The Gospel and Marriage

There are many reasons why we want to get married, but typically we singles don't list "the gospel" near the top of that list. So today I'm borrowing from my friend, Mark Lauterbach, for his insightful post on this topic. As he and his fellow pastors considered this topic, these points came to mind. I think they are worth our consideration as we pray for the gift of marriage:

1. Both men and women lay down their lives in a Gospel-centered marriage. Both lose their independence. Both give their whole being to live out the one symbolic relationship on earth -- husband and wife as imaging Christ and the Church.

2. The purpose of marriage and family, should God give children, is larger than itself. The redemptive purpose of Christ controls all things -- including family life. The flow of redemptive history, beginning with Abraham, is about redemption of a new people for God, purchased with the blood of Christ. Families serve the Gospel by pursuing godliness, training children in the Gospel and praying for their salvation, serving the lost with the Gospel, and serving the church Jesus died for.

3. The calling of the husband is to be the responsible head of his family and to imitate the beautiful and glorious love of Christ for his people. I find this to be overwhelming: to turn my thoughts to the needs and care of my wife often, to think less often of myself and to think more of her, to open my life and heart to her so she knows me, to solicit her help and wisdom in all things. That is the short list of what it looks like to be a redeemed and humble sinner loving my wife.

4. A Gospel-shaped marriage is beautiful -- it is not repressive. One of the best apologetics for the Gospel is husbands and wives who love each other as equal heirs of salvation and live out their roles in a way in which they thrive.

5. In a Gospel-shaped marriage condemnation and anxiety are fought with the cross and empty tomb. Grace rules. We are not called to have "showcase marriages" -- but to humbly display the glorious grace of God to sinners even as we stumble along. Our hope is not in our excellent efforts but in the kindness of God revealed at the cross.

Here are some questions I am asking myself to grow:

>Does my wife sense any burden coming to her because I am being lazy? Does my Lord ever unnecessarily burden his children?
>Does my wife get my full attention? Is Jesus ever preoccupied when I come to him? Or does he give me his full attention?
>Does my wife get her heart's satisfaction in hearing the details of my life and heart? Do I follow Jesus who called the eleven his friends not servants -- because the master does not reveal his heart to servants, but he tells his friends everything?

As one of my recently married friends said, you're always "on" when you're married. There's no downtime for being selfish. It's stretching, but it's good.

My thanks to Mark for providing these points. It's a helpful prayer guide for those of us who want to get married. May we one day receive this gift with our eyes fully opened to the gospel purposes of marriage.

Comments

[Catherine]

Carolyn, thank you so much for posting this! Just last night, a friend and I were talking about this (reasons for marriage)- what an encouragement to read this & to see the similarity to what we were listing as we were talking :-) My friend is currently being courted by a wonderful godly man, and as I've told her many times, seeing their relationship is such a hope-inspiring thing as I see that dreams of marriage to a godly man do come true...
God bless you for your posts here, your book, and your continued encouragement to delight in the Lord...

[Jennifer L]

Wow! What a lot of work I have to do! What an encouragement to know that God's grace is available for each step of the journey!!

[Susanna]

So true! I know that marriage has brought me out of stagnation and really willing/able to give myself fully to someone else. It's also made me see my dependence on God in a greater way. Also, I like what Mark says about a godly marriage not being repressive but beautiful. That is so contrary to how many think about marriage whether single or married...that it is a repressive system. I think much of this thought comes from the concept of sacrifice in marriage and therefore is unwarrented, a product of our self-centered society which views sacrifice, especially on the part of the female, as repressive. But,it can also obviously come from negative models and be warrented.

[Sarah]

What a beautiful way of saying that! It sounds very much the way my man says it. He says he has prayed from day one that we'd have a Christ-centered relationship. In my own experience, I believe that God knows what will help mould us to His image, and this is the point of my marriage. He wants us each to know and love Him in ways we wouldn't otherwise.
Thank you for the wisdom you've shared!