Radical Womanhood

A Woman's Seasons

Susan Hunt wrote an excellent article on mentoring back in 2001, which is archived on Moody Magazine.com. Titled "A Woman's Seasons," this article explains why women are called by God in the Titus 2 passage to mentor other, younger women. Susan is a pastor’s wife, mother and grandmother, and director of Women’s Ministries for the Presbyterian Church in America. She is co-author with Peggy Hutcheson of Leadership for Women in the Church (Zondervan). Here's an excerpt from her article:

Let’s revisit Titus 2. This mandate is electrifying! Titus was pastoring a church on Crete in a pluralistic, decadent culture. Of all the things Paul could have told Titus to tell the women to do to combat that decadence, he bore down on the importance of older women encouraging and equipping younger women to live godly lives.

In recent years I have observed a troubling phenomenon. Many women of my generation have relinquished this high calling of nurturing younger women. Every where I go I meet young women who long for spiritual mothers.

My generation has abandoned this calling for many reasons. Some think they have nothing to offer. Some are intimidated by the intelligence and giftedness of the younger women. And some have decided this is the season to indulge themselves. I plead with my peers not to squander this season of your life. You have a perspective on life to share. Your sensibilities have been tempered by time. Your faith has been stretched and strengthened by your life-experiences.

I plead with the church to equip women for this ministry. God is gifting His church with incredible young women. They are a sacred trust; we must be good stewards. Many of them are first-generation Christians. Many are separated from their families because of the mobility of our society. We must teach them the truths of biblical womanhood. We must teach them how to pass on the faith to the next generation. The consequences of our accepting or abandoning this calling will reverberate through several generations.

Your mind may be buzzing with questions: Am I an older woman or a younger woman? How do I find Titus 2 relationships? How do I learn to live for God’s glory in every season and circumstance of life?

Every woman is both a younger and an older woman. There is someone who needs your life-perspective, and there is someone with a life-view that you need. How do you connect? The easiest way is when churches craft women’s ministries that teach women God’s truth about womanhood and that help enable nurturing relationships.

A woman’s life is not about just enduring diapers and the terrible twos, or the empty-nest, or a room in a nursing home. It is about valuing each season of life as an opportunity to honor the King of kings. It is about drinking deeply of grace and then reflecting that grace to others.

(HT: Justin Taylor)

Weaker Partner

I've never met writer Heather Koerner, but our similar backgrounds make me think we would have a lot in common. I really appreciated her article this week in Boundless, "Weaker Partner." She introduces her background as a competitive little girl, and then writes about how she came to have a better understanding of biblical femininity through studying God's Word, the loving leadership of her husband, and, oddly enough, a secular article about Ayaan Hirsi Ali, a Muslim woman who grew up in Mogadishu, Somalia, and now lives in the States. I recommend Heather's whole article, but here's the excerpt that really caught my attention:

"When I first came to a Western country, I was astonished to find men who said, 'Ladies first,'" [Ali said]. "I was amazed because I was born and raised in a culture that put me last because I was born a girl."

"A culture that holds the door open to her women is not equal to one that confines them behind walls and veils," Ali continued. "A culture that encourages dating between young men and young women is not equal to a culture that flogs or stones a girl for falling in love. A culture where monogamy is an aspiration is not equal to a culture where a man can lawfully have four wives at once."

Unfortunately, not all women are as appreciative of an opened door as Ali. Some women, and men, link the impulse to open a door for a woman with the impulse to repress and abuse her. But Ali's experience has taught her the exact opposite, and I think she is right: There is a difference between a culture where women are honored and a culture where women are chattel.

But, for me, it goes further than just "culture." Many modern day feminists have tried to argue that they offer me honor while Christianity offers me chattel. But they've got it backwards. I only have to look around to see it. The hook-up culture, the abortion culture, the depiction of women in media — they're all proof. It wouldn't take me 10 seconds flipping the television to see that — though Ali is gracious enough to see the positives in our culture — there is plenty of chattel-like behavior towards women.

As a seventh-grade girl, I was incensed that someone would treat me differently because I was a female. Now, though, I take comfort in the fact that God commands my Christian brothers to treat me differently. God's balance, of course, is perfect. He commands that I be respected, but also that I respect. He commands that I be honored, but also that I honor. He commands that I submit to authority, but also commands that authority to submit to Him.

Those last two sentences are priceless truth. You can read the full article on Boundless.org.

