Radical Womanhood

The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness

A new study says that even after three waves of feminism, men are happier than women.

According to economists Betsey Stevenson and Justin Wolfers, authors of the "The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness," measures of subjective well-being indicate that women's happiness has declined both absolutely and relative to men. Women's declining relative well-being is found across various datasets, measures of subjective well-being, and is pervasive across demographic groups and industrialized countries.

New York Times columnist Russ Douthat read the report (available to subscribers only) and then offered the following insights. I especially appreciate what he says about the importance of child-rearing and how modern cultures need to value motherhood. Though he is not commenting from any evident Christian perspective, I am cheered that broader segments of our nation are seeing how important parenting is. He writes:

A strict feminist and a stringent gender-role traditionalist alike will probably find vindication of their premises between the lines of Wolfers and Stevenson’s careful prose. The feminist will see evidence of a revolution interrupted, in which rising expectations are bumping against glass ceilings, breeding entirely justified resentments. The traditionalist will see evidence of a revolution gone awry, in which women have been pressured into lifestyles that run counter to their biological imperatives, and men have been liberated to embrace a piggish irresponsibility.
There’s evidence to fit each of these narratives. But there’s also room for both.

Feminists and traditionalists should be able to agree, for instance, that the structures of American society don’t make enough allowances for the particular challenges of motherhood. We can squabble forever about the choices that mothers ought to make, but the difficult work-parenthood juggle is here to stay. (Just ask Sarah and Todd Palin.) And there are all kinds of ways — from a more family-friendly tax code to a more accommodating educational system — that public policy can make that juggle easier. Conservatives and liberals won’t agree on the means, but they ought to agree on the end: a nation where it’s easier to balance work and child-rearing, however you think that balance should be struck.

They should also be able to agree that the steady advance of single motherhood threatens the interests and happiness of women. Here the public-policy options are limited; some kind of social stigma is a necessity. But a new-model stigma shouldn’t (and couldn’t) look like the old sexism. There’s no necessary reason why feminists and cultural conservatives can’t join forces — in the same way that they made common cause during the pornography wars of the 1980s — behind a social revolution that ostracizes serial baby-daddies and trophy-wife collectors as thoroughly as the “fallen women” of a more patriarchal age.

No reason, of course, save the fact that contemporary America doesn’t seem willing to accept sexual stigma, period. We simply don’t have the stomach for permanently ostracizing the sexually irresponsible — be they a pregnant starlet, a thrice-divorced tycoon, or even a prostitute-hiring politician.

This Is NEXT

I'm speaking to the young women at the NEXT conference today in Baltimore. The main-session speakers at this conference are Sinclair Ferguson, Kevin DeYoung, D.A. Carson, C.J. Mahaney, and Joshua Harris. You can follow along from afar by reading the conference's liveblog and eventually downloading the messages from the same site (where you can currently download all the messages from prior conferences for free--a real goldmine!). The conference theme this year is exploring the life and work of Jesus Christ -- Christ's preeminence, incarnation, life, death, and resurrection.

Summer Celebration

After lots of rain, it is suddenly gorgeous in my area--the kind of weather that creates day-dreams and inspires "mental health days" as office workers suddenly vanish. Meaning: It's hard to think of anything very deep. But with Memorial Day weekend looming ahead, this weather does inspire me to ask about your summer plans and ideas.

Is anyone going on a mission trip this summer? Does anyone have a favorite summer recipe to share? What about creative ideas for family entertainment? Do you have a summer outreach planned? 

Post your summer celebration tips and help keep this blog going while I'm sitting in sunshine, far from this computer!

A Spiritual Diagnosis

I've long joked that I am the Nation's Foremost Practicing Hypochondriac. I hold no medical license, but my training comes from Discovery Health and other medical programs, as well as numerous general interest medical articles. I'm good at retaining odd facts about various diseases and suggesting these diagnoses to others when they complain of some ill feeling. And I'm quite skilled at Googling medical information. I like to brag that my diagnostic success rate among my "patients" is fairly high. (No clinical studies are available to prove this claim, however--just my selective memory.)

