Radical Womanhood

Discernment: The Messages

The theme of this year's New Attitude conference for single adults and young married couples was discernment. The speakers were John Piper, Albert Mohler, C.J. Mahaney, Mark Dever, Josh Harris, and Eric Simmons. You don't have to exercise much discernment, however, to decide whether or not to download the conference messages. Firstly, the messages are free. Secondly, look at the list of speakers. You know it's going to be rich, deep material. So visit the Sovereign Grace Store to download one or all of the messages listed below:

Discernment (Joshua Harris)
Discern Your Doctrine (Mark Dever)
Discern Your Culture (Albert Mohler)
Discern Your Heart (C.J. Mahaney)
Discern the Graymatters (Eric Simmons)
Discern What Pleases God: Himself (John Piper)
Discern What Pleases God: Personal Obedience (John Piper)
Discern How to Apply (C.J. Mahaney)

And check out the Na blog for photos and reflections.

UPDATE: Our apologies! The high demand for these messages caused the store's website to crash. We hope it will be revived shortly . . . so if you can't get through now, try back in a day or two.

Outward Decay, Inward Renewal (Part One)

It's good to be home! Thanks to those of you who prayed for our trip and sent notes of encouragement. We definitely were carried by God's grace and the prayers of His people.

I thought it was ironic that as I had to forego many of my normal grooming routines in Bolivia, the following article about beauty ran on Crosswalk.com. It was adapted from a chapter in my book. I trust you will find encouragement--and humor--in it, too.

Each morning, as I asphyxiate myself with my recommended daily allowance of hair spray, I am reminded of Sisyphus. This mythical Greek figure was condemned to exist in the realm of the dead, with the eternal, futile task of rolling a stone up a steep hill, which only tumbles back down when he reaches the top.

Every morning, Sisyphus awaits me in the mirror. Each day, I labor to push that stone uphill to a good hair day, only to wake up in the morning with the stone at the bottom of the hill—and with bed head. No matter how much effort I put into my latest beauty regimen, it’s always a race against decay.

According to Greek mythology, Sisyphus was said to be the founder of Corinth. I find amusing irony in that idea, because it was to the fleshly, contentious Corinthians that the apostle Paul writes with these words familiar to every aging Christian: “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18, NIV).

As we accumulate more birthdays, each of us sees the truth of Paul’s words. Outwardly we are wasting away. A few gray hairs here, a few laugh lines there, an upper arm jiggling as we applaud, an aching back just from sleeping—these are the indignities of aging. And it’s only going to get more undignified. My mother says that she, too, is startled to see the old lady in the mirror, and to observe her grandmother’s hands at the end of her own sleeves.

If you are young and still unlined, you may find this perspective alarming—and not as darkly humorous as the rest of us. If you are not prepared for the inevitability of aging, the day you discover that first gray hair or laugh line can be traumatic. I well remember once speaking with a single woman 10 years younger than I am who was reduced to tears after encountering her first batch of gray hairs. So I hope you will continue reading—as you will one day be there, and faster than you think! I trust the truths in this article will enable you to embrace that day, and not mourn it.

One more consideration: I’ve recently thought that it’s God’s mercy that we fall apart as we get older. How humbling it is to end one’s creaturely life dependent on others, unable to function as we once did, no longer as attractive as we were at our prime. It drives home the point that there is only One whose glory is unalterable. If that lesson didn’t sink in as young adults, it will certainly sink in later. We might rail against it, we might work hard to hide the effects, but we won’t change the immutable fact that “all flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls, but the word of the Lord remains forever” (1 Peter 1:24-25).