The Ideal Christian Woman

(My friend Mike Seaver alerted me to this challenging-yet-hopeful article from Wendy Alsup, deacon of women's theology and teaching at Mars Hill Church in Seattle. This is the first part. I am looking forward to reading the rest of the series.)

I have had several women recently come to me concerned that they don't match the stereotype of the Ideal Christian Woman. That got me to think--what is that stereotype? When I hear others discuss the "Christian Woman" at our church, I think I know what they are talking about. I'm not going to describe her here, because I don't want to hurt any woman who may fit that stereotype. But I do want to shoot down the main myth I hear about the stereotypical Christian woman.

Myth
The godliest of Christian women look great all the time, all have godly Boaz type husbands, and have the same convictions about childbirth, breastfeeding, education, dinner preparation, employment, and so forth.

The Truth
First of all, "godliest" is a bad label. It implies we determine our godliness by comparing ourselves to others. "She's godlier than that other lady, so that makes her the godliest." Wrong! Christ is our standard of perfection, and we all fall short of His glory. The best analogy I've heard is that it is like someone standing on a sheet of paper and claiming to be closer to the sun. When we try to use the label "godliest," we are equally absurd.

We have many godly, mature ladies at Mars Hill with great wisdom to offer their sisters in Christ. The first quality of all of them is humility. They realize their unworthiness and don't hold their preferences on childbirth, breastfeeding, education, dinner prep, and so forth as anything for which to pat themselves on the back. In fact, among the mature, Christlike women I know at Mars Hill, there are diverse opinions on each of these issues. Also, we have many godly women who are not married and/or do not have children. These women too are humble servants, hospitable with their resources and Christlike in their priorities.

I have definitely felt pressure from godly Christian women. But rather than feeling peer pressure to conform to some outward stereotype, I have felt pressure to know God, spend time in His Word, to pray, to be humble, to love my husband and children, and to embrace my role in their lives. While I have gleaned great practical information on breastfeeding, education, childbirth, dinner prep, etc from these ladies, I haven't felt pressure to conform to their image. No--they point me to conform to Christ's image (Romans 8:29). In that light, I can receive their practical feedback on different topics, compare it to other research I've done, pray about it with my husband, and reach my own personal convictions from the Word based on how the Spirit is leading my family as He conforms us to the image of God.

In light of all this, what are the true characteristics of the Ideal Christian Woman? Over the next few articles, let's take some time to explore these in four main categories I have observed.

1. The Ideal Christian Woman … Is Honest About Her Sin.
If we want to paint a stereotype of the Ideal Christian Woman, she would first simply be honest about the condition of her heart. The Apostle Paul is such a great example of this in the many letters he wrote to the young, fledgling New Testament churches. In I Timothy 1:12-15, he lays it out very clearly.

I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service, though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent. …. The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost.

Paul starts his letters under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit with an honest assessment of his sin. And notice that, while he gives the humble general statement that he was the foremost of sinners, he also lists specific sins. He doesn't sugar coat it, and he doesn't brush over it.

In contrast, how many of us have spent significant portions of our lives paralyzed by fear of exposure? We respond in groups by either clamming up or deflecting conversation because we don't want anyone to know the depth of our issues. And if we ever do give voice to our struggles, we sanitize it. We don't really want others to know how much we're hurting right now. And we don't want anyone to know how much our sin has hurt others.

Oh that we would be a church of humble women who are honest about our sin. Instead, so often we are a mix of shame and pride. We're ashamed of ourselves because of what others have done to us and what we, in turn, have done to others. And we're too proud to admit it to anyone. We must become women who value confession.

[Read the rest of the article on The Resurgence blog.]

Don't Blame the Feminists

"We need to realize how difficult it is for many women to embrace God's design for male leadership in the home when they've never seen a godly male leader. Many have only seen extreme forms of abuse and tyranny. The fight to uphold a complementarian, or what I would call a biblical, view of gender doesn't start with attacking feminists. It should begin with Christian men--single and married--heeding the call of scripture to be humble, masculine, self-sacrificing servant-leaders."--Joshua Harris

That's the conclusion of an excellent blog post from my senior pastor, titled "Don't Blame the Feminists."

