Radical Womanhood

Heartfelt Words

Score another one for biblical wisdom. I found this nugget a few weeks ago in The New York Times. "Marital Spats, Taken to Heart" unwittingly proves that what Scripture says makes for a godly, fruitful and peaceful marriage is exactly what is needed for healthy hearts, too (the emphasis is mine):

Utah researchers have videotaped 150 couples to measure the effect that marital arguing style has on heart risk. The men and women were mostly in their 60s, had been married on average for more than 30 years and had no signs of heart disease. The couples were given stressful topics to discuss, like money or household chores, and the comments made during the ensuing arguments were categorized as warm, hostile, controlling or submissive. The men and women also underwent heart scans to measure coronary artery calcium, an indicator of heart disease risk.

The researchers found that the style of argument detected in the video sessions was a powerful predictor for a man or woman’s risk for underlying heart disease. In fact, the way the couple interacted was as important a heart risk factor as whether they smoked or had high cholesterol, says Timothy W. Smith, a psychology professor at the University of Utah, who presented the study last year to the American Psychosomatic Society.

For women, whether a husband’s arguing style was warm or hostile had the biggest effect on her heart health. Dr. Smith notes that in a fight about money, for instance, one man said, “Did you pass elementary school math?” But another said, “Bless you, you are not so good with the checkbook, but you’re good at other things.” In both exchanges, the husband was criticizing his wife’s money management skills, but the second comment was infused with a level of warmth. In the study, a warm style of arguing by either spouse lowered the wife’s risk of heart disease.

But arguing style affected men and women differently. The level of warmth or hostility had no effect on a man’s heart health. For a man, heart risk increased if disagreements with his wife involved a battle for control. And it didn’t matter whether he or his wife was the one making the controlling comments. An example of a controlling argument style showed up in one video of a man arguing with his wife about money. “You really should just listen to me on this,” he told her.

What’s particularly notable about the study is that the men and women filled out standard questionnaires about the quality of their relationships, but those answers were not a good predictor of cardiovascular risk. The difference in risk showed up only when the quality of the couple’s bickering style was assessed.

Interesting, isn't it? Here's what Scripture tells us:

"Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them." (Colossians 3:18-19 ESV)

"Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives." (1 Peter 3:1-2 NIV)

"Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered." (1 Peter 3:17 ESV)

"Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. . . . Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." (Ephesians 5:1-2; 22-33 NIV)

God commands wives not to battle their husbands for control, but to trust God to lead them through their husbands. So what does this study find? Men biologically respond to the battle for control. In the same way, God commands men to love their wives with honor, consideration, and as he loves himself. And what does this study find? Women biologically respond to belittling words, words that communicate a lack of respect, honor or consideration.

In any of our relationships, let us strive to "be imitators of God" and live a life of love, remembering the impact of our words on the souls--and bodies--of those around us.

(Photo illustration courtesy of The New York Times.)

The Ideal Christian Woman

(My friend Mike Seaver alerted me to this challenging-yet-hopeful article from Wendy Alsup, deacon of women's theology and teaching at Mars Hill Church in Seattle. This is the first part. I am looking forward to reading the rest of the series.)

I have had several women recently come to me concerned that they don't match the stereotype of the Ideal Christian Woman. That got me to think--what is that stereotype? When I hear others discuss the "Christian Woman" at our church, I think I know what they are talking about. I'm not going to describe her here, because I don't want to hurt any woman who may fit that stereotype. But I do want to shoot down the main myth I hear about the stereotypical Christian woman.

Myth
The godliest of Christian women look great all the time, all have godly Boaz type husbands, and have the same convictions about childbirth, breastfeeding, education, dinner preparation, employment, and so forth.

The Truth
First of all, "godliest" is a bad label. It implies we determine our godliness by comparing ourselves to others. "She's godlier than that other lady, so that makes her the godliest." Wrong! Christ is our standard of perfection, and we all fall short of His glory. The best analogy I've heard is that it is like someone standing on a sheet of paper and claiming to be closer to the sun. When we try to use the label "godliest," we are equally absurd.

We have many godly, mature ladies at Mars Hill with great wisdom to offer their sisters in Christ. The first quality of all of them is humility. They realize their unworthiness and don't hold their preferences on childbirth, breastfeeding, education, dinner prep, and so forth as anything for which to pat themselves on the back. In fact, among the mature, Christlike women I know at Mars Hill, there are diverse opinions on each of these issues. Also, we have many godly women who are not married and/or do not have children. These women too are humble servants, hospitable with their resources and Christlike in their priorities.

