Waiting to Be Interrupted

Before I wrap up this week's discussion about planning wisely for college, I want first to thank you all for your thoughtful comments. I have to moderate the comments primarily due to comment and trackback spam. I'm glad to say, however, that I rarely have to delete anyone for violating the comment policy of this blog. So thank you for making this little corner of cyberspace a gracious one. I am also grateful for your personal words of encouragement to me. I'm not able to respond to each of your comments, but, obviously, I do read each one. And I appreciate each one! There are times when someone might ask a question or request a point of application. Sometimes I don't have an immediate answer but I will ponder it for awhile and, if God leads, then create a post about it later . So keep those questions and comments bubbling up here! (Oh, and before I wrap up, I'd like to give a big shout-out to Meg Chavez in Sydney. Thanks for reading--and thanks for sparing one of your mates for the cause of the gospel!)

Okay, so back to the college-and-your-future discussion. I spent about a half-hour today looking for a quote that had been buzzing around my head for the last few days. It was about how it's the man's job to interrupt a woman's plans. I was sure it was something Elisabeth Elliot had said. But after flipping through all the copies of her books that I own, I realized it was Douglas Wilson who said it. What he wrote in Her Hand in Marriage was:

But boys must be trained to take risks, which means being confident in the midst of the unknown. As they do this on an immature level, fathers should work with them, and teach them, without destroying this masculine impetus.

Courtship reveals how necessary this masculinity is. Many modern young men approach a girl, and they are quite serious as far as their intentions go, but they are afraid of interfering with her life. "You know, she is going to graduate soon, but she wants to go to school at Notre Dame, and I don't really want to go to Notre Dame, and showing interest in her would really disrupt all her plans." But the whole point of courtship is to disrupt a young lady's plans. A godly young woman is not going to stand around waiting for marriage. Rather, she will be preparing herself for marriage. This means she will be heading in some particular direction, and not just marking time. A young man should not be afraid of disrupting, because marriage is by its very nature a disruption of her previous way of life.

This is a releasing perspective, isn't it? There is a tension Christian women can experience in trying to live for God right here, right now, while also trying to prepare for a possible future as a wife and mother. Because we creatures don't like the unknown, we often want to box God in and try to determine from the outset what our futures hold. Fortunately, for the sake of our characters, the Lord doesn't allow this. Instead, He asks for our trust as He unfolds the details He's lovingly arranged.

So, we are not to just stand around. We are to be making plans for the future--and praying for godly men who know how to risk interrupting us. As Elisabeth Elliot used to say, if you don't know what to do, then just do the next thing in front of you. As you are faithful with that next step, you can be assured that God will keep directing you to one next thing after another. And maybe one day those steps will put you right in the path of the man who is to be your husband. In the meantime, here's further counsel from her book, Quest for Love, about what waiting should look like:

Often a Christian man or woman falls prey to that cruel and vexatious spirit, wondering how to find marriage, who, when, where? It is on God that we should wait, as a waiter waits--not for but on the customer--alert, watchful, attentive, with no other agenda of his own, ready to do whatever is wanted.

Amen, amen!

Comments

[Amy]

Wow--a little preposition makes a BIG difference! So simple, but I'd never thought of it like that before. Thanks for this--I'm linking to you today! Blessings to you :)

[Amber H]

"There is a tension Christian women can experience in trying to live for God right here, right now, while also trying to prepare for a possible future as a wife and mother. Because we creatures don't like the unknown, we often want to box God in and try to determine from the outset what our futures hold."

I couldn't relate to this statement more! I am constantly grappling with how I can best navigate this time in my life. I want to be in a position where, should a man interrupt, I will have been able to get the best of both worlds: goals outside of marriage (college, serving) and preparedness for marriage (heart for the home). I try to sort of formulate a plan to make sure I've got all my bases covered so that I get my way no matter when marriage comes. There's definitely a tension there. That's why I like EE's advice to "just do the next thing in front of you." That sure simplifies things; however, I must learn to trust God that if my steps don't go the way I planned (ie I don't finish college OR don't get married sooner than later), that's OK. If my plans fail, it's going to be alright because God's loving plans will not. (His plans are better anyway.)

As Carolyn said, God simply asks us to trust Him with our unknown futures. We like to know what lies ahead so that we can formulate our own plans and take control, as if God doesn't already have that taken care of and doesn't already have the very best plan for our lives. Someone in my caregroup the other night said something about suffering and our futures that struck me. It's quite simple but easy to forget: If God told us our futures or made everything go our way, we would grow haughty and feel no need to depend on God! How sobering that statement is! It makes me grateful that I don't know my future! It forces me to trust Him! I'm so glad that God is wiser than I am and knows that it’s best for only him to know everything and for me to find out.

[Lynne Walton]

Thank you, Carolyn. This was a very encouraging post. I am finishing up my first year in college, and as the year has progressed, I have only been reminded again and again that I do NOT want to have a career, but that my heart's desire still indeed is to be a wife and mother one day. Yet, God has still placed me in this season of being in school, and I know He wants me to do my best and bring glory to Him here. But I have been pulled in two different directions in my mind- desiring a good thing for the future, and wanting to develop a heart for the home, but also wanting to obey God in the season He has me in. Those quotes were a reminder from the Lord that I just need to keep being faithful where He has placed me, and to trust Him that in His perfect timing, He will interrupt. Thank you for sharing this!

[min]

This is such a great reminder! All I need to be concerned with is what God has called me to do now. As long as I'm following His call, stewarding my gifts and my time, then whenever (if this is God's plan) the time is for marriage, it will be the best and perfect time for the "interruption."

It throws it all back on God's shoulders to orchestrate it, instead of me trying to make it happen.

[Catherine]

Carolyn, what a timely reminder! I just read "Her Hand in Marriage," and that section really struck me too. It's something I suppose I knew, but had never really thought of in those terms. That, as well as what you shared from EE, about "doing the next thing" are really helping to shape my perspective on life & what I ought to be doing during the years while I'm single. Thanks so much for the reminder. God bless!

[JMD]

This is changing the subject from this good post, but I'd like to submit a suggestion for a new post: Any counsel for how single women can handle the upcoming wedding shower/wedding day season with grace and dignity, and with genuine rejoicing for others?

[Jamila]

When I read the title of your blogpost this evening it reminded me of Doug Wilson's book! So it was cool that your mentioned His Hand in Marriage. God's plan for His daughters can involve college and being in the workplace for a season. It's so important that as women we use this time wisely and remember that give us an opportunity to reflect Christ's love to others.

[Laedelas]

thank you so much! The Wilson quote is very encouraging and one I'll be using now on :-)

[Lucie]

Perhaps I am misinterpreting the essence of Douglas Wilson's remark, but it makes me a bit uneasy, as it seems to indicate that all women are simply in a state of waiting for "something better" - i.e., marriage - than a career or educational goal that they might have, and I know from experience that this is not always the case. It may be that God himself has placed that latter desire within them, and that it is His plan a young man seeks to "interrupt." Men should be trained to use caution when implementing Mr. Wilson's admonition.

[mrs. c]

"Interrupted Plans"
by, Elisabeth Elliot

We like things to go smoothly and as planned. Very often unexpected things intervene, and our plans go awry. We think we've got "problems." There is another level at which everything that happens is being engineered. "God has no problems," Corrie ten Boom said, "only plans." When ours are interrupted, his are not. His plans are proceeding exactly as scheduled, moving us always (including those minutes or hours or years which seem most useless or wasted or unendurable) "toward the goal of true maturity"
Rom 12:2. Believe God. Turn the interruptions over to Him. He is at the controls.

http://www.elisabethelliot.org/devotional.html