Why Pray for a Husband?

Over several years of ministering to single women, I’ve heard one question asked repeatedly: “Should I pray for a husband?”

On the surface, it can seem an odd question, but I am sympathetic to the reasons why it is asked. Lurking behind that one question are many others: “What if God doesn’t answer this prayer?” “Is this something I should even be focused on?” “Is it selfish of me to want a husband?” “Is God still good if I pray and I remain single?” and so forth.

My short answer is: Yes, you should pray! And don’t just pray for yourself. Pray for your other single friends (men and women). Pray for the marriages among your friends and family.

Then open your eyes to the many, many prayers He is answering. Every day, God is bringing people together. So instead of sighing with self-pity when you get that next wedding invitation, rejoice for the evidence of answered prayer!

To be honest, I have not always rejoiced at the weddings of others. At least not initially. But the more I’ve encountered the faithfulness of God, the easier it has become. Taking note of answered prayers is the best antidote I know for overcoming the forlorn assumption that your own prayers go unanswered. Soon you will see an abundance of prayers are answered every day, which balances out the long wait for other prayer requests.

In fact, these days I typically find it very easy to “rejoice with those who rejoice.” Over the years, I’ve been in many formal and informal prayer groups where women have petitioned the Lord for husbands, asked God to bring more single men to their churches, and interceded for the single men who are already there.  The majority of each group is now married. I can list dozens and dozens of men and women alike who now have spouses—men and women of various ages, ethnicities, sizes, shapes, abilities, and temperaments. And I take great delight in saying that because God is no respecter of our arbitrary standards of who is “marryable” and who is not.

So, praise the Lord! Seriously! I’m not being flip. It’s actually quite difficult to take two self-centered people and move them toward making a lifetime commitment to each other. Marriage is an act of grace in action.

Inevitably, though, when I talk about praying for husbands, someone comes in a theological tangle, wondering if God is good to me and to anyone else who is still praying and still single. Should we even pray for husbands? Is that acceptable? What if we pray and we remain single—what then??

My first answer is that of course God is still good if we pray and remain single. Marriage is a gift for this life alone. If we have received forgiveness for our sins and life eternal, we have already received the biggest and best gift and one that is for all eternity. We didn’t miss out on God’s very best.

Secondly, if we are still alive, the story of God’s grace in our lives is still being written. We don’t know the future. Only He knows the beginning from the end (Is. 46:10 and Rev. 21:6) and so it is arrogant to assume we can survey our circumstances and conclude we know what God is doing. (See: Naomi. A woman who was so very sure God’s hand was against her that she wanted to be called “Bitter.” But as she stood complaining, she had no idea that God was already at work to provide food, a kinsman-redeemer, an heir, and even far more unexpectedly, a place in the lineage of her Savior!)

Thirdly, we have no other option, according to Scripture. Philippians 4:4-7 makes this very clear: “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” This passage makes it very easy for us to understand that all we can do is pray, be thankful, and avoid anxiousness, which leads to bitterness. We’re not in charge of the answers. We’re in charge of the petitions. So, petition away!

But be thankful in those petitions. Since we’re not the omniscient, omnipotent, perfect, holy, just, and merciful Being in these transactions, we get to be the grateful recipients. All the time. Without ceasing. “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).

What circumstances do you find yourself in today? Give thanks and pray without ceasing. For as we keep our eyes on Him and praise Him in all circumstances (the good, the happy, the hard, the confusing, the horrifying), we silence the Accuser, the one who exists to blame God for not being good and blame us for not being good enough.

Of this I am supremely confident: When we see our Savior and Redeemer face to face, we will not regret being thankful for trusting Him, even in circumstances we could not control and would not have chosen. We will see then by the light of His glory all that He was doing in and through those very moments. What seemed like unanswered prayer will be set against the grand tapestry of His grace coursing through history. We will see what He was doing … and we will eternally praise Him for it.

So pray without ceasing and eagerly await what God does in and through these prayers.

Comments

[Elisabeth]

So encouraging and refreshing, Carolyn! I immediately passed it on to four friends. I'm saying a big AMEN to your prayers!

[Cheri]

Good words of encouragement for all of us, single or married. We all find ourselves in difficult circumstances at one time or another, and yet He is good. He is faithful. Thanks for writing this, Carolyn.