I have definitely felt pressure from godly Christian women. But rather than feeling peer pressure to conform to some outward stereotype, I have felt pressure to know God, spend time in His Word, to pray, to be humble, to love my husband and children, and to embrace my role in their lives. While I have gleaned great practical information on breastfeeding, education, childbirth, dinner prep, etc from these ladies, I haven't felt pressure to conform to their image. No--they point me to conform to Christ's image (Romans 8:29). In that light, I can receive their practical feedback on different topics, compare it to other research I've done, pray about it with my husband, and reach my own personal convictions from the Word based on how the Spirit is leading my family as He conforms us to the image of God.

In light of all this, what are the true characteristics of the Ideal Christian Woman? Over the next few articles, let's take some time to explore these in four main categories I have observed.

1. The Ideal Christian Woman … Is Honest About Her Sin.
If we want to paint a stereotype of the Ideal Christian Woman, she would first simply be honest about the condition of her heart. The Apostle Paul is such a great example of this in the many letters he wrote to the young, fledgling New Testament churches. In I Timothy 1:12-15, he lays it out very clearly.

I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service, though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent. …. The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost.

Paul starts his letters under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit with an honest assessment of his sin. And notice that, while he gives the humble general statement that he was the foremost of sinners, he also lists specific sins. He doesn't sugar coat it, and he doesn't brush over it.

In contrast, how many of us have spent significant portions of our lives paralyzed by fear of exposure? We respond in groups by either clamming up or deflecting conversation because we don't want anyone to know the depth of our issues. And if we ever do give voice to our struggles, we sanitize it. We don't really want others to know how much we're hurting right now. And we don't want anyone to know how much our sin has hurt others.

Oh that we would be a church of humble women who are honest about our sin. Instead, so often we are a mix of shame and pride. We're ashamed of ourselves because of what others have done to us and what we, in turn, have done to others. And we're too proud to admit it to anyone. We must become women who value confession.

[Read the rest of the article on The Resurgence blog.]

'Religion Is the Problem'

I've never wanted to turn into one of those Christians who can't access the shared vocabulary of mainstream culture, a believer whose conversations are laced with Christianese. But oh how hard it is to avoid being steeped in cliches! Last week, as I traveled to Maine and back, I had the immense privilege of explaining the gospel and presenting my conversion testimony numerous times. And each time, I struggled to find a shared reference point and to purge myself of church words.

It started with the airport driver. He was Tunisian and a lapsed Islamic/Christian practitioner. That sounds confusing, but he was raised in both faiths because his father was Muslim and his mother was Catholic. On our way to the airport, we discussed religion. He said that it doesn't matter what religion you are, because all religions lead to God. And religion is at the root of our problems, anyway. All the major wars were because of religion. So that's why he is not religious. I acknowledged his thinking but then was able to offer my viewpoint that all of our wars are because of our sin and that's why we all need a Savior who can rescue us from the penalty for and consequences of sin. We had a respectful exchange and I learned much about Tunisia, but that conversation set the tone for the week.

Over the next several days, I was able to talk about the gospel with a Dutch man, a French woman, and two Americans--all non-religious people. I was also able to talk a little bit about faith with a lapsed Hindu from India. Then at the airport on the way home, I was picked up by yet another Tunisian driver, an active Muslim, and we had the same conversation. What fascinated me was how nearly identical these conversations were. On one hand, I was grateful to meet these folks and learn from them. They were all uniformly gracious and even genuinely interested, to a point. On the other hand, I couldn't help but notice that they faithfully repeated similar ideas. It seems that the "prince of this age" has been spreading the same propaganda: all religions lead to God so it doesn't matter which one you choose; religion itself leads to war and is responsible for all wars; and you can be spiritual in your own way as you define it.

So it's interesting to be in a conversation where I and my beliefs are seen to be the reason for so much trouble in this world, whereas I see myself as an object of mercy before a holy and just God. Sometimes our perspectives never seemed to find common ground. A few people objected to Christians evangelizing others. Why couldn't religion just be a private matter? Well, some belief systems structurally can't adapt to that view. With one man, I tried to explain why Christians are commissioned to spread what we know to be the good news of mercy and salvation. It's intellectually dishonest to call oneself a Christian and not talk about it. Our very belief system is predicated upon making sure others know about Christ's gift of forgiveness and salvation. A second man challenged that benevolent description, saying that Christians always have an ulterior motive when talking to others, whether it's the overt, arm-twisting hard-core form of evangelism or the "deceptive" slow-boil of friendship evangelism (his descriptions).

