the same command--to use those different gifts. What that looks like follows in verses 9 to 21. Among the highlights: Let love be genuine. Outdo one another in showing honor. Rejoice in hope. Be constant in prayer. And seek to show hospitality. So hospitality is expected of each member of the Body of Christ, not just the married ones.

The second reason I'm telling you this is to encourage single adults to serve together. I've held many jointly-hosted events with friends, from an elaborate tea for 40 women to a formal New Year's Eve party. Few single adults have all the china, equipment, or even space for such parties. But if we share what God has given us, it seems to work well.

So if you are drifting from old friends who are enjoying marital bliss, remember to "invite a married for dinner." And then ask another friend to help.

P.S. If anyone else has some good tips for the hostess who works all day and rushes home to cook, please let us know.

Comments

[Danielle]

Great post! As a young married wife, I often feel like I'm somewhere in the middle. I still have a lot of single friends (or single friends who just got married) and I'm trying to make new friends with married couples. It can feel like limbo and can be overwhelming at times to try to establish a new household and grow in a married relationship, keep investing in single girlfriends and try to develop new friendships with married ladies. To continue to be pursued by single friendships is a blessing!

I passionately feel like single and married folks can fellowship more with each other if we make the opportunities. This blog was a great example because we married folks DO still want to fellowship with our single friends!!!! And your example of singles teaming up to be hospitable together is awesome.

[zoanna]

Thank you, thank you, thank you for the exhortation to single people to invite marrieds over. As a woman married nearly 19 years and who's heard many great teachings on the role of older women, I can tell you that your post caught me off guard. I can't remember the last time a single initiated hospitality toward me, in the sense of inviting me or my husband and me, or our family over. (I can kind of understand we have a big family--an intimidation financially and spatially.)

Reading your post, I found myself saying, "Yes! Why haven't I heard this before( or remembered it if I have)?" I realized I had also thought that it was MY duty alone to do the inviting, but you sure put a spin on that misconception. Your spin is every bit biblical. Singles might not have all the "stuff" we have accumulated (matching dishes and silverware) but who cares? It's an honor just to be invited! (Besides, "eclectic" is in.) What a wonderful encouragement to singles and marrieds--practice hospitality. The Bible doesn't limit that to marrieds, now, does it? Hospitality means love, not dishes. "To bless, not impress" is the motto I have to remind myself of whenever I start to be anxious about having people over.
Keep up the good posts!

[Mick Porter]

Hi Carolyn,
Great points on hospitality!
I hope you don't mind but I am tagging you for this Book Meme:
http://unveiledface.blogspot.com/2005/06/book-meme.html
Kind regards,
Mick

[anonymous]

You asked for hosting ideas for the busy single.
1. Keep it simple. It could be a trip to the store to pick up a couple rotisserie chickens on the way home from work. Frozen vegatables are great and taste so fresh when prepared. Order pizza and make a salad.
3. Prepare as much food as you can ahead of time.
4. Set the table a day in advance so when you get home you can start heating up or cooking dinner.
5. Have easy appetizers ready for guests to nibble on while you are putting the finishing touches on dinner.

Lynne, Sov. Grace Church of Fairfax.

[karen]

Hi Carolyn...I'm 36, but I've only been married since September 2003, so I've had my share of experience as a single trying to learn and practice hospitality. My best tip at this point is to find a few dishes that you can make with great confidence. It doesn't matter if you make the same meal several times if you have different guests for dinner. Spaghetti and meat sauce with a tossed salad and crusty bread always go over really well. And I have a good chicken chop suey recipe to serve over rice with crunchy noodles. That takes a lot of the pressure off. I know how long the dishes require for preparation, which can be held for a while if the guests are late, and which can be easily thrown together after they walk in the door. I used to think that I had to be a gourmet cook to be a good hostess, but over the years I have realized that most people appreciate simple home cooking, especially if someone else does the cooking.

Thank you for your website, Carolyn. What a blessing you are!

[g-knee]

Thanks for the blog...great suggestions and encouragement!

[leslie]

The title of this post really intrigued me!

I love hosting dinners and usually invite four people (a random mix of people that I'd like to spend some time with. I have someone bring salad, someone bring dessert and someone bring bread. By having everyone particpate in the meal I only have to focus on the entree. As Lynn suggested in an earlier comment, I clean and set the table the night before as well as doing as much food prep the day before as I can. I've also learned that it is okay to still be cooking when guests arrive ... they usually enjoy helping. If I want to host a more elaborate dinner, I'll usually do it on a weekend so there is more time to prepare.

[redwolf]

These are great ideas. One thought I had was to invite married couples to come along on outings as well. I'm not one to do a lot of entertaining in my home, but I love to hang out with married couples. So, when my small group from church was hosting a whitewater rafting trip, I invited two married couples to come along. They had just moved to Colorado and were eager to experience some of our great outdoors. We had a blast together as we challenged the rapids, and now we have a common memory on which to build a great friendship. Now we can't wait to plan our next outing.