[Katy]

I love your second point... The other points are true...we should pray without ceasing. We should rejoice and anticipate His answers, even if they are not what we would like.

But, I think we focus on trusting God in bad circumstances (at least I do) that I forget that my story is still being written. I assume He hasn't answered my prayers for a spouse and choose to say "Help me trust you without this answer" -- but I forget that He could still be answering.

It is almost harder to trust God in the waiting. If my answer was No, I would hate that, then accept it, then ask the Lord for His help in learning to trust and rejoice, and learn to quit hoping for a spouse and trusting God to sustain me, even in the "no" answer...but not knowing the answer is harder - because its a mix of trusting and hoping... which sometimes to me seems opposites...

So, I love your point that our stories are still being written. I trust God in my singleness now, and I may have to trust Him in my singleness forever, but I do not yet know that. Why quit petitioning? As you said, the answer is not my responsibility or control, but the petitioning is.

[Linda]

Carolyn - years ago you led a few of us in praying and fasting for husbands on a regular basis. Even though God brought my husband many years later, it was still very fruitful and I think God used it to help my heart wait for God to move.

[Grace]

Carolyn, you are a beautiful woman. I know that God has used you much in this life and I wished that your blog was around when I was single because it would have helped me much; so many single women need wisdom from others. As a married woman now, I realized the importance of being totally in love with my God, putting Him first in my life. God wants our total devotion to him and when he feels we will not play the harlot by putting a husband and others before him, then he give us what we need, not what we think we should have in a mate. God does knows what is best! Being single is a time to rejoice.

[Mandy]

This article was great, especially helping us readers, whatever things we're wresting with, to relieve the pressure or anxiety in ourselves, and helping people to look up. One thing that I wish you had mentioned, though, is that while people are unmarried they have a unique opportunity and freedom to grow as an individual, and be happy alone. Also there is the assurance that not all women or men are meant to be married, and that in that they are not/need not feel less complete or fulfilled because they never have a spouse. Some very winning people for God have been unmarried men and women. The apostle Shaul (Paul) was a well-documented example. I think as women especially learn contentment with being unmarried, while they have the desire to be married, they will learn that having a husband (and maybe) children is not an end-all of feminine existence. It is merely something God chooses for some. There is some beautiful grace in that, and freedom.

[Anita]

This post makes so, SO much sense. I have often wondered whether I should pray for a husband, but your words helped me see that not talking to God about it is actually a faithless attitude.
I love the reminder that our stories aren't finished yet, and also that the best thing that could happened HAS happened!
Thanks very much for this practical, inspiring post.

[Heartsrejoice.wordpress.com]

I was thinking about this topic the other day, and the following thoughts/questions caused me some distress!

As a single woman, I read (and wish to heed) plenty of warnings not to idolize marriage. Idolatry - putting anything before the One True God - is not limited to carved images. My question is, if I continue to petition God for a husband out of a desire to be married, isn't my inability to set aside that desire be indicative of idolatry in my heart? Can I justify asking God specifically for a husband without implying He is not enough for me, in essence asking for the very object my idolatrous heart seeks?

I believe that this question subtly addresses an attitude, and as such I do not intend to condemn petitioning God. God welcomes, hears, and answers our prayers. At times while waiting, though, I grow frustrated by my inability to be content. Isn't that what the struggle of the wait comes down to? It's not that I don't know to trust God, it's that my heart (i.e. emotional response) and head (i.e. rationale) just don't quite agree on the how (at this moment). Thus, my question. Do I make sure not to petition God for a husband when I've hit such an emotional place? How does this line up with how God cares for all of me - including my emotional self?

[Trinka Jeffery]

I've come to the opposite conclusion on this one. (and for myself only ... not applying it to others!)

When I prayed for marriage, I found that it kept me from living fully in the here-and-now. Since we're told that God gives singleness for the purpose of whole-hearted ministry, it seemed as if praying for marriage was thwarting God's purpose that I was SURE of.

I finally had to just leave it with him, and move on, trusting that if He wanted me to be married, He'd bring it to pass without my focusing on it. :)

Trinka

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much for this post! As a recent college grad, I've seen a lot of my friends wrestle with entering the "real world" without a significant other. It's refreshing to hear some applicable, godly advice on the subject. Thank you!

[emma]

The bible says that ''He that finds a wife finds a good thing'',We should pray for husbands because we need the help of God in locating the missing link-husbands.