Beauty in the Balance

Does this mean I need to put down my hair spray can and back away from the mirror? Not necessarily. God made women to be beautiful to men. There’s nothing inherently wrong with seeking to be attractively feminine. The Bible certainly doesn’t back away from celebrating feminine beauty—one quick read through Song of Solomon confirms this statement. “How beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights!” (Song of Solomon 7:6). As Carolyn Mahaney writes, women should want to be attractive, especially to their husbands: “We need to discover what makes us attractive to our husbands. What clothing, hairstyles, or makeup do they find most appealing? And we should strive to care for our appearance—not only when we go out, but also at home where only our husbands see us.” But as single women, we need to be mindful of the heart issues surrounding this topic—I think we can be tempted to swing from one extreme to the other when considering physical beauty. We either become a slave to the mirror or else we disdain it. As in most things, wisdom is found in the balance.

[Read the rest of this article on Crosswalk.com].

Into Thin Air: La Paz

I've been told that it takes three days to acclimate to the thin air of La Paz. So just as we began to acclimate, we had to depart. After a week in the more remote, southern region of Bolivia, it was a a whirlwind three-and-a-half days in the world's highest capital city. Though La Paz sits at about 11,800 feet, the international airport is in the next town of El Alto, which is at 13,600 feet. We were dizzy and disoriented when we landed, but for the most part the effects of the high altitude passed in a few hours.

La Paz sits in a bowl, surrounded by mountains. This big city blasts a cacophony of car horns and bus drivers yelling out destinations and fares, as cars and people simultaneously navigate the chaos of the streets. (New York cannot compare.) Andean women, called cholitas, trundle along the streets in their colorful native garb carrying loads on their backs, mingling with businessmen, students, and street vendors. A few blocks from the tourist shops in the downtown area are the disturbing kiosks of the witches' market, where idols, llama fetuses, and other Andean religious items are for sale.

We spent most of our time getting footage of the city and interviewing pastors Johnny Dueri and Jorge del Castillo. I also had the privilege of speaking to the women of the La Paz church on Wednesday evening. It was my second time to be translated during a message and I think the Q&A session afterward really gave the translator a lot of work!

On our last day, we rose at 5:00 a.m. to head to El Alto to tape the sunrise over Mount Illimani and the city below. For two hours, we talked, prayed, and Andrew read Scripture to us as the cameras caught the time-lapse effect of the winter sunrise. The sacrifice of sleep was worth it to experience the fellowship. At the beginning of the trip, David had told us he hoped to be able to share the gospel during our travels—and he was faithful to do so nearly everywhere we went. So when a cholita stuck her head out of her shop window as we taped, David immediately seized the opportunity to tell her the good news of Jesus Christ.

The Lord has been very good to us on this trip and we return with renewed gratitude for all He has given us both in this experience and in the blessings of our homes and churches.

(Photos: La Paz as seen from El Alto with the 21,000-foot Mount Illimani rising above it; a cholita with her bundle on the street; Andrew reading Scripture to us as we watch the sun rise.)

Dust and Diesel: The Village Outreach

The second leg of our Bolivia journey began last Friday as we left Entre Rios and headed east to visit various churches among the remote indigenous tribes between Villamontes and the Pilcomayo River. We spent many hours on dirt roads, driving long distances between villages. We took with us two pastors who serve churches in this region--Miguel and Gito. Gito was especially helpful as he could speak several local languages and he didn't mind clinging to the outside of the Range Rover (eating dust and braving thorn bushes) whenever someone local needed to ride with us. These two men were incredible servants of the Lord and their joy was a godly provocation to us.

Along the way to Villamontes, we visited with a Guarani woman and had lunch at her home. The next morning, we had a fresh fish breakfast in the fishing town of Villamontes. We pulled up to a roadside fisherman, made our selections and watched them grill it right in front of us. I have to admit I've never eaten fish without plastic wrap and a sell-by date, so this was a novel experience for me. After breakfast, we drove to a Guarani village where we met with the local pastor and gave him a guitar. From there, the roads got narrower and far less traveled. At one point, as we stopped for a "bush break," Andrew spotted a snake, which he began to videotape. Unknowingly, he was within a few feet of one of the deadliest creatures out there, the coral snake. But God was merciful and the snake slithered away after making its camera debut.

