Male and Female: Celebrating the Difference

Today I'd like to invite you to leave my blog. Yes, leave my blog and go get some outstanding resources elsewhere on the Web.

First, one of the best messages you will ever hear explaining a biblical view of manhood and womanhood is now being offered as a free download. It won't last long, so click over right now to download Dr. Wayne Grudem's stellar message from New Attitude 2004 conference titled, "Men and Women: Similarities and Differences." I'm serious. Not only is a world-class theologian giving this message, Dr. Grudem includes a personal testimony of how he applied these ideas in his own marriage. If you've ever wondered what it looks like in real life for a husband to love his wife as Christ loves the church, then listen to this message. When he gave it at New Attitude, Dr. Grudem ran long. As in, he cut into our lunchtime. But did people bolt for the door when he was done? Absolutely not. This group of young adults stood up and gave him a standing ovation. It was that good.

What? Are you still here reading? Didn't you click away yet? Well, if not, that's okay. I have another good resource to mention. This one is for single mothers raising sons--and for any single men lurking on this blog. It's how C.J. and Carolyn Mahaney are training their teenage son in what it means to be a man. Now, if you're a grown man, you might be tempted to dismiss my recommendation because you are long out of your teen years. But I bet you would still find some very challenging ideas there.

One of my favorite excerpts in the series is this one about chivalry:

Chivalry may be disregarded in our culture, but it receives ongoing attention in our home. That’s because one way to show oneself a man is to be courteous and considerate toward women.

With a mom and three sisters, Chad gets oodles of opportunities to practice chivalrous behavior. And I must say he displays consistent courtesy toward his mom. However, he still prefers the role of “annoying little brother” over the role of a “chivalrous knight” when it comes to his three sisters. CJ and I are working on that!

Here is how we are attempting to teach Chad to show honor to a woman:

Open her doors
Stand when she enters the room
Pull out her chair
Give up your seat for her
Carry heavy objects for her
Retrieve dropped items for her

"Stand when she enters the room?!" Yes. That's one gentlemanly courtesy with many wonderful benefits. For one, conversation usually pauses for this to happen, which is a gracious way to acknowledge a woman's presence. I know this firsthand because the men I work with do this nearly every day as I enter the morning meeting. It began when my boss, Pat Ennis, started the practice and soon the rest of the men followed. Admittedly, it can feel awkward at first. And sometimes I want to giggle because of the mad scramble. But you know what? Each time it happens it reminds me that I am a woman in the presence of men--and that there are implications for this in our assembling. Instead of being tempted to act like one of the guys, this simple courtesy reminds me that God made me to be different in being a woman. Not lesser than, just different.

I have another friend, Larry, who has been faithful to do this for years. Whenever the roaming horde of singles amasses at an area restaurant after church, he consistently stands to greet the women as they join the table. What a blessing it is to have your arrival acknowledged in this way! It's not romantic, but it is meaningful and refreshing in a season of extended singleness to have a man notice femininity in this simple way.

The series tackles these topics:

- "Son, Work Hard"
- "Son, Be a Good Steward of Your Finances"
- "Son, Keep Your Domain in Order"
- "Son, Kill a Bear or a Lion"
- "Son, Show Honor to Women"
- "Son, Lead Where Appropriate"

Bye, bye now! Go get those gems and enjoy!

Comments

[Sherri]

What a blessing of a post. I love that you wrote about this topic. At our church a few years ago, our pastor's wife had an epiphany: the women of the church only had the men of the church to model themselves after. She realized that she needed to be that role model for the women, to be women. Since then, we have started a series called "Life-Giving for Women" and it's all about the wonderfulness of being a woman, celebrating it and learning to walk as a Woman of God, not a woman acting like a man of God. I have been blessed with wonderful female leaders at my church and it's a blessing. Again, thanks.

If you have time, I recently started a blog as a single Christian woman. It's more of a journal, funny story kind of blog, but it has been a wonderful, stretching experience for me. Thanks for leading out in this area. God Bless

[Grace Petitmermet]

Hello Carolyn,

Your last point about guys standing when a girl enters into a room reminds you that you are a woman has given me the answer to the question, "why must guys do simple almost silly things for girls?" So when a guy does these things for me I shall remember I am a woman. Also I have a greater purpose to teach my brothers why it is important to do these gentlemen services.

Thank you for serving us by writing this blog, speaking and writing the book that has opened my eyes anew to the gospel and who God is.

[em]

I do appreciate the courtesy intended in these sorts of gestures, but they don't really mean much to me.

Pursuing meaningful biblical fellowship -- inter or intra gender is hard work. Could it be that we sometimes substitute formal courtesies for genuine biblical fellowship and then congratulate ourselves on genteel relationships with the other gender? Is God satisfied with that?

I'm not insulted or bothered by the formal courtesies in which the Mahaney's are seeking to instruct Chad. Nor do I notice when they are left undone. But they don't substitute for genuine biblical fellowship or relational respect between Christian brothers and sisters.

Brothers and sisters ought not fear to engage each other and challenge each other and dialogue with each other and encourage each other and serve alongside each other.

Blessing each other is not a mere function of conforming to certain social niceties that were common at one point and have persisted to some extent. If someone wants to show respect or regard form me as a woman (or a person, for that matter), perhaps they ought take the time to find out what would bless me in that way. And I ought do the same for my brothers.