When it pertains to spiritual health, however, I only need to listen to myself to make a credible diagnosis. I have noticed that my poor spiritual health is broadcast to all the listening world when my speech is full of criticism and complaining. And I suspect I am not alone in this. In fact, I have even asked a few friends to ask some pointed questions of me when they hear this kind of ingratitude gushing forth. Mindful of that, I appreciated what my friend, Lydia Brownback, wrote about joy:

Joy. It’s what makes Christians stand out from the world. Along with the gift of Christ himself comes everything we will ever really need. Our security is guaranteed. Our provision is sure. Our path is guided. Undoubtedly we pass through seasons of difficulty and sorrow and uncertainty, but real joy isn’t conditioned upon our circumstances. So why are we gloomy much of the time? We don’t have to be gloomy. We should most certainly not be gloomy! But all too often our thoughts and words are punctuated by grumblings and bad moods. We look at what we lack rather than all we have. 

We are privileged women, not only spiritually but temporally. That is part of our problem. We are over-privileged. Available to us is a pill for every ailment, government aid for financial difficulty, and thirty choices of breakfast cereal in the grocery aisle. On top of that we have free access to the Word and the people of God. Because those things are so easily had, we have come to see our privileges as rights, and such an outlook is a joy crusher. Everything we have—health, freedom, friendship, family, job, government protection—is a gift, not a right. Remembering that truth when things go wrong keeps joy alive.

Doing Beautiful

Recently a man contacted me to ask how to encourage his girlfriend to think biblically when she seems overly concerned about her physical appearance. He thinks she is very pretty--and from her pictures, objectively I think others would agree with him. So it was intriguing to me that he says she can be concerned about her body image and physical beauty.

"Well, obviously women want to hear from their boyfriends or husbands that they are attractive to them," I wrote. "Compliments go a long way! Don't stop telling her that she's attractive to you. But I wonder if perhaps you could do more than just compliment her on being beautiful. What about complimenting her when she is doing beautiful things? We always hear that inner beauty is supposed to be more important than outer beauty, but it doesn't seem to get praised as often--which tempts women to doubt the veracity of that statement."

Why do we women doubt the appeal of inner beauty? Well, to be candid, it's because we forget that our Creator is the ultimate arbiter of beauty. We are awash in makeover messages and as such His perspective is often silenced. From TV shows to magazines, we are drowning in Before and After images. At any given time during a day, there's a roomful of people on TV gushing and crying over the physical transformation of some reality show participant. Everybody and his neighbor shows up to applaud weight loss, a new hairstyle, or a wardrobe overhaul. 

But where is the applause for inner beauty? Where are the TV cameras for the Big Reveal of a renovated character?

The only commendation in that area comes from God and the Bible says it is God's approval that matters most. Peter tells us that an "imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit" is very precious in God's sight. 

That is illustrated, I believe, in the appreciation Jesus extended to Mary when she broke her attractive, valuable alabaster jar to anoint his feet with a costly perfumed ointment. She was quietly worshiping Jesus as others were plotting to take His life. No one present could have overlooked this beautiful act because John 12:3 says, "The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume."

Encouragingly, our Lord promised that the beautiful thing she did would not be forgotten. When the disciples rebuked her, Jesus said: "Leave her alone. Why do you trouble her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. For you always have the poor with you, and whenever you want, you can do good for them. But you will not always have me. She has done what she could; she has anointed my body beforehand for burial. And truly, I say to you, wherever the gospel is proclaimed in the whole world, what she has done will be told in memory of her" (John 12:6-9, emphasis added).

Amen. Millions more people have heard of Mary's inner beauty than have ever heard of the latest reality show contest or beauty pageant winner. May we all follow in the footsteps of this woman whose character is known to us, but whose face and form were never described. 

(Photo: My contradictory mentoring message to my niece when both of us were much younger!)