On Saturday night, we arrived in the village of Creveaux to visit with a Weenhayek church. They were assembled in the church building, illuminated by only one propane gas torch. We videotaped their singing and speaking with our flashlights--which worked surprisingly well until the batteries died. We camped in their village and stayed for the Sunday morning meeting, during which Johnny Dueri spoke and was translated from Spanish to the Weenhayek language. Naturally, I had no idea what was going on during most of the meeting. But at the close of the meeting, they sang us a song goodbye and then each member of the congregation came up to personally greet us. It was a touching time.

Sunday afternoon, we headed to the Pilcomayo River to meet with members of the Tapiete tribe who camp on the banks of the river during the temperate winter months. We waded across most of the river and finished by canoe. Before we left for Bolivia, I had read online that the Pilcomayo was now home to piranha fish from the Amazon basin--a fact we avidly discussed as we sloshed our way through the muddy river bed. We didn't see any piranha but we did have another fresh fish meal for lunch. 

This time with the Tapiete tribe was especially poignant because the leader was a Christian who had faltered in his faith because he felt slighted by some previous missionaries who didn't support him as he expected. Pepe drew him out about this, prayed for him, and then preached the gospel to those assembled. It was a real turning point for this man, who then decided he would return to the faith and bring his tribe with him. This is not a large group of people. The estimates vary, but Pepe told us that there may be fewer than 100 people left--it is a people group on the verge of extinction. After praying, Johnny then presented him with a copy of Bible Doctrine in Spanish. I was amazed to think that there was a direct connection with my home church and this tribe--a book edited by one of my colleagues (Jeff Purswell, who distilled Wayne Grudem's Systematic Theology for this publication) and subsequently translated into Spanish would now support a small church in a remote corner of Bolivia. This Tapiete leader said he would like to build a church facility in their village, and Johnny and Jorge committed their church in La Paz to underwrite this effort.

Our visits to these churches were brief, but the pastors were effusive in their gratitude for our interest and support. As we took our leave from the Tapiete tribe, the leader begged us not to forget them and to pray for them. His countenance was completely different from when we first arrived--hope made him radiant.

The next day, we drove to Santa Cruz to catch a flight to La Paz, where we've been since Monday evening. We return home later tonight, Lord willing. Perhaps I will be able to squeeze in the final installment, our La Paz experience, before we take off. If not, look for it soon. And if you would, please pray for the gospel to go forth in these regions.

(Photos: Eating chicken soup at the home of a Guarani believer; David with our breakfast in Villamontes; David and Andrew after surviving the coral snake debut; Johnny and Jorge with the Weenhayek worship team; singing at the Pilcomayo River; Johnny presents Bible Doctrine to the Tapiete tribe; Pat and Esteban at the Pilcomayo at sunset.)

Warm Hearts, Cold Showers: Entre Rios, Bolivia

Twenty-four hours and four flights later (DC to Miami, Miami to La Paz, La Paz to Santa Cruz, Santa Cruz to Tarija), we arrived in Bolivia last Tuesday for the final leg of this year's mission video location shoots. Our luggage was daunting even by American standards, but we loaded it up on a Range Rover and headed out from Tarija to Entre Rios. Our host was Jose Luis (Pepe) Carrasco, a pastor who had been sent out from the Sovereign Grace Ministries church in La Paz to start a church in the small town of Entre Rios in the south of Bolivia.

An international red-eye flight with four connections cannot compare, however, with the jarring three-hour ride on the dirt road to Entre Rios. Since we couldn't fit all of our video gear, luggage, and bodies in the Range Rover, some of us took a cab with a driver who honked incessantly as he slid around the hairpin curves on this rocky road. Despite some of these eyebrow-raising maneuvers, we arrived safely in Entre Rios where we were hosted by Pepe and his family at the mission center he built next to his home. In addition to the video crew (Andrew Gallo, David Altrogge, and Pat Santavenere), I was also traveling with Johnny Dueri and Jorge del Castillo, two of our pastors from the La Paz church, and Jorge's son, Esteban, who was our translator. Johnny and Jorge were there to teach a seminar to the pastors of rural churches that Pepe serves in the Entre Rios region. They spent two days teaching through the book of Romans while we taped footage in Entre Rios and the surrounding areas.

