When I was in Charlotte this past weekend, I learned a great phrase coined by my hostess, Jane Connolly. Instead of referring to women with grown children as "empty nesters," she speaks of such women as "open nesters." These women are in a season where they can now be open to new people to care for and new ways for God to use the experience and wisdom they have gleaned from rearing children of their own.
I love both the phrase and the idea! I love the God-centered optimism in that phrase. I love the hint of excitement about what could happen. And I love the flexibility and servant's heart represented in it.
So, to those of you who are open-nesters, how have you used this time? What has God done with your time, wisdom, and availability? The comments function is open for this post--please let us hear from you on this topic in Practical Issues for Godly Women.
I love this term. I will be sure to share it with some of the women in my life who feel more "empty" than "open."
Posted by: Chelsea Bass | March 19, 2008 at 12:27 AM
I feel that as an older single person I am blessed with the opportunity to have been, and go on being, an 'open nester'. However, it wasn't until I accepted it as a blessing that I started to recognise just how valuable it is for my students, the young ones I share my house with, those I foster and.... me!
Posted by: izitjo | March 19, 2008 at 03:11 AM
That's a perfect term for this stage of life!! You finally have given me a cute catch-phrase for exactly how I was feeling about my life. Isn't God good to fill up our empty... no, open nests!
Posted by: Doreen T. | March 19, 2008 at 10:18 AM
I am so looking forward to what ladies have to say about this. We just moved our last child out 2 weekends ago and while God is faithful and is encouraging me through it - I'm really open to feeling other than like an empty nester.
Thanks up front!
Posted by: Toni | March 19, 2008 at 10:53 AM
When I read this, I immediately thought of my Mom (and Dad) -- true open-nesters. I have been "grown" and out of their house for 10 years now, and in that time that have regularly opened their doors to those in need. Two young single men in need of guidance have lived in their home. Other young singles and couples regularly stop by for dinner or marital/parenting advice. My parents have also offered generous financial assistance to those in need.
More recently my mother agreed to go on a campus visit with a young single mother whose oldest daughter will be the first in her family to attend college. This young single mother is not a fellow church member, but a former neighbor who came to trust my mother as a confidant and counselor. Currently the single mother feels overwhelmed with the decision of where her daughter should attend school, and wanted a wise, experienced ear along with her on the visits to discuss everything from financial aid to housing. Her own family is not able to help her in this manner. Though my mother is quite busy with other volunteer activities, she agreed to accompany this young woman.
I must confess that sometimes I am jealous over the time that my mother spends with all of her "other" children. (I am her only biological child and quite enjoy having her to myself). Nonetheless, I am proud of the impact that she has on others' lives, and I pray that one day I can be half the woman that she is.
Frankly, I also pray that I will soon be able to provide her a son-in-law and grandchildren who will benefit from her wisdom and love. In the meantime, however, I suppose I should embrace the idea that I myself can be an open-nester instead of just a lady-in-waiting!!!
Posted by: Tracy | March 19, 2008 at 02:32 PM
What a brilliant phrase! I look forward to reading more comments from "open nesters".
Posted by: Emily | March 19, 2008 at 05:48 PM
I'm not an "open nester" yet (I've got 3 boys under 3 at the moment!), but if I could, I would love to honor a woman who has used this season in her life in an amazingly God-glorifying way. My friend, Carol, still has 2 children living at home, but they are in high school and college. She has used her time at home to "reach her hand out to the needy." There was a woman at our church who taught for inner-city children, and one of her 16-year-old students was pregnant. Carol and her family, as well as many in our church, reached out to this girl, threw her a baby shower, provided her with many baby necessities (car seats, stroller, etc.), and after this little boy was born, Carol began watching him all day (and I mean ALL day, sometimes night, too) so that his mother could finish school and find a job. By God's grace, this girl also came to know the Lord through Carol's ministry to her, when no one else would have ever reached out to her, especially in such a sacrificial way. Carol has blessed her church (Sovereign Grace in Gilbert, AZ) and been our display of a real, live Proverbs 31 woman! She has inspired me to use my upcoming "open-nester" season!
Posted by: Carrie | March 19, 2008 at 08:52 PM
Carolyn,
I have never heard the word "Open Nester" before but I love it! My children are all grown with one son at home for a little while longer (20 years old), but I am moving to live with my daughter and son in law in another state! I can't wait to see what God would have me to do for Him in this next exciting season....
Posted by: Kandi | March 19, 2008 at 08:53 PM
This is WONDERFUL!!!! I'm not near this stage yet, but have always dreaded it. It just seemed sad, but this new phrase is DEFINITELY a better way of looking at things! This time in life could be viewed as a new opportunity to serve the Lord has never before. Thank you SO much for sharing this!
His,
Mrs. U
Posted by: Mrs. U | March 19, 2008 at 10:39 PM
This is a wonderful term, for all of the reasons Carolyn mentions. My grandfather has a real talent for this. About 15 years ago he took one of his great-nephews under his wing. His nephew's father had left his family in distressing circumstances, and this young man as a very angry teenager in danger of getting into serious trouble. My grandfather stepped in and made the difference. He has also filled that fatherly role for a woman my age who, although never in danger of getting into trouble, did not have her father in her life. He has a knack for understanding children and teenagers in a way that is truly God-given, and amazing considering his total lack of patience with adults! I'm in my late twenties, and my father has always been there for me, but my grandfather has been a refuge when I needed wisdom and comfort from a man in my family. Although his children are grown, he has never stopped being a father to anyone who would let him.