It's a follow-on to the sermon he preached two weeks ago from 1 Corinthians 11:2-16 called "Men, Women and Headgear." We women had been anticipating that message, wondering if Josh would be introducing new fashions to our church. Much to our curiosity, he did walk onstage carrying a baseball cap and a bath towel. These kinds of live illustrations expose the limitations of listening to sermons online--the visuals were great! I would encourage you to listen to this excellent message, even though you can't visualize his hat illustrations. (A tip for those who do listen--in the last illustration, he turns the baseball cap sideways to maximize his street cred).

As Josh explains: "The primary focus of all that he's saying is the way men and women behave in worship. Even though the presenting issue is head coverings, there's something bigger at stake here. So why is headgear so important to Paul? What's the issue? First, we need to remember in all cultures, in every age, clothing communicates. . ."

From Feminism to Faith

With the conclusion of summer, we are poised to enjoy the fall season. It's also a new season for me. Or rather, it's a return to a familiar season--the season of living in the black hole of book writing. It's been three years since my first book came out, so I've had time enough to forget the pain of a book deadline hanging over my head. I guess that's why I agreed to do it again.

I am pleased to announce that I've just signed a contract with Moody Publishers for an untitled work. This is where you come in. I need your help to come up with a title. Having lived with the pain of an easily misunderstood book title, I don't want to do that  again! (For the record, I did not kiss marriage goodbye. I want to be married and hope it will happen before the bridal party all has to process down the aisle with wheelchairs and walkers!)

This second book is the one I wish I had as a new believer. I came into the church as an adult with the idea I was an independent thinker. I had no concept of how much I had been shaped by feminism (even though I had a college certificate in women's studies). So when I encountered a church that taught and celebrated masculine and feminine roles as defined by Scripture, I thought I had encountered a weird time warp. But it didn't take long for me to see the peace, love, and mutual respect in the relationships around me--the fruit of applying biblical teaching. But still I wrestled with the concepts. During this time, my pastor recommended Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood to me, but that meaty and theologically dense book was way over my head as a young believer. Ever since then, I've looked for a book that explains critical issues about womanhood in a solid, but accessible and applicable manner. I haven't found it yet, so for the last few years I've prayed about whether I should attempt to write it myself. With the encouragement of my pastors, I proceeded to develop the book outline.

I also owe a debt of gratitude to Nancy Leigh DeMoss for her consistent encouragement of this project. Earlier this year, I did an interview with Nancy and another woman, Jennifer Epperson. Jennifer and I both journeyed as adults from feminism to faith--and our conversation will be aired this week on the Revive Our Hearts radio show (you can download the MP3 or read the transcripts online for the "Floating Into Feminism," "Is Man the Enemy?," "Submission Impossible," and "Making the Most of God" programs). In addition to conducting this interview, Nancy also introduced me to Moody and requested that my book be released in time for her national women's conference next October, the True Woman '08: Now Is the Time conference. John Piper, Joni Eareckson Tada, Mary Kassian, Janet Parshall and other speakers will join Nancy for this event in the Chicago area. (If you want to know more, visit the ROH events page and watch the video.) I'm planning on being there, Lord willing, so I hope I get to see some of you there, too.

Back to the book. I would greatly appreciate your prayers in this time--not only that I would finish the book accurately and punctually, but also that I would not stumble in my own life. I am well aware of how tests and temptations can arise when writing or speaking on biblical topics and my greatest desire is not to dishonor the Lord. I would also appreciate your title suggestions. If Moody selects a submitted title, they will be sending a goodie bag of great resources to the winner as an expression of our mutual gratitude.

This week's Revive Our Hearts programs will give you a bit of a feel for the book. But it may also be helpful to read the sample back-cover text I sent to Moody and the list of proposed chapter titles. (Fine print: Everything is subject to change.)

What defines your worth as a woman? Is it your beauty or your sexual appeal? Is it found in your professional accomplishments or your children’s achievements? Is it based upon how well you multi-task to pull off the superwoman act?

More importantly, do you know why you believe this?

For the last two centuries, women have challenged the prevailing thinking of what it means to be a man or a woman. Now this perspective is our culture's default setting—but is it wise?

This book explores how we got here and offers a different viewpoint: what it means to be made a woman in the image of God.

If you value your identity as a woman, but have questions about God’s purposes for your femininity, this book will help clear the fog of cultural confusion. You, being made a woman in the image of God, are no after-thought or accident. You have something sacred to reflect in the guts and glory of your femininity.