This age is blind to the realities of sin and hell. If you don't acknowledge them, then a Savior doesn't seem to be a big deal. No wonder people yawn at the idea of salvation. If Christianity is marketed as a parody of current culture ("I heart Jesus" or "Got Jesus?"), then there's nothing unique about our claims. Christianity can be seen as a kind of annoying hobby, and always a late adopter at that. Or if Christianity is sold as a self-help system ("your best life ever"), then anyone who is content with their own life has no incentive to check out the Christianized version.

But in a post-modern age still in love with narrative, we have our conversion stories to tell. This was what people seemed willing to hear and consider on this trip. But if it's billed as a "look at all I have now" prosperity story, or a "woe was me with all my unfulfilled emotional needs" story, I would think we squander a precious opportunity to talk about sin and the unmerited and powerful grace of God. The point of our narrative should not be how much better our lives are with Christ (as true as that is!)--but rather how we became aware of our sinful state and our need to be rescued from it. Other people need to understand that sin is real, it's objective, and it's thoroughly corrupting. The good news of Christ's redemption won't make any sense if the problem of sin is not presented and examined.

I read an article today in Forbes that said GodTube is the single fastest-growing site on the Web. I applaud GodTube's goals to promote faith and to filter out profane or sexual references. Certainly I had no qualms about poking around on GodTube, unlike YouTube. But one quick glance at the current list of most-viewed videos on there reveals a mix of current culture parodies (Christian versions of the Mac vs. PC ad campaigns, for example), music videos, and comedy bits. Where is the power of video to talk about the Divine Rescue?

That's why I am grateful that my church posted the conversion story of Tom and Michelle Herbert. It's a simple video presentation--two people about to get baptized in an unglamorous baptismal font--but the narrative is powerful. For anyone who has given up hope that a loved one in the clutches of addiction can be set free, this testimony will revive your hope and faith. This is Christ's triumph over crack cocaine and homelessness. When the Herberts were baptized, the congregation rose for a thunderous standing ovation. We weren't applauding them, but the power of God to resurrect sinners to life everlasting!

Busting a 'Voodoo' Ring

Two years ago, I attended a Shared Hope International conference, during which supporters heard reports from those working at various international sites to free women and children caught in sex trafficking. One pastor, Tom Marfo, spoke very eloquently of his church's efforts to rescue prostitutes in Amsterdam's red light district. He said young girls from various parts of Africa were kidnapped and sold into sexual slavery in Europe. They were told they had to work off their "transportation costs" and were threatened with a witch doctor curse if they tried to escape. The "curse" was apparently placed on their family members, so if these girls tried to obtain their own freedom it would be at the cost of their families' lives. Both economics and fear kept them in place--at least until this ministry could arrange for their escape and shelter them in safe houses.

Today I read the good news that at least one trafficking group has been busted, according to BBC News.

Police in the Netherlands say they have cracked a crime ring which allegedly trafficked Nigerian children into the West to work as sex slaves.

At least 19 people were arrested in the Netherlands and five other countries including the US and Britain.

Traffickers used voodoo to gain a hold over children before smuggling them abroad in a racket which exploited the asylum system, police say.

Scores of underage Nigerians, mainly girls, may have been trafficked.

Dutch authorities had been investigating the disappearance of 140 Nigerian children from asylum-seeker holding centres since January 2006.

Several of the children were later found working as prostitutes in France, Italy and Spain, according to Dutch police.

Please pray that God would protect these victims, lead them to freedom, and smash other such crime networks. Please pray also for the integrity and success of the ministries and organizations working in this area.

UPDATE: The comments function is open for this post.

Prayer for San Diego

Mark Lauterbach is senior pastor of Grace Church, the Sovereign Grace Ministries church in San Diego. Recently, he has been overseeing the construction of their new facility. Just as it seemed that the church would be able to move into their new building--after myriad delays and obstructions--the Santa Ana winds began blowing. The resulting wildfires threaten the entire area, including members' homes and this facility.

Mark has written a concise but mighty appeal on his blog:

The folks of San Diego county are facing a wildfire that is the largest in history. 250,000 people have been evacuated. Grace Church is seeking to make sure our members are cared for and to represent our Savior to our neighbors. Would you pray for us in this time of need and opportunity?

My understanding at the time of this posting is that my friends there have all evacuated from their homes. There is a fire update on the church's website, which links to a forum with a few more details.

