Recently a man contacted me to ask how to encourage his girlfriend to think biblically when she seems overly concerned about her physical appearance. He thinks she is very pretty--and from her pictures, objectively I think others would agree with him. So it was intriguing to me that he says she can be concerned about her body image and physical beauty.
"Well, obviously women want to hear from their boyfriends or husbands that they are attractive to them," I wrote. "Compliments go a long way! Don't stop telling her that she's attractive to you. But I wonder if perhaps you could do more than just compliment her on being beautiful. What about complimenting her when she is doing beautiful things? We always hear that inner beauty is supposed to be more important than outer beauty, but it doesn't seem to get praised as often--which tempts women to doubt the veracity of that statement."
Why do we women doubt the appeal of inner beauty? Well, to be candid, it's because we forget that our Creator is the ultimate arbiter of beauty. We are awash in makeover messages and as such His perspective is often silenced. From TV shows to magazines, we are drowning in Before and After images. At any given time during a day, there's a roomful of people on TV gushing and crying over the physical transformation of some reality show participant. Everybody and his neighbor shows up to applaud weight loss, a new hairstyle, or a wardrobe overhaul.
But where is the applause for inner beauty? Where are the TV cameras for the Big Reveal of a renovated character?
The only commendation in that area comes from God and the Bible says it is God's approval that matters most. Peter tells us that an "imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit" is very precious in God's sight.
That is illustrated, I believe, in the appreciation Jesus extended to Mary when she broke her attractive, valuable alabaster jar to anoint his feet with a costly perfumed ointment. She was quietly worshiping Jesus as others were plotting to take His life. No one present could have overlooked this beautiful act because John 12:3 says, "The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume."
Encouragingly, our Lord promised that the beautiful thing she did would not be forgotten. When the disciples rebuked her, Jesus said: "Leave her alone. Why do you trouble her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. For you always have the poor with you, and whenever you want, you can do good for them. But you will not always have me. She has done what she could; she has anointed my body beforehand for burial. And truly, I say to you, wherever the gospel is proclaimed in the whole world, what she has done will be told in memory of her" (John 12:6-9, emphasis added).
Amen. Millions more people have heard of Mary's inner beauty than have ever heard of the latest reality show contest or beauty pageant winner. May we all follow in the footsteps of this woman whose character is known to us, but whose face and form were never described.
(Photo: My contradictory mentoring message to my niece when both of us were much younger!)
Well, as they say in the South: "Any barn looks better painted."
Just make sure we don't spend all day painting our exteriors. :-) There is plenty of stuff to get done INSIDE that is ultimately more important.
Posted by: Laura MacCorkle | May 14, 2009 at 02:25 PM
Agreed. Beautiful Post!
R.Wallis
Posted by: Rachel | May 14, 2009 at 02:41 PM
You're definitely on to something when you say that inner beauty isn't commented upon as much as outer beauty. We're all guilty...even from birth you hear us say, "Oh, what a beautiful baby!" Doesn't mean we shouldn't give compliments on physical appearance, but it shouldn't be the main thing we comment on.
Posted by: Ronnica | May 14, 2009 at 03:54 PM
Had an interesting conversation with my BF the other day. He asked me, after much hemming, hawing and provisos that he was not trying to be insensitive, if I loved my body. Trying to be as honest as possible I said, no.... and our relationship is often adversarial. This has both to do with body image issues as well as health issues (chronic knee pain from early onset osteoarthritis).
Right there at the dinner table he asked me if I ever thanked God for my body. By this time I was crying quite a bit. He prayed with/for me, thanking God for how he created me and the gift of my body.
This had a HUGE impact on me. For awhile when we were first dating he was ambivalent about my physical appearance. He told me I was the most beautiful woman (internally) he knew, but he wasn't attracted to me. In the year since God has definitely changed his heart!
God has also used this to change my heart toward my own body. When the negative refrain starts in my head, I start at my feet and thank God for the wonderful gift of my body. This has also transformed my views of food, exercise and dieting. As steward of my body, not owner or creator, my job is to be the best caretaker that I can be. It isn't always easy to live this out, but so much has improved already as the Lord continues to renew my mind regarding my body.
Thanks for the post and sorry for such a long comment:-)
Posted by: Rebecca | May 14, 2009 at 06:09 PM
This message is for any age! I am a wife, mother and pastor's wife, mother of one son and three daughters. As I teach Sunday School and women's Bible studies I have to continually encourage women that men and women were made in the image of God and we need to reflect that image. Inner beauty that reflects the Lord we love I believe shows up in outward beauty. Thank you for this post, I really enjoy your ministry.
Posted by: Jody Gates | May 15, 2009 at 08:46 AM
What a great reminder. Love your posts. I gave you an award on my blog. You don't have to participate, but just wanted you to know you are AWE-SUMMM!! Thanks for helping me to live a more Biblical Christ honoring life!
Posted by: Carrie | May 15, 2009 at 04:05 PM
great post Carolyn! :D
Posted by: mike h | May 20, 2009 at 10:42 AM
Oh boy and this doesn't just haunt those that are overweight either.
Posted by: Ginger | May 23, 2009 at 01:52 PM
I was recently at work and one of the regular customers that I waited on told me that I looked flourishing. She is a very kind woman, and I knew that I was not looking that attractive that day. But I was working on my attitude and being happy with everyone that I waited on. It's quite a hard task when I am a short-tempered red head...
It was really awesome to get that compliment, because it showed me that how I was acting while I was working really did make me look more beautiful.
Posted by: Emily | May 24, 2009 at 09:54 PM
Okay, I know I'm a month behind on this one, but with the wedding and honeymoon and moving back to Africa, I haven't had a ton of spare time. =) I just wanted to pass on a URL to you - a friend of mine, Meg, who worked with me last year on the ship (also a PICU nurse!) conceived and is carrying out a project she calls "Unbranded Beauty" ... she interviews women and about beauty and then takes their picture and puts it on the internet, and I've been loving following the different perspectives. http://www.unbrandedbeauty.blogspot.com/
Posted by: Ali C. | June 18, 2009 at 04:28 AM