Posted by: Elizabeth | March 19, 2008 at 11:26 PM
Carolyn, Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have wanted a new name for my nearing season, but have not found one. This is one that I can wear with joy! I have two grown, married children and one more (21 year old) still at home. I must say that this season is much more than I ever imagined or hoped for. I find it a privilege to have an audience with young wives and mothers. For years I felt that I had nothing to offer because of the many mistakes that I made along the way, and the sin that so easily entangled me; I disqualified myself in shame. I figured when I got to this stage I would go back to work for my husband's company and support him on a daily basis. Through the loving rebuke of a godly friend, who helped me to see my pride, God had other plans, not that I don't still support my husband - I do, and I love that! But now is the time for us (including me) to pour diligently into the lives of those coming along behind us. They have been given a foundation that we worked hard to build (only by God's leading), and now is the time for them to own it for themselves. How do we do this? We open our home to young couples, inviting them over, asking probing questions, encouraging them in their weakness and lovingly confronting their sin. Our church has a blog dedicated to young moms that I have the privilege of contributing to, and we have a bi-monthly meeting for the young mothers of our church that I volunteer to babysit so that they can enjoy a meal that's uninterrupted and a message that will hopefully encourage them in the way they should walk. I openly share my mistakes with the hope that they will learn what not to do through my example. I make myself available as much as possible, and I am learning what it means to be an intercessor. This is the newest task the Lord has laid before me. Sadly, I haven't embraced this before, but I'm looking forward to what it means to pray, earnestly pray, for others in faith for what we do not yet see. Once my last daughter is married and on her own, my husband and I plan to open our home as a date night retreat for couples with young children to come away to for a romantic get away. The plan is to give them the full use of our home (pool, hot tub, big screen TV) for a Friday night, while we go out. Then, we'll return home through the back door after 11:00p retreating to our room. The next morning we'll fix them a big, hearty breakfast and send them home refreshed and more in love. All of this will be free to them and a joy to us. I really can't wait to be an "Open Nest Where Others Are Blessed". Can you tell I'm excited? I'm sorry this is such a long post, but I can hardly contain myself for what God is going to do as we Baby Boomers in the church take this season and redeem it for God's purposes, not our own self-indulgent ones that our culture constantly tries to seduce us with. This is possible only by the amazing grace that God has poured out on us. We are rich indeed!
Posted by: Debi Walter | March 20, 2008 at 07:55 AM
What a great term. All too many women have believed that their value and usefulness was "over" when they no longer had little ones depending on them. They grasp and plead and beg their grown children to "include" them in everything and feel lonely all the time. This is a great reminder that being open to be used by God is not dependent on any particular season of life.
Posted by: EM | March 21, 2008 at 10:29 AM
I am fresh into "open nesting." I have been mourning and grieving and also jumping for joy! I have been asking God for a job. I mean the paying kind. He hasn't had that in mind so far. Instead He has given me a sweet and fun ministry to the women in my life. First to my daughter, who is in her first year of college locally. It has been so wonderful to "minister" to her instead of "mother" her. Then there have been a host of women who have needed some tender care. I call someone on a weekly basis and we go out for coffee or lunch and we seek the Lord together. I have no idea what else the Lord will do, but the best part is I'm really learning to see outside of myself. I spent 15 years homeschooling my children. They are now successful in life and college. My husband and I can do whatever we want without worrying about the kids. That's fun! Even if I do get a job, I know the Lord has lots for me to do. And all I really had to do was say, "What now Lord?"
Posted by: Annie Blankenship | March 22, 2008 at 01:56 AM
Thank you for yet another useful term for this season of life. I've been calling it a "new season" after Ecclessiates 3:1.
What have I done with more free time?
- my husband gets the lionshare of my time and energy. he loves it that I can focus more time and energy on making sure that he has all that he needs. I also travel with him on business trips.
- I have more time to devote to family members who need someone to come and help, or even stay for awhile, after surgery for instance
- More time to visit elderly friends and relatives and make a meal, or do some task for them that they need done.
- Time to go and visit the sick, or sit with a family when someone is going through surgery,or otherwise hospitalized
- time to help a friend with home projects - painting, organizing, etc.
- More time to open my home for family get-togethers or ministry groups. Others with small children or fulltime jobs may feel they just can't host a big gathering at this time, with the cooking and clean up involved
- time to learn new skills that can be used in either homemaking or elsewhere: baking, flower arranging, piano, etc.
Posted by: julie | March 23, 2008 at 08:42 PM
My daughter(she is away at college) just sent me an email with this entry from your blog to me and thought I would enjoy it. I was so excited that other women at a same stage in life are finding that God uses every stage of our lives and that life doesn't end when our children walk out the front door! That is what I have been learning as two of our three have left for college. This is the last year of homeschooling for us as our other daughter will graduate this spring. I am looking forward to what lies ahead. We have opened up our home to many in the last few years as I prayed for the Lord to help me grow in the gift of hospitality. One of the people God lead us to was a little boy from China 5 years ago who came to work on his English and each summer he has come back to our home since then. It has gone so well that his sister has stayed with us and his cousin as well. We have been able to share the gospel with all of them and have prayed for their salvation with three of them. We have also taken our "junk room" downstairs and fixed it into a beautiful spare bedroom that we are hoping to us for the kids from China to come and stay long term for a semester in school with us in the states. We have dedicated that room to God and asked that He use it as He sees fit. It has been fun to see how it has been used and I am excited about the possiblities that it has! I guess I didn't have a name for the stage we are moving into but I like that I have found a name for it as well as others who are open to God creatively opening our nests to whatever He brings to us to do.
Posted by: Denise | March 27, 2008 at 07:44 PM