As of 11 pm on Monday, CNN's website was saying the hardest hit area is San Diego County, with a special focus on the suburb where Grace Church is based:

"We have a very dangerous, unpredictable situation," said Ron Roberts, chairman of the San Diego County Board of Supervisors. "We have some of the highest temperatures, some of the driest landscape conditions and some of the most powerful winds -- all the ingredients for a perfect firestorm."

On one cul-de-sac in the San Diego suburb of Rancho Bernardo, five of six homes burned to the ground, leaving flames from gas lines flickering amid the ruins, according to a KGTV report.

In fact, the website for the San Diego CBS affiliate lists dozens of homes confirmed destroyed in the Rancho Bernardo area.

Please pray for the residents of this area and for the members of Grace Church in particular. In the 2003 wildfires, they experienced significant loss but also responded to the needs around them, both proclaiming and demonstrating the gospel. Pray that they will have the same Godward trust now.

(Photo: This photo taken from space Monday afternoon shows smoke rising from the wildfires in Southern California. Photo courtesy of NASA).

Camden, Maine

I spent a week in a writing workshop; therefore, I have no more descriptive words left. Here are some photos, instead.

Photo captions from top:
- Camden harbor.
- Peak foliage!
- As seen at crosswalks...It's still a mystery to me.
- I have no idea what kind of restaurant this is.
- The city of Camden as seen from Mt. Battie.
- On Camden's Elm Street.
- Chestnut Street Baptist Church. If memory serves, the sign said the church was organized in 1808 and the building was constructed in 1817. I visited yesterday and was delighted to discover a warm atmosphere, a Bible-based sermon, and God-honoring praise and worship songs.
- The Hartstone Inn--simply stellar!
- It doesn't feel like work with a view like this!

Musings on Praise and Gratitude

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth. (Ephesians 1:3-10)

Every. Spiritual. Blessing. I emphasize that thought with odd punctuation because it's an arresting idea. We are blessed in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places--in Christ we have redemption, forgiveness, the riches of his grace, and the knowledge of his will and purpose. How that should inspire wonder and worship! As John Stott writes in his Ephesians Bible study guide: "At this point it may be wise to pause a moment and consider how much all of us need to develop Paul's broad perspective. Paul was a prisoner in Rome. Not indeed in a cell or dungeon, but still under house arrest and handcuffed to a Roman soldier. Though his wrist was chained and his body was confined, his heart and mind inhabited eternity."

Praise and gratitude can't help but overflow from the life of the one whose heart and mind inhabits eternity!

Recently my sister, Beth, sent me an email describing how she was rebuked by her three-year-old son's attitude of gratitude. My nephew, Matthew, does not yet know the Lord (though I have been praying from his birth that he would know the voice of the Lord at a young age). However, the choice he made to be grateful was astonishingly mature:

I was driving with Matthew and he noticed that the sidewalks were a bit wet. He asked if it had rained last night. I snapped back, "Yes, but it ONLY rained a tiny bit." I wanted more rain because everything is dying that I planted!

He said, "WOW, that is so great that it rained some last night, even if it was a little bit. Now at least all of the trees and all of the plants got something to drink to make them big and strong and healthy. Look at how BEAUTIFUL they all are now! The trees look so pretty with all of their BEAUTIFUL colors! It makes ME so happy to see THEM be so happy. It's going to be a GREAT day today, isn't it, Mommy? Look, the sun is up and shining now! I love you so much Mommy!"

Who can stay in a funk after hearing how appreciative a three-year-old is over a few drops of rain?

The first chapter in Ephesians mentions "the praise of his glory" or "to the praise of his glorious grace" three times. If a little boy's appreciation of rain could inspire his mother to be grateful for the same thing, how much more should our appreciation for the multitude of spiritual blessings we've received in Christ inspire gratitude in others, all resounding to the praise of his glory!

China's Stolen Children

Last week, a British television network aired a controversial documentary titled China's Stolen Children. At one point, the Chinese government tried to block the British broadcast, according to The Sunday Times. The producers summarize the documentary this way: "The film follows the parents of 5-year-old Chen Jie as they desperately search for their kidnapped son, one of up to 70,000 children kidnapped and sold in China every year as a result of the One Child Policy. It includes secretly shot footage of a trafficker buying a one-year-old boy in a park, and negotiating the sale of the child to a couple in a hotel room."

As this week seems to be evolving into a child-related theme on this blog, and since this also ties with my documentary workshop, I thought I would bring this UK documentary to your attention so you can pray about this disturbing trend. Twelve years ago, the same team made a documentary titled The Dying Rooms in which they uncovered the systematic neglect of abandoned babies in Chinese state-run orphanages. The dark rooms were where the weakest and least liked children were left to die. These were known as "the dying rooms." According to the filmmakers (True Vision), The Dying Rooms and Return to the Dying Rooms films have been seen in over 37 countries worldwide, with an estimated audience of more than 100 million people.

