Wifely Wisdom

Two weeks ago, a wise friend said something that caught my attention. I asked her to repeat it and then I wrote it down. I just knew I would need these words, but I wasn't sure why -- because they were pearls of wisdom for a wife. As a single woman, I often just hoover up these treasures to pass them along to others. But this time, I was also affected. 

And that's why there was such a long silence on my blog last week. I was trying to be a help in a time of crisis.

What she said was (and this is a fairly close quote): "When you see your husband's weaknesses or areas where he needs to grow--or even areas where he's slighting you--I have learned there is no need to defend myself or my point of view. (Now, to be clear, she's not speaking of physical abuse--but the typical arguments over rights or perspectives.) "I have learned to go to God and make a quiet appeal of Him. I say, 'God, You know how to get his attention. I will wait for You to do it. And when You do, I know You will be more merciful about it than I ever will.'"

Amen and amen. How true that is. Right after she said that, my pastor preached a message on trusting God and embracing the Lord's discipline. Then came a situation when another friend of mine went through the loving correction of our Father. At first, it seemed like a very heavy thing. But it wasn't -- it was quite redemptive in the end for him. And just like my first friend had observed, this second friend's wife had also been taking her husband's weaknesses to the Lord. When He moved, God definitely knew how to get the husband's attention, and He did it so tenderly and mercifully that all those who observed it called it miraculous--when it really could have been very painful.

I hope you can follow those indirect accounts. They aren't really mine to tell. They belong to two friends whose humility in trials I have come to admire. But the point is, I rejoiced when I realized I had written down my first friend's words right before I needed them for my second friend's difficulties. So when they hit, I had a good idea of where to go for counsel and comfort: straight to God. And it is true! He does know how to get a man's attention. And He does know how to be so incredibly merciful about it. Unlike many of us, God is not trying to score self-righteous points. He is just trying to redeem a broken and fallen world; so with that agenda, grace abounds.

I trust that encourages some long-suffering wives out there today. May your patience be rewarded with a wonderful testimony, both in your own sanctification as well as your husband's!

(Note: Comments may lag or not be published at all, due to my travel schedule.)

Comments

[Stephanie]

Oh thank you for this- I really needed to hear this given some "communication difficulties" lately between my husband and me.

[Jasmine]

Thanks for this! I have a truly wonderful husband - married 2 months! =D But, he's going thru a difficult time, and the hints I drop or the casual comments seem to hit a wall. When we were engaged, I started doing this thing where I 'tell on him' to Jesus. And can I tell you how AMAZINGLY well this works?! By the VERY NEXT DAY - no joke - the man would be owning up, and without a word from me about it! I'd be in tears over how quickly God moves. Now that we're married, it's even more important I'm reminded of this as we adjust to a new life together. So, thanks again! May we always resort to 'telling on people to Jesus' instead of tearing them down or using other negative reinforcements. After all - we are adults, not kids. ^_^

[Kate]

Thank you for the very encouraging words. I've been struggling with "helping" my husband become a more godly man - but it's not my job! Only the Holy Spirit can do that work! What a clear and simple reminder that the burden is not mine to bear! Thank you!

[Bill G]

I love your blog, Carolyn, and once again, you are right on!

Several years ago, my wife and I went through a very strenuous time in our marriage. I will admit here and now that I was infinitely a greater jerk than I accused my wife of being in the situation, and it was tearing us apart.

My wife finally gave up trying to set me straight by arguing with me directly. She turned to prayer. She gave up trying to fix things (me) herself and spent hours telling God about it.

He changed my attitudes around in ways I could never imagine. I am a blessed man to have a wife that prays for me as she does. Ever since she started, things in our family have been better than ever!

[Lilly]

This is just the advice I've been needing. I'm a young wife and have only been married for three years, so learning to be a virtuous woman has been one of my priorities. Lately I've seen how damaging I can be to my husband. I know I can be condescending and demanding when I think things should be done a certain way. God's been gently correcting me in this area and I am so thankful! This post was the missing piece to the puzzle!

[misslenbuster]

Thanks for sharing this. As an older newcomer to courtship, faith has been the theme of my journey more than infatuation and hearing these stories encourages me to continuing building this foundation of waiting on God in faith. So few people point you in this direction and sometimes you wonder if you're being irresponsible by committing the needed growth of your husband (or potential) to God.