Part two of Focus on the Family's series on singleness continues today. It is a definite follow-on to yesterday's conversation. Today is more somber as Candice Watters and I discuss some of the challenges to trusting God that single women face (such as childlessness, which is not exclusive to single women). As I recall it, our original conversation was a lot longer, which is of course a challenge to the editors at Focus. But I think they did a good job of distilling our main points (and making me more concise!).
To be honest, five years down the line from the publication of my first book on singleness, I didn't think I would still be talking about it. But the more I do, the more I realize that my opinions on the topic (and anyone else's) are just that ... opinions. They are perspectives gleaned from experience. What's most important to me is if you encounter a great and glorious God when you listen to my experience. Because that's been what I've gleaned in these years: His faithfulness is what I have to reassure anyone who is panicking that they might end up in a similar position.
As Dr. Grudem said on Sunday morning at my church, he doesn't know anyone over 50 who has not had a significant trial or affliction. If you live long enough, you will encounter difficulty because it's what happens in a fallen world. But this is not the end of the story. Not only will we experience God's redemptive activity in this life, we have the promise of sin-free, pain-free life everlasting with Him in eternity. So if I am called by God to glorify Him as a single woman, even though I desire marriage, I know He is not wasting that desire or my small sacrifice in the years I have lived in that tension. He is weaving that into His plan to rescue, redeem, and reclaim His children.
And that's my confidence in extended singleness.
Thank you Carolyn for the way you glorify God in all you do to encourage singles. Praying for you and all my belived sisters who desire marriage... have faith!
Posted by: Jeanne Dimmick | October 13, 2009 at 02:33 PM
Hi,
I listened to the Focus program yesterday and today and I have to echo what Dr. Dobson said that you really are an amazing woman to have the attitude that you do. Your perspective is so healthy and also, I can tell, so God-shaped. Thank you. I had tears in my eyes as I listened to the program and then I paused it, and listened again. As a woman who got married at 39 for the first time, I know it can be hard to wait...but God is so in control. Bless you, dear one, for your sharing. I know you touched so many by your care and openess in telling your story.
Posted by: Beth Wendling | October 13, 2009 at 02:43 PM
Amen! Preach it, sister! (in a not-really-preaching way, of course)
Posted by: Molly | October 13, 2009 at 03:39 PM
Carolyn,
You are amazing. There is no question that God is with you -- because your attitude is supernatural. I don't know if I'll ever have your perspective. If I end up staying single (I hope to someday marry) I hope I can have the attitude you do.
Posted by: Lynn | October 13, 2009 at 07:59 PM
Carolyn: I heard you on Focus and can appreciate your circumstances. My brother, who is 41 years old, also has never been married. He desires to be married and I think he often gets discouraged as the years continue to roll by. You joked around on the first segment about single guys sending you an e-mail, so I guess that is what I am doing here (for you or any other single Christian gals out there). We live in Kansas. By brother is an engineer, if that tells you anything about his personality. If anybody is interesting in hearing more, I can be contacted at spencerkechi@juno.com.
Posted by: brandon | October 14, 2009 at 08:47 AM
What I want to know is, how do I meet one of your "clients" : ) Seriously though, thank you for your example and your desire to glorify God with your life. I know it can be easy to turn inward and see "all" that we are lacking when others around us are blessed with things (marriage, biological children) that we would desire to have, however, it takes the work of God to enable us to look beyond ourselves, and as you said in the program, remember, our time here is fleeting. All gifts, ultimately, are but for a moment, it's what we do with those gifts (whether we be married or single) in the short time we have, that counts. So thank you for using your gifts for the glory of God and the edification of others!
Posted by: Marie | October 14, 2009 at 11:59 AM
Carolyn,
I heard you for the third time this week on the radio and you are quite an inspiration - both to women and men. As a man I was encouraged to hear your message to women and in fact I signed up for a copy of your book. My wife would have been cheering you on. Sadly she passed away six months ago.
Maybe there are other men out there like myself. I had a great Godly wife but for some reason God decided to take her home early. I found encouragement in what you had to say. You're a very good writer and I enjoyed your discussion on Focus on the Family and am looking forward to reading your book. I liked your ideas about how singles could help support married couples in their church by offering to babysit and allow them a date night.
Do you plan to come to the Seattle, Washington area? It would be fun to talk to you in person.
Posted by: Craig | October 15, 2009 at 03:00 AM
Good point of view...its really about how we look at a situation - the whole glass empty or glass full debate...thanks for sharing this !!!
Posted by: Cassandra | October 22, 2009 at 04:40 AM
Carolyn, I praise God for you! Thank you for letting Him use you to encourage others. You are glorifying Him through being so open and transparent about your life so others can learn and be pointed to Him. Your outlook on extended singleness is rare and so hope-filled. God knows what He's doing!
Cathy
CHBC
Posted by: Cathy Graham | November 01, 2009 at 03:53 PM