Comforting Others

I was working on the follow-up post to this discussion of 2 Corinthians and the God of all comfort when a guest preacher at my church spoke on the same topic this past Sunday. Jon Smith began his message with the story of the four short hours that his son, Chase, lived after his birth. It is a sad story of grief and loss, but Jon offered some advice that I think is invaluable: Weep with those who weep. Don't immediately quote Romans 8:28. Pray first, then just join in the mourning. 

"When you suffer, you often suffer doubly because of the dumb things people say," John observed with a smile.

There's something about tragedy or loss that seems to bring out thoughtless comments from us all. We may not make them every time, but I'm sure we've all been guilty. I know I have. And I've never forgotten the pastoral counsel that one of my friends received after her husband committed suicide: Prepare for incredibly insensitive questions--you will be required to grow in graciousness like you never thought you would. Her pastor was right. Death is unnerving; suicide doubly so. 

Comforting others isn't always about opening our mouths. In fact, our sympathetic presence may be all that is needed in the short term. As we all know, that's the only thing Job's friends got right. But also, we need to pray for the endurance of our friends who are suffering: 

"More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." (Romans 5:3-5)

God is the one who comforts the downcast (2 Cor. 7:6-7), but He often uses us to do so. Paul was clear about that when he told the Corinthians how Titus was used in his life: "But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus, and not only by his coming but also by the comfort with which he was comforted by you, as he told us of your longing, your mourning, your zeal for me, so that I rejoiced still more." Our presence is often an assurance of God's covenant love.

When words are insufficient, our mere coming to be with those who suffer and our prayers for endurance may be all that is required to be instruments of God's comfort.

(photo by vxdigital)

Comments

[Brook (Matt5verse6)]

I am thankful for this fantastic post! I hope you don't mind I have linked to it.

Kindest regards,
Brook

[Bethany]

Such a good reminder. A few months back, I was the unfortunate victim of one of those misguided comments (which, actually, wasn't even meant to be a comfort) but I learned that sometimes, the best thing to do is just be there. Words aren't always necessary, at least, not right away. Some people just need a hand to hold or a comforting expression--words can wait for the moment. Thanks for sharing this--we can all learn from it.

[Laura Droege]

Thank you for sharing this. Sometimes I have been confronted with a grieving person and not known what to say; it's worth remembering and applying the truth that sometimes I don't need to say anything, just listen, hold them, pray for their endurance. That's what one friend did for me during an incredibly dark time in my life: just listened, then prayed for me (right then and afterward) and shared some of his story of dealing with a similiar issue. It was incredibly comforting and I know God used him to comfort me that night.

[Dee@ Prayer Shawl]

Hello Carolyn, I came across your site through another blog. I thoroughly enjoyed this post and I look forward to reading more on your site later this evening.

This site is truely a blessing. I will be adding a like to your site as a resource for women.

[Alicia]

I definitely relate to the needing to grow in graciousness bit. Never is it so clear that people are selfish and speak from their own experience and don't really know how to listen as those times when you desperate want someone to just hear you and they can't because they are too intent on helping you.