The movie-like trailer for China's Stolen Children can be seen on Channel 4's (UK) website. And a clip from the documentary is available on YouTube. Please pray for the children who are caught in this system and for the trafficking to halt.

Adopting Across Ethnicities

Next month is Adoption Awareness month, but as long as I've already started this week talking about orphans, I'll tackle the adoption topic early. Over the last few months, a number folks have mentioned Carolina Hope Christian Adoption to me. Last week, the ministry outreach coordinator, Dan Cruver, sent me a short note with this intriguing job description: "One of my primary responsibilities is to help Christians increasingly think about orphan ministry and adoption from a gospel-centered perspective. Carolina Hope has commissioned me to explore and articulate the beautiful gospel-connection between uppercase Adoption (i.e. God's gracious adoption and lowercase adoption (i.e. our adoption of a child), so that Christians become more firmly grounded in the gospel and grow in their understanding of its profound implications for all of life. We are also committed to helping Christians think theologically about transracial adoption."

Though I can't ever recall hearing a sermon on this topic before, I have "seen" this sermon in the lives of many pastors I know. In fact, as a new believer it was one of the things I first noticed: a significant number of the Sovereign Grace pastors I was meeting had adopted children from other nations or ethnic backgrounds. No one made a big deal out of it, but it spoke volumes to me then. Well, Dan recently interviewed one of my favorite blogging pastors,Thabiti Anyabwile, pastor of First Baptist Church of Grand Cayman, about transracial (or multi-ethnic) adoption. As always, Thabiti eloquently considers issues of ethnicity through the lens of the cross. Even if adoption isn't on your radar at present, I would encourage you to read this interview just to deepen your thinking on this topic.

(Photo: Eduardo Antonio is one of the children awaiting adoption through Carolina Hope. He'll be two next month. He lives in Guatemala, where he is recovering from malnourishment, due to abandonment.)

A Note of Hope

I'm in Maine right now, enjoying the brilliant fall foliage here. I'm also attending a workshop for documentary producers, where each person attending the course has to develop a story idea into a documentary treatment. There's a possibility that we may be featuring some of our ministry's activities in Africa for next year's mission video, so that's the treatment concept I'll be working on this week. Even though it's a small course, it's a surprisingly international gathering. We have a Dutch man working in China, a Mexican woman, a Tanzanian man who hails from India, and a British woman in this workshop of approximately a dozen people. We are supposed to attend this workshop all day and then watch documentaries at night. Though I hope to squeeze in a few blog posts this week, if this blog becomes quiet, you'll know why!

Speaking of ministry in Africa, I'd like to let you know about a special event for one of the ministries I support. A portion of my book royalties goes to support Covenant Mercies, a ministry of the Sovereign Grace church in Glen Mills, Pennsylvania, Covenant Fellowship. One of the major initiatives of Covenant Mercies is an AIDS orphan sponsorship program in Africa. Executive director Doug Hayes wrote this compelling pitch about the needs of these orphans:

The United Nations estimates that by 2010 the globe will be populated by 106 million orphans; 42 million in sub-Saharan Africa alone. An orphan crisis of this magnitude is unprecedented in the history of the world, and is predicted to get worse before it diminishes. What can one person do in the face of such an overwhelming problem?

In His mercy, the Lord has clearly assigned the privilege and duty of caring for orphans to His church. Echoing throughout the pages of Scripture is the declaration that the people of God must be a people who care for the poor, and for the orphan in particular. This recurrent theme is perhaps best summarized in James 1:27: "Religion that is pure and undefiled before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction..." A person with living faith in Jesus Christ will be a person who is zealous to bind up the wounds of the afflicted, particularly the fatherless.

At the end of the month, Covenant Mercies is hosting a benefit concert, A Note of Hope, featuring jazz veterans Gerald Veasley and John Blake, Jr. and featuring vocalist Rosella Washington. Serious jazz afficionados might recognize that both Gerald and John got their start in the Grover Washington band and have gone on to have successful careers of their own. So if you are in the Philadelphia region on October 26th, make sure to check out this event! These three are not only talented musicians, they are also believers who are committed to glorifying God and blessing His people through their musical gifts. And since the majority of you won't be in the Philly area that night, I would still encourage you to check out Covenant Mercies and prayerfully consider supporting this outstanding ministry of mercy. Millions of orphans desperately need our help.