Radical Womanhood

A Sneak Peek at Modesty

It's spring! (For those of us in the northern hemisphere, I should clarify.) Everything is popping out -