Visiting this region can be challenging for comfort-loving Americans. Entre Rios at this time of year is damp and chilly. But since it is hot most of the time, the locals just bundle up when it gets colder. No one has heat or even a fireplace, and the practice of leaving the doors and windows open remains. Hot showers are a foreign luxury. But living the unplugged life has immense charms. No longer tethered by cell phones, PDAs, blackberries, or email, we relaxed by spending our evenings in song. Music is a tradition in this region and it seems nearly everyone has been blessed with strong voices and innate musical talent. On our last evening in Entre Rios, we were joined by a mission team with members from Uruguay, Chile, Argentina, and the Dominican Republic so our musicale had a solid international flavor.

I also had the opportunity to meet Bolivia's first missionary to a certain closed nation in the 10/40 window. (For her safety, I cannot mention any identifying details.) She served heroically in this nation for three years as a single woman teaching other women through an NGO organization. These women were typically married at menarche through an arrangement by their families. Many endured harsh treatments by their husbands, so the concept of God describing Himself as a husband to His people was repellent to them. Though this missionary could not mention Jesus to them, she could talk about God and could answer questions about her testimony if she was asked directly. The women there always asked this missionary why she didn’t have a husband and why she had to be there alone. It was hard for her to be single in this nation, but this missionary said that after being there, she understood the word “comfort” in a special way. Her "mission verse," so to speak, was from 2 Corinthians 1:3-7 to comfort others with the comfort she had received from God. It was fascinating to meet her and see her photos during our stay in Entre Rios.

After three days there, we loaded up the Range Rover and a borrowed Land Rover and hit the road again. More to come...

(Photos from top: David Altrogge amid all the luggage on the way to the airport; David, me, Andrew, and Pat about to board our first flight; the Range Rover donated to Pepe by Sovereign Grace a few years ago and now loaded down with our gear; Entre Rios street scene; the plaza in Entre Rios; a school boy in the region with the typical footwear and mode of transportation; the Carrascos.)

The Big Business of Online Dating

This past weekend, the inevitable question came up in a conversation among friends: What did I think about online dating? Well, first and foremost I think of it as an extremely profitable and growing business. (My other thoughts are noted in an article I wrote about about two years ago, titled "Ten Points to Ponder About Online Dating.") It seems the industry has now reached a level where the negative ad campaign has become part of the arsenal. This past weekend, The Washington Post carried an article titled, "They Met Online, but Definitely Didn't Click." It was about the negative campaign ads that Chemistry has been running against eHarmony, claiming that about one million applicants have been rejected by eHarmony.

Interestingly enough, eHarmony doesn't dispute the figures but does dispute the insinuations as to why.

The biggest reason for rejection, it says, is that the applicant is married. Stunningly, nearly one-third of the company's rejects (30 percent) fell into this category. Others are blocked because they're younger than the minimum application age of 21 (27 percent) or because the applicant gives inconsistent answers (9 percent), based on responses to eHarmony's 258-question application.

So now I have to add an eleventh point to ponder about online dating--married people in the pool.

Anxiety Is a Thief

This happens all the time--I write about a topic and then I get tested on it. So while I've been casting my cares on the Lord about this trip to Bolivia, my own words have come back to haunt me! Here's an article I wrote recently for Crosswalk, titled "Anxiety Is a Thief."

Princess Goes Camping

Today I'm headed for the remote southern region of Bolivia. I am traveling with the intrepid video crew as we document the work one of our Sovereign Grace Ministries churches is doing to serve other pastors and churches in that region. This time our gear looks a little different from prior trips: treated mosquito nets, tents, freeze-dried food, DEET insect repellent, malaria drugs, bed pads, satellite phone, etc. I hope we have all that we need because I'm hardly an expert on camping. I grew up "camping" in a Winnebago. With three daughters and a wife in tow, my father was smart: bring the toilet with you. So I had to ramp up quickly to make sure we had all we needed for this adventure.