My plan is that each chapter will feature a story about a woman who put God's Word and His promises to the test and found Hiim to be faithful. I've been collecting these testimonies for years--all the women in the book are friends of mine, though some of their identifying details will be changed. I want to capture on paper the grace I've seen in these women.

Chapter One: The Gift of a Second Chance
Chapter Two: "Did God Really Say...?"
Chapter Three: Men Aren't the Problem
Chapter Four: Womanhood Is Not Wimpy
Chapter Five: Trusting God in the Storm
Chapter Six: Muttering About Motherhood
Chapter Seven: There's No Place Like Home
Chapter Eight: Botox Nation
Chapter Nine: Raunch Culture Rip-Off
Chapter Ten: Women in God's Face

When I've given the core message of this book at various conferences, I've heard from the groups that I hope to reach with this book. Women who struggle to reconcile God's Word with what they asbsorb in mainstream media, new believers, and women who have been long-time champions of biblical womanhood have all come up afterward to offer their own insights and comments. Most have been unaware of the long, slow boil of feminism and appreciated the historical overview. Many expressed a renewed commitment to God's design when they compared and contrasted worldviews. But I hope all came to understand that biblical womanhood is not a wimpy concept. It takes great strength of character to see what's at stake eternally and to live for it.

I expect my research and writing will also affect the focus of this blog, expanding it beyond the topic of singleness. At some point, you may see a new blog title. But only after I get the book title nailed down! If you have any suggestions based on the above material, please use the comments function to submit them (I won't be posting them, though). For now, I'll just need your name and email address. Many, many thanks for your consideration!

(Photos: Recording the interview on location at the National Religious Broadcasters conference last February and smiles upon concluding the interview.)

Rapidly Learning

This past weekend, I took a group of friends to a man-made whitewater course at Deep Creek, Maryland. The new Adventure Sports Center International mountain-top course offers all the thrills of whitewater with few of the real river dangers. I've rafted the James and New Rivers, but I've never been an involuntary swimmer--until this trip. Our guide delighted in surfing rapids until he could dislodge one or more paddlers. Fortunately, on this course that's not a terribly dangerous experience. Not only can you walk out of this shallow river, there are also a number of guides standing on the shore with throwbags to tow you to safety.

However, it's still a disconcerting and nerve-wrangling experience to be launched from the raft into the rapids; even more so when you pop up under the raft. As long as the raft has also flipped over, you have a natural air pocket. If not, you have a rubber ceiling weighed down with the remaining paddlers. I also learned the hard way that your lifejacket prevents you from trying to swim out from under the overturned raft--you will always bob back to the surface. Duh.

The first time I ever went whitewater rafting, I learned an important lesson. But not about rafting. I learned something about following. My boyfriend at the time was really into cycling and whitewater boating, primarily kayaking. The cycling was fine with me--we had met on a bike trip. But I always thought of whitewater boating as his thing, not mine. So when he suggested we take a trip down the James, I refused to go. Somehow, though, he managed to get me on that raft. I had whined, complained, and resisted the entire way there, trying to cover my fear. He would have none of it.

Finally, as we started down the river, he turned to me and said something to the effect of, "Look, you could do this if you would just shut up and listen to me. I know what I'm doing here. I know your capabilities. Just listen to what I tell you, do it, and you'll be fine. You're the one making this difficult."

He was right. When I stopped resisting him, we both had fun. In fact, I loved it. Though we stopped dating years ago, he gave me two gifts: a love of whitewater rafting and an insight into leadership and followership. Followership is an awkward word, but I use it purposefully. It's quite popular to discuss leadership skills, but nobody talks about followership skills. Yet both are needed. Leaders have to have people following them or they aren't leading anything. A good follower is as necessary to the team as a good leader.

Whitewater rafting provides the perfect illustration. A rafting guide is the leader of several other paddlers in the boat. Some paddlers may be novices, others may be quite seasoned. But on the river, only one person can make decisions in fast-moving water. Everyone else has to listen to the guide and paddle in unison--or else the team goes for an unwanted swim in the rough water. Because he is charged with navigating the rapids, the guide yells, "All forward! Pull hard!" But if he's the only one paddling, the maneuver won't be successful. As the raft approaches the rapids, it's important that the followers are listening carefully and doing what the guide says promptly and thoroughly. Coordinated teamwork prevents disaster.

