Masculine Mentoring

Sometimes when I speak to women about the issues surrounding feminism and biblical femininity, I receive questions about who is teaching men their corresponding roles. Who is teaching men how to be servant-leaders? I am happy to point to the teaching of men like my own boss, C.J. Mahaney, my pastor, Josh Harris, or other leaders such as John Piper, Wayne Grudem, Dennis Rainey, Bob Lepine, Al Mohler and many more. But recently I read an example of how this masculine mentoring happens on a more personal level.

One of the bloggers I follow, Justin Buzzard, wrote about the advice he received from an older man in his congregation upon the birth of his second son, Hudson:  

...I am adding a prayer for your marriage. Clearly more stress and pressure will be applied with two young 'uns and all the great stuff you are involved in.

We talk about being "intentional" all the time. Over the next year you are really going to have to be intentional in putting Taylor's needs ahead of your own. She will be 24/7 putting the needs of two boys ahead of her wants, desires and needs...that's the just the way it is in this stage with multiple kids....so she is going to desperately need someone to pamper her and put her first...prioritize her.

Guess what? That is YOU. :) I know this sounds kind of like a raw deal (I mean, who is going to be pampering Justin?). But this is the Biblical model. Christ laid down his life so that He could present the church (bride) blameless. I think as men we have that same challenge. We need to be building into our wives by serving them, meeting their needs, putting them first in all things...that's how we lead them to a deeper relationship with Jesus.

Fight the very human desire to want something for yourself. When those thoughts come, try and transfer it to, "How can I take something off of Taylor's plate today?"

I know this may sound a bit brutal in lieu of all you have going on....but God made you strong for a purpose. He gave you an abundance of gifts for a purpose. And He has provided many friends to pray for you all for a purpose...

We may not always hear this kind of counsel, but it is out there. I share this with you today to encourage you that as we focus on the contributions and roles God has called us to do, He is also doing the same for our brothers in Christ.

(Photo: Justin and Taylor Buzzard with their sons Cru and Hudson.)

Comments

[jp]

thank you so much for posting this. i admit my weakness as i often have thoughts after hearing talk after talk about what my role is as a wife and mom like "so do the men just get to hear about being godly and living the spirit-filled life?" this does make me want to press on in my role as a godly wife. thanks again.

[Fritz]

Great post Carolyn,

The mind-set of the tender warrior never changes, but the tools he uses certainly will.

It may mean that we, as men, may need to use everything from :

computers, hammers, phones, & shovels for employment or upkeep, to :

Vaccuums, spatulas, grills/ovens, dish soap to be a servant for our wife & family, to :

Something as simple as our hands and arms to give our family a loving & tender embrace.

Whatever it takes.................

[Prairie Chick]

This is encouraging. I have been thinking of this lately as well. Satan would just love us to believe, like Elijah did, that we are alone... when there are so many out there who feel the same and are struggling with the same issues. I love your blog!

[Patricia]

What a great post and what a lovely comment by Fritz. Wish my ex-husband thought like this - he might never have abandoned his family. :-(

Love your blog! God bless you.

[EM]

Both men and women should be trained and mentored in living for the glory of God in the power of the Holy Spirit.

Learning how to live out roles, to the extent that it is important at all, is only valuable as an application of that larger vision -- of living for God's glory.

The problem is that our churches can get to the point where all women hear about is what to DO to be a good girl instead of being reminded of who our God IS and who we are as His daughters and image-bearers.

This man's advice to the younger father is most valuable - not because he is a man but because he is teaching him to lay aside his rights and be a servant. That is a primary Christian value for both men and women - though occasionally the application varies.

[Patti Blount]

I remember hearing Robin, Dr. Phil's wife, once say that when she was growing up her Dad told her brothers that their job was to help their Mom and sisters know how valued they were. Even though I don't know if she is a Christian, I remember thinking that this sounded right in God's eyes. Most Christian men don't get this mentoring; sad, but true, and so the women and the marriage suffer. Another "revelation" which could possibly speak to the men about this from the Scriptures is where it says that we love Him(Jesus) because He first loved us. The relationship between a husband and his wife should reflect the one between Jesus and His Bride. We, as wifes, need that overflowing love from our husbands to flow to us, so that we can reciprocate. Doesn't everthing flow from the head (Head) down? Where are the men willing to swallow that pride and self-absorption to do and teach these things to each other? Thank goodness for this one you have posted about.

[Brook (Matt5verse6)]

Wow-wee-wow. Another fantastic post. I'm very thankful! I sure do pray a godly man will come along side my husband and give him some wonderful encouragement like this!