It's a sobering trip in many ways. There are a few serious insect-borne diseases in the region we'll be visiting. But whenever I've been tempted to be anxious about my health, I remember that there are fellow human beings living there on a regular basis. So my prayer is that we can be a blessing while we travel and trust the Lord for our safety and well-being. I am blessed by the views of the men on this trip--they are leaning on God and praying for opportunities to share the gospel. I've been more concerned about the responsibility I carry to line up our provisions and schedule, so it's encouraging to me to be readjusted to an eternal perspective.

I doubt I'll be doing any blog posts from Bolivia this week, though perhaps when we are in La Paz next week I can write an update. In the meantime, I am trying to schedule some other topics to run in my absence. So feel free to check back later this week and see if it works.

If you think of it, please pray for our crew but also please pray for the numerous pastors we will be meeting and serving along the way. The video team is simply going to document the work our La Paz pastors are doing to serve the pastors and churches that labor in this region of Bolivia. Thanks!

The New and Improved 'Three S' Lecture

This one's a completely girlie post. Be forewarned.

Because I'm too busy to write anything of depth, today you will get mundane tips for everyday life.

Important Life Management Tip Number One: Ethiopian food is hard on your manicure. The curry/saffron/tumeric spice--whatever it is that makes the food so colorful--will stain a French manicure. Because Ethiopian food is served on a community platter (generally) and eaten by hand, scooped up in a spongy piece of injera bread, it will wreck your nails. Not a good first-date dish.

Important Life Management Tip Number Two: Sunsceen and savings. That's my classic "two S" lecture to young women. Be diligent to save even palty sums when you are young and you will experience the nearly miraculous effect of compound interest. Procrastinate and you will suffer the penurious consequences in short order. The same goes with sunscreen. Use it religiously while you are young and you will be able to claim being young a lot longer. Believe me, it's not overkill to keep a tube in the car and use it on your hands when you drive.

Important Life Management Tip Number Three: Sensible shoes. They are the newest addition to my lecture, which has now evolved to the "three s" lecture--savings, sunscreen and sensible shoes. I don't mean ugly shoes, I mean thinking sensibly about what those cute little shoes are doing to your feet, knees, and backs. The future comes very quickly, much more quickly than you know at 21. So cushion your bank account, spare your face, and give your heels (and even your flip-flops!) a break occasionally.

Read this article from The Washington Post's Health section about a harvest of bunions, knee troubles, hammertoes, nerve damage, and stress fractures from wearing improper shoes.

If you're too busy to read, check out this informative illustration which gives you the quick overview to what's happening to your body.

Yep. This is the kind of insight and spiritual advice you can only get here on Solo Femininity. Happy to serve. . .

Table Talk

Even for an extrovert, the past few days have been a talk marathon. Since I am out of words, I will just post the proof.

On Saturday morning, I was able to meet many wonderful women in the single parents ministry at Covenant Life Church, where I was asked to speak briefly following their Mother's Day tea. Then I jumped in my car and tooled down to Capitol Hill for dinner at the home of Claire Low, where I enjoyed meeting some ladies from Capitol Hill Baptist Church. It amazes me how fellowship in Christ makes quick friends out of relative strangers. Thanks, Claire!

On Monday, I flew to Little Rock where I joined Kim Wagner and Holly Elliff with host Nancy Leigh DeMoss for several recordings of Tabletalk commentary for the Revive Our Hearts radio show. That evening, Nancy and I recorded another series of Q&A programs on the topic of singleness with about 40 single women of various ages and backgrounds. (These programs won't air until sometime in 2008.) After about six hours of recording, I'm not sure I was coherent any longer. My thanks in advance to the wonderful production staff of ROH for the editing load I just handed them!

(Pictured above from left: Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Kim Wagner, Holly Elliff and me in the FamilyLife Ministries studio.)