This is the same principle found in Scripture about marriage. God has assigned the husband the role of the guide. The husband is accountable for guiding the raft according to the instructions he has received from the Bible. Likewise, God has assigned to the wife the role of the fellow-paddler. She takes her paddling cues from her husband, and together they navigate the turbulence of life. If he doesn't lead well, the boat could go in circles. If she doesn't follow well, the boat could capsize.

It's hard to be a top-notch follower, but it's worth the effort to cultivate the skill set. In my observation (and limited experience), good followers know:

- How to assess the "river skills" of a guide before getting into the boat. Once in the boat, they've made a commitment. They can't get out mid-stream. They must stick in that boat until the trip is finished.

- That because the guide has received certain skills, knowledge, and perspectives that enable him to lead, this means the follower must combat the indwelling tendency to second-guess the guide.

- That there's an art to listening well. Therefore, followers learn to listen carefully (without sinful judgment, bitterness, or a rehearsed litany of sins and failures) and then perform the instructions carefully.

- That followers can set the tone of the whole trip with their attitudes and words.

- That the river requires humility of both the guide and the fellow-paddler.

Though neither of us were Christians at the time, my boyfriend provided a blunt but needed assessment of my character and an illustration that later in life made it much easier for me to understand God's harmonious design for marriage. I think of it every time I'm in a raft--and sometimes out of it, too.

(Top photo: The "before" shot, while we were all still dry. Middle photos: Rafters on the trip prior to ours; an ASCI photo of the first drop in the course. In these two shots, notice that the pros in the publicity photo are the only ones actually paddling in the scary moment! Bottom photo from left: Bethany, Connie, Charlotte, Reema, Christopher, Janine, Mace, Novia, and Mindy at Deep Creek Lake.)

Quoteworthy

I've been driving around listening to the marvelous messages from the New Attitude conference. Once again, I was struck by John Piper's favorite illustration (and I'm paraphrasing here)--about how we are called to magnify God to the unbelieving world. But not as a microscope, which makes a tiny thing bigger. But as a telescope which makes something far away look less like a tiny dot and more overwhelming and real. The stars in the night sky can be overlooked because they appear so small and distant to us, but in reality they are terrifyingly huge and wondrous. In the same way, we are to be that telescope to the thousands who only consider God as a tiny dot somewhere in the landscape of their lives. When they look at us, they should be able to see God more like He really is.

What a thought! If someone looks through me, will God be terrifyingly magnificent or not?

In that vein, a reader named Lindsay sent me this quote from G.K. Chesterton: "People talk of the pathos and failure of plain women; but it is a more terrible thing that a beautiful woman may succeed in everything but womanhood."

When God created us male and female in His image, there's something in His design of femininity that magnifies His glorious attributes in creation. Indeed, it is a terrible thing not to succeed in glorifying God through our womanhood. In fact, John brought up a similar point when he said that it's harder for physically attractive people to draw attention to God--it can distract rather than magnify. It's our weaknesses and flaws that point past us to Him.

Thus beauty and charm have a limited shelf-life but feminine fear of the Lord only grows more praiseworthy (Proverbs 31:30)

Women Who Intimidate

Our January series about the good goal of getting married is still ongoing, though just periodically at this point. Today, we're going to explore the intimidation factor. For some of you, this won't ring any bells. For others of you, it will raise a red flag and ring lots of bells. Perhaps you have heard men describe you as intimidating, though usually you only hear it second-hand and it puzzles or angers you. When women are described as intimidating, it's not the same way as it's meant for men. Typically, we're not physically threatening to men, so what do men mean when they say this?

Feminists have generally interpreted this to mean that a successful woman is intimidating to men. So when they hear this, they react with scorn at men who can't handle a woman who is competent on many fronts. That's what I used to believe, too, having been thoroughly indoctrinated in my feminist, unbelieving past. Even for several years as a Christian, I maintained a similar view. But then I had a few key conversations and the light started to dawn. With that feedback and a look at Scripture (certainly the Proverbs 31 woman is ultra-competent and she is being celebrated, not dismissed!), I realized intimidation has nothing to do with successful performance but everything to do with attitude.