Waking Up to Faith

Today is the first day of a three-day series on FamilyLife Today about Radical Womanhood: Feminine Faith in a Feminist World. Hosts Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine interviewed me last summer, just as my book was going to print, and now these interviews are airing. As I've experienced before with them, we had a great time -- mixing laughter with serious discussion. It's always a privilege to be asked to be on their show.

The program today, "Waking Up to Faith," is described as: "Are men really the problem? That's what Carolyn McCulley wondered as she grappled her way through her Women's Studies courses in college. Today, Carolyn remembers hearing the gospel clearly taught for the first time and tells how it radically changed her life and her beliefs about feminism."

Tuesday's program is "Feminism's Beginnings" and Wednesday's topic is "Feminism's Impact on Marriage and Family."

You can hear these shows on your local radio station or online at FamilyLife Today's site. Full transcripts are also available online by following the links above.

The Alzheimer's Project

HBO is debuting a four-part documentary series on Alzheimer's starting Sunday evening, May 10. Yes, Mother's Day. That might seem a tad morbid, but I think it's an appropriate subject for us all to consider as we honor those who have made such an investment in us. Alzheimer's is said to be the second most-feared disease, after cancer. I don't doubt that statistic. I know I have prayed about it, asking the Lord to spare me in my future, and I'm sure I'm not alone in that prayer. 

HBO's ambitious series aims to offer hope as it covers the accelerated research on this disease. In addition to the four documentaries, the Alzheimer's Project also encompasses 15 short supplemental films, an informative website, and a nationwide community-based information and outreach campaign. Even better: HBO is making some or all of this series available for a free preview across many television systems. So you can watch it even if you don't have HBO as part of your normal delivery. The programs will also be streaming on hbo.com. Check out the trailer below if you'd like to know more.

Girls Gone Wise

My friend Mary Kassian, an author and professor at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, has started a new blog titled "Girls Gone Wise." It features a lot of good resources on topics such as spiritual life, relationships, sexuality, marriage, mothering, career, life stages and more. Mary has also revived and added two articles I wrote a few years ago for single women, "Single and Fully Feminine" and "Enlarging Your Tent."

In addition, you'll find an online store stocked with Mary's Bible studies and other items and a featured article section addressing topics like feminine strength, gossip, and anger.

Definitely worth checking out!

One Year After Cyclone Nargis

(From Citygate Films' new blog, here is a post about what I'm doing in my work life.)

This past weekend marked the one-year anniversary of Cyclone Nargis’ destructive visit to the nation of Burma (renamed Myanmar by the current military junta). Nargis has been on my mind a lot because I’m working on a short film about the private relief effort spearheaded by a Burmese man I know.

According to a BBC report from last June, the Southeast Asian tsunami of 2004 was just twice as deadly as Cyclone Nargis, but victims received 160 times more aid. It’s a chronic problem for the nation. “This is a forgotten community in the international community,” says Andrew Kirkwood of Save the Children.

The undercover BBC reporter tracked the efforts of the Buddhist monks to provide relief where the government was not, a commendable task to be sure. But other groups were also involved, including the Christian organization featured in the film I’m working on. (Due to persecution there, it’s better for everyone if I am general in this account.)

You can read the rest and watch two videos from the BBC on the Citygate Films blog.

Ideas for Mother's Day

Mother's Day is this month and it's never too soon to think of a few great gift ideas. But you've got to hurry if you are going to take advantage of one of them: Just for today, Revive Our Hearts is having a special sale with 40% off of every book by Nancy Leigh DeMoss in their store. This includes books such as Becoming God's True Woman, Lies Women Believe, Lies Young Women Believe, Seeking Him, and more.

If you want to thank your mother her for being a great mom, you may want to consider spreading her influence far and wide. Many organizations, such as World Vision, suggest giving your mom something she'll never forget — a life-changing gift like a microloan for a hardworking woman, a goat to nourish hungry children, school for a girl in need, or hope for a sexually exploited girl. World Vision has more than 100 gift ideas to suggest for Mother's Day. Or consider a similar gift to any ministry; I am a fan of the work of Shared Hope International, Covenant Mercies, and the Jubilee Campaign.