The Sacrifice of Silence

In all my years (all 29 of them ... heh), I have never gotten into trouble for holding my tongue. Not even once. 

Unfortunately, I have often regretted the words I have spoken. 

Therefore, I was attracted to the title of Laurel Robinson's Boundless article today: The Sacrifice of Silence. In this piece, she explores what sacrificing one's right for an immediate reply or defense can produce in terms of peace and godliness. Here's an excerpt. 

This Lent, a friend of mine committed to a practice I found fascinating: she vowed to refrain from rushing to explain and defend herself, even when she felt she might not be fully understood. This discipline was inspired by the well-known prayer attributed to St. Francis, which includes the line: "O, Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek ... to be understood as to understand."

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. (James 1:19)

Since Ash Wednesday, Marie has been attempting to submit herself to this discipline daily, particularly with Gary, her husband of three years. The results at home were almost instantaneous. The first time Gary said something that Marie felt was "snide" toward her, she remained silent. Normally, she might have retorted with a scornful remark or with an indignant "that was rude!" Then, the argument would have escalated, and the next two hours would have been robbed of joy, tainted by coolness toward one another.

After a few moments of her prayerful silence, Gary apologized for his statement. Marie was shocked. He had seldom apologized lately. He knew his words had been hurtful, and her silence gave him the chance to reconsider. Instead of the all-too-common bitterness, there was a relative calm, and the two were able to continue to enjoy one another's company.

James wrote to his fellow believers, "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires (James 1:19)." Frankly, words spoken thoughtlessly do not bring about a righteous life, either. They only distract others or puff us up with pride or self-importance.

Ecclesiastes 3:7 reminds us that there is a proper time for every activity, including "a time to be silent and a time to speak." Surely there are times when it is brave, and prudent, and right to speak up: to defend an innocent person, or to speak the truth boldly to people who are deluded by a lie. However, I wonder how many times in a week the "speaking up" we do is for our own benefit and comfort.

You can read the rest of the article at Boundless.org. I really like how Laurel illustrates what a quiet and gentle spirit looks like in the area of speech for married women. I'm wondering how many of you also have similar testimonies? If you have seen the Lord working in the same way in your restraint, please share your stories with us.

Comments

[kristi]

yikes, I need this! Thanks for the post!

[aban]

wow.
this is brilliant!
thanks SO much for sharing this.

[rachel v]

I thought you only had 25 years? (Wink wink) Thanks for this post, its very thought provoking.

[Anna]

Wow, this is very thought-provoking and convicting. I've been married for almost 11 months, and I can think of many conflicts that would have been averted if I had held my tongue (something my husband is much better at than I am).

[Jessica]

humbling and very much needed in my heart,mind and daily life. Thanks for posting!

[Tawn O'Connor]

Yes, I have experienced that "two-beat pause" (as Laurel so aptly phrased it) by godly people at our church. It's a discreet, sudden silence after I've blurted something inappropriate. It only lasts a moment, but gives me time to hear my words echo in my head and reconsider what I've said--without anyone's condemnation or self-righteous words. I love that eloquent "two-beat pause" in our church.

[Vidya]

I love it..
I've been pushing my self to practicing this type of sacrifice..
Actually, some cultures in my country provokes people to do this too..but unfortunately, this value is drift away slowly from young ages, and it become vanish..
Thank you for this sweet reminder..