For example, during a Q&A session a few years ago at a women's retreat, a single woman asked me what it means when a man says a woman is intimidating. She wanted to know if that was a code word for being too successful, too ugly, too whatever. I told her that I think it has more to do with the "vibe" a woman gives off. This is short-hand, I said, for the demeanor, attitude, and communication style a woman has. A woman is either peaceful and gentle, which are fruits of a heart that is humble and trusts God, or she is turbulent with the pushy arrogance and impatience of a woman who is self-centered. Men are intimidated when they think they will encounter a brick wall in trying to lead or serve a woman like this. It has more to do with an unyielding and judging spirit than competence. I had it on good authority as I had learned this information the hard way--the result of many conversations with patient men (and women!) who were willing to help me learn and change.

That's why I nodded and cringed with recognition as I read the chapter on women with strong personalities from Peacemaking Women, by Tara Klena Barthel and Judy Dabler.

Whether at home or in the workplace, women with leadership gifts and strong personalities will be prone to conflict. . . .By leadership gifts we mean the ability to encourage and motivate people to follow. By strong personality we mean that combination of vivaciousness and infectious enthusiasm that often accompanies bright minds and verbal prowess. . . .Sometimes a woman with a strong personality does not understand how she comes across to the people around her. We both cringe when we consider how we related with people when we were in our twenties. Often we were decisive--and intimidating. We were determined--and disrespectful. Instead of understanding that some people thrive in more contemplative environments, we communicated with people in ways that implied we thought they were slow or weak. We were blind on how much our drivenness communicated that we believed others lacked passion and importance simply because they did not strive to accomplish as many goals or objectives as we did. Ironically, that same drivenness came from a desire to succeed and to bless the people around us. But our attitudes and our behaviors put people off and caused conflict.

In this chapter, the authors are not implying that women with such gifts are called to lead a family or a church. They recognize the appropriate spheres in which women are called by Scripture to use their gifts. What they want us to understand is the impact of the arrogance and lack of appreciation for others that often characterizes women with strong personalities. In plain old Christian terms, we need humility. One practical way to mortify pride is to cultivate gratitude for the contributions and gifts of others. We also need to view ourselves from another perspective and realize that relationships are more important to God than our "accomplishments." I put that in quotes because our puny accomplishments are laughable because we do nothing on our own, anyway. God enables everything we do, including our next breath.

Instead of rushing through life, task-oriented female leaders are called to grow in love and develop understanding. One way we can do this is to redeem the time by becoming an observer of people and the world. Beginning with ourselves, we can learn to become a student of others. Instead of being satisfied with accomplishing our substantive goals while being blind to how we are relating with people, we are called to understand and to serve others in love.

To understand others and ourselves better, we can quietly ask ourselves: What nonverbal cues am I observing? Are they comfortable, or am I talking too fast? How often am I interrupting? Has everyone in the room had an opportunity to talk? Am I communicating genuine interest and care? . . .

Women with powerful personalities tend to experience great tension because we know we are to be humble but deep in our hearts a war rages. Even though we would probably not admit it to many people, deep down we believe that compared to others, we often know more, understand more, and have the right way to do things. Such pride leads to conflicts and broken relationships. In the words of Susan Hunt, "Pride always divides, but the cross unites." God's grace develops humility in us and enables us to show the world Jesus.

Finally, the authors address the tension women with strong personalities can create for those in leadership.

Women with strong personalities can be affirming to their leaders, causing them to delight in the joys of having someone who believes in them and supports them with great passion. When those times arise that women with strong personalities are called upon to submit to decisions with which they don't agree, their same powerful personalities can cause terror in others. Leaders can fear angering strong women because they do not want to endure our wrath and disdain.

And there you have it--that last sentence sums up the intimidation factor. No one wants to endure wrath and disdain from a proud, judgmental woman. So please don't let worldly thinking confuse competence with arrogance. We see many competent women with strong faith in Scripture. Competence is not the problem, sin is. But there is hope for change! God's grace can enable us all to tame the sinful aspects of a "strong personality" so that we use that same strength with compassion and love, not to dominate but to build up and serve others.

(Photo courtesy of Kristin Smith.)

A Single Woman's Mighty Intervention

This series on preparation for marriage has cast a wide net, hasn't it? We've looked at a number of topics and heard from several married women (with more to come!). When the series started, I quoted Douglas Wilson about how preparation for marriage is nothing more than preparation for Christian maturity. We aren't able to make marriage happen because it involves the will of another. But we can prepare for marriage by pursuing spiritual maturity and the commands about womanhood found in the Bible. While we are single, God endows us with the grace to be fruitful for His glory. While we are married, God also endows us with grace to be fruitful for His glory. Either way, we live not for the glory of the season but for the glory of our Redeemer.

