They say attention is the new currency. And I believe it. It's quite possible to hear someone's name for years and still not make the connection to check them out. In this case, I've heard Shannon Wexelberg's name for some time, but had never checked her out until I heard her gorgeous song, "Change Me," at the True Woman conference a few weeks ago. Since then, I've been busy downloading her worship music and enjoying singing along with her as she praises God.
So far, my favorite album of hers is the 2007 album, "Faithful God," from which "Change Me," comes.
Come and change me, Lord
In the light of the Your glory
Let my heart be known
Father, search me and know me
Come make me Your own
Change me, Lord
It is even more meaningful to me after having read the story of her infertility on her website, which I've excerpted below.
About five years into "trying," I got pregnant. We were elated and in awe! It was an amazing miracle of God and we were astounded! About 10 weeks into my pregnancy my Dr. cleared me to take a ministry trip to Arkansas that had been previously scheduled. Thankfully, Mark was scheduled to go with me, which he often isn't. I ministered at a Women's Conference that morning and did a worship concert the next evening at the church. That evening, after worship, I began to miscarry. I won't go into the details, but I remember where I was and how I felt even as I sit here this moment. We immediately called the Dr. upon arriving at our hotel after service. He said to "lay down and wait it out til morning" that sometimes this is normal and it may not be a miscarriage. So...of course, I did not sleep the entire night, the sobbing and praying got the better of me. In the morning, one of the gals from the church recommended a Dr. in the area and so the dear worship pastor of the church escorted Mark and me to the hospital nearby. After a serious of tests and ultrasounds, they confirmed I had lost the baby. I was a wreck.
For the first time in this five-year journey of infertility, I asked God "why is this happening to me?" And I didn't ask it in a submissive, sweet way. I was angry, confused and heartsick. Because of some complications, I had to stay in Arkansas for a week following the miscarriage. During that week, I don't remember much else except for crying, reading, sitting outside in the sun, and crying some more. Oh, and there was one trip to Wal-Mart in there. Honestly, I could not stop the tears. I loved Him so, but why was this happening? How could He withhold this one thing I desired so much? I was honest, broken and in pain. And what was the point of this whole miscarriage thing? I would've been happier never having gotten pregnant.
But that's not the end of the story. This article is titled "A Journey to Parenthood," so I encourage you to read it all. Even as a childless woman myself, I rejoiced to read this story of God's provision and timing -- and His tender work in Shannon's life.
A couple weeks passed and I was home. I remember it vividly. I was standing in my kitchen, still able to cry at a moment's notice. And I was still feeling somewhat abandoned by the Lord. Now, my head knew this was not so. My faith was strong. I knew the Word of God. But all my emotions said..."You are being disregarded by Him." David felt that was so often in the Psalms...I was not alone. But in that moment, the Holy Spirit awakened my heart to the garbage I was letting stink up my spirit - the anger, the bitterness, the spoiled-brat attitude. In that moment, I got a picture of the cross in my mind's eye and I sensed the words, "If the cross was all I ever did for you, isn't that enough?" Immediately, without a second thought, I bowed my knees to the Lord in that kitchen and asked His forgiveness for all the pride and self-entitlement I had been carrying. I was a wreck again, but for all the right reasons. I was undone.