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August 23, 2012



I found this blog through a retweet by the Boundless twitter... and I have to say it's such SOUND advice! Your example of Ruth attracting Boaz because she was a hard worker really spoke to me - sometimes I feel like because I work very hard and devote so much time to my career (I work at a church), that this will somehow prevent me from ever being "found" by my future husband. Like Ruth, I want to be a woman who glorifies God in her labor and works hard to serve others. Thank you for the encouragement and wisdom you shared here!


I have been following your work for about seven years or so. Your voice and perspective are SOOO necessary and life-giving. Seriously, there are times when I felt as if your blog/books/radio interviews have saved my life . As a single woman I feel battered on a daily basis. Whether from comedians, social commentators or Christian writers/speakers, the message we receive is that we are doing everything wrong. Your words of wisdom and encouragement, as well as your life example are so powerful, substantive, biblically sound and HELPFUL. There is no shortage of people offering advice to single women, but I can count on one hand those who actually help single women to live this life victoriously. Thank you for what you do.

Lore Ferguson

Thanks so much for this Carolyn. While I am probably not what the world sees as hugely successful in my career (a graphic designer at a non-profit, my dream job in the jobsphere, but certainly not glamorous or a life career), I do feel that sense that men are somewhat intimidated by me. I've been told that on several occasions (though it's usually in reference to my love for Jesus more than my love for my job), and I just have to remind myself that if marriage is in my future, it's marriage to one man, and I only need to not intimidate him =) In the meantime I pray for humility, gentleness, and a good work ethic at whatever the Lord has given me to do for today!


Great advice, Carolyn. I'm grateful that my husband asked me lots of questions about my dreams and goals while we were still friends. This gave me the opportunity to say that while I would pursue my graduate studies in piano as my calling in the short term, really I wanted to be a wife and mother. He liked the sound of that, I guess!

So, it's great if men actually ask women questions that can give them opportunity to express their desire for marriage.

And ladies, it's great to express that desire too! When talking with friends about your personal future plans, if you are truly willing to adjust them seriously for marriage and family, say so!

Candice Watters


I'm glad for the opportunity to think more deeply about this issue with you. Statistically, it seems this problem may persist for a while. As I've pondered what I wrote and your follow up here, I realized I forgot something essential in my original article: prayer.

Bill Farley writes, in his excellent book Gospel Powered Parenting, about the importance of godly women praying for biblical masculinity. This is crucial if there are to be godly men to marry. Farley encourages women to "ask God to make the men in your life masculine as defined by Christ's example."

I would add the words of Christ, "that they ought always to pray and not lose heart" (Luke 18:1).

We can understand every facet of the problem and even know what we should do, and yet, what we need to do first and most (and without ceasing), is pray!

Bethany Grover

Hmmm... Good questions! I really appreciate your perspective, Carolyn. Still, I would be very interested to hear some men's thoughts on this subject- both married and single.

I've noticed this dynamic in the church in general- regarding women who are experienced in ministry or confident of their convictions or perspectives on any topic. I don't feel like I have a handle on why that is. Do we ladies come across more feminist than we mean to? Or do men read that into our attitudes because that's the stereotype they're used to?

I also am not sure if that dynamic is at play across denominations, or just in more conservative circles.


I love this. As a successful single woman, I've constantly felt like the only way to get married is to "dumb myself down." And I never would so I've thought I'll just be single forever. I found Candice's article very discouraging (which is rare, usually I love her advice). It gave me the impression that I am right to think I have to give up my passions if I'm ever going to marry. But your response was very encouraging. Thank you!

Sharmen Wright

Carolyn, this is an outstanding article and so helpful for me to read. I am still single, and yet still desire marriage. I have been realizing, that one of the reasons I'm not married is that I've been too picky about some things. Thanks for the reminder, too, that I don't need to be attractive to every man in the world, only the one God may have for me.

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