Today we look at a woman who is mentioned by name in the Hebrews "Hall of Faith," that review of Old Testament saints found in Hebrews chapter 11. Rahab's story is found in the book of Joshua, where she is introduced in chapter two as a prostitute or harlot. Though she’s not part of the upper echelon of society, God sovereignly chooses to work through her, to save her, and to include her in the lineage of her Savior. (As an aside, let me note here that this is good news for anyone who struggles with sinful comparison. If you are ashamed of your background as an unbeliever, chances are there’s a mixture of real godly remorse for your sins and a type of pride that doesn’t want to be labeled or looked down on for your past sins. But the Holy Spirit didn’t whitewash the lineage of Jesus when He inspired these accounts to be written. There is a colorful variety of sinners in our Lord’s genealogy—yet more proof that we contribute nothing more to our salvation than the sins from which we need to be saved.)

Rahab’s story begins as Joshua becomes the new Israelite leader. He had just inherited the mantle from Moses to lead the Israelites into the Promised Land and one of his first steps is to send two men as spies to check out Jericho. When these men arrive in the city, they go straight to Rahab’s house. Strangers visiting an inn or a brothel generally would not stand out or be suspicious in a city like Jericho. But word reached the king of Jericho that Israelite spies were in his city, so he demanded Rahab to turn them over. She was already prepared. She had hidden the men. Indeed, she lies to the king’s men and tells them the spies have already left. Lying is not the reason Rahab is commended. It is a reason she needs her Savior for forgiveness of her sins. It is the faith she expresses that is commendable. As she hides the men, she tells them:

“I know that the LORD has given you the land, and that the fear of you has fallen upon us, and that all the inhabitants of the land melt away before you. For we have heard how the LORD dried up the water of the Red Sea before you when you came out of Egypt, and what you did to the two kings of the Amorites who were beyond the Jordan, to Sihon and Og, whom you devoted to destruction. And as soon as we heard it, our hearts melted, and there was no spirit left in any man because of you, for the LORD your God, he is God in the heavens above and on the earth beneath. Now then, please swear to me by the LORD that, as I have dealt kindly with you, you also will deal kindly with my father's house, and give me a sure sign that you will save alive my father and mother, my brothers and sisters, and all who belong to them, and deliver our lives from death.” (Joshua 2:9-13)

Rahab had heard of the wonderful things the Lord had done for His people and she believed the truth of who the Lord is—“for the Lord your God, he is God in the heavens above and on the earth beneath.” Rahab could have believed what she heard about the Lord but taken no action to “put feet on her faith,” so to speak. But she acted upon her faith by sparing the lives of the spies and the lives of her family. She did not ask to be spared all by herself. She pressed the spies to spare the lives of her extended family and their households.

Rahab’s faith must have been convincing to her family, too. For they were all with Rahab in her home, marked by the scarlet cord in the window that the spies told her to hang up, when the Israelites routed the city. I wonder if they went to Rahab’s house every one of the seven days that the Israelites marched around the city. I wonder what relief they felt when they were led out of the city after it had fell. Scripture doesn’t say if her extended family continued to live among the Israelites, but it does say that Rahab did. Later, in Matthew 1, we find out that she married a man named Salmon and became the mother of Boaz.

As the account in Joshua does not mention a husband for Rahab (I find it hard to believe a husband would tolerate having a harlot as a wife!), and as she mentions her father’s house and her siblings, but not her own husband or children, I think it is safe to assume Rahab was a single woman. The extraordinary faith of a single woman was used to spare the lives of many, many people—including the Israelite spies and her family members and their servants. Her intervention was crucial and was ordained by God.

Here's the application for today: Do you think that you don’t have any purpose now as a single woman? Rahab's life challenges that thought, doesn’t she? She provokes us to live our faith in a very bold manner, proclaiming the greatness of God and evangelizing others with the hope of sparing their lives. Though Scripture does mention her husband and son, and includes her in the lineage of Jesus, it's her proactive faith that is commended in Hebrews 11. I'm sure that faith was a tremendous blessing to her husband and we may presume it had a positive effect on the life of Boaz and influenced his noble character, but the Bible focuses on how God used her as a single woman. May that encourage us all to live boldly today for the sake of the Lord's name and renown!

Abigail's Initiative

Fairy tales often portray femininity as a passive concept: Sleeping Beauty is unconscious until kissed; Cinderella is miserable until a fairy godmother appears; Rapunzel is imprisoned with her flowing locks until she is rescued. But that passivity is not what we see of women in the Bible, and Abigail the Carmelitess is one of my favorite examples. We find the account of her wise initiative in 1 Samuel 25.

Abigail is described in verse three as being "intelligent and beautiful." That order is important because it's her intelligence and initiative that are on display in this account. Her beauty is secondary.

Abigail was the wife of a very wealthy man who is called Nabal, which means "fool." Nabal was very rich, owning 3,000 sheep and 1,000 goats. When David and his men were living in the wilderness of Paran after the death of Samuel, they took it upon themselves to protect these herds from attacks by wild animals or raiders. According to the IVP Bible Background Commentary on the Old Testament, sheep shearing was a festival time when a count of the sheep would be taken and rewards would be given to the shepherds. David's message to Nabal is a claim for a portion of that compensation. But Nabal spurns the request and insults David, instead, saying, "Who is this David? Who is this son of Jesse? Many servants are breaking away from their masters these days. Why should I take my bread and water, and the meat I have slaughtered for my shearers, and give it to men coming from who knows where?" This commentary notes that Carmel, Nabal's town, was taken from the Amalekites by Saul, and therefore it's not entirely surprising that a Carmelite resident would be loyal to Saul and question who David was. However, David's fame was widespread so Nabal's unwillingness to do what was requested was no doubt motivated by other reasons, perhaps greed or pride.

Abigail, on the other hand, must have had a reputation for wisdom because one of Nabal's shepherds comes to her and reports all that has happened, as though he expects her intervention. Her husband had listed bread, water, and meat as the rewards for his shearers, so Abigail loads her donkeys with what must have been some of these prepared rewards--200 loaves of bread, two jugs of wine, five prepared sheep, five measures of roasted grain (about a bushel), 100 clusters of raisins, and 200 cakes of figs. Then she rides out to meet David.

As Abigail encounters him, she gets off of her donkey and bows low before David. Her persuasive speech reminds David of God's work in his life, God's standards for shedding blood, and the promises of the Lord for David's future. Her bold appeal calls David to a higher standard--and he hears her out. In fact, he blesses her for it.

"Now since the LORD has kept you, my master, from bloodshed and from avenging yourself with your own hands, as surely as the LORD lives and as you live, may your enemies and all who intend to harm my master be like Nabal. And let this gift, which your servant has brought to my master, be given to the men who follow you. Please forgive your servant's offense, for the LORD will certainly make a lasting dynasty for my master, because he fights the LORD's battles. Let no wrongdoing be found in you as long as you live. Even though someone is pursuing you to take your life, the life of my master will be bound securely in the bundle of the living by the LORD your God. But the lives of your enemies he will hurl away as from the pocket of a sling. When the LORD has done for my master every good thing he promised concerning him and has appointed him leader over Israel, my master will not have on his conscience the staggering burden of needless bloodshed or of having avenged himself. And when the LORD has brought my master success, remember your servant."

David said to Abigail, "Praise be to the LORD, the God of Israel, who has sent you today to meet me. May you be blessed for your good judgment and for keeping me from bloodshed this day and from avenging myself with my own hands. Otherwise, as surely as the LORD, the God of Israel, lives, who has kept me from harming you, if you had not come quickly to meet me, not one male belonging to Nabal would have been left alive by daybreak." (1 Samuel 25:26-34 NIV).

Abigail models for us a pattern of initiative that honors God and blesses others. She didn't appeal to David for some vague sense of personal obligation. She did not trade on her physical charms to distract him. She did not emotionally manipulate him or throw a diva fit herself. What she did was honor him with a symbol of respect (bowing low) and then point him to God's promises. She appeals to him to avoid doing anything to jeopardize his future or throne or, more importantly, violate God's standards. Not only does she show us what wise communication looks like (a topic we'll explore in further posts), she also shows us that godly women are called to know the Lord and His Word, to take action to right wrongs, and to inspire men to be godly themselves. She is direct but humble, clear but gracious, and bold yet feminine.

The immediate result is that David praises the Lord for her and blesses her for her judgment (a word translated as "discernment" in the NAS and "discretion" in the ESV). And the long-term result is that after she is widowed, David marries Abigail. I believe he appreciated what a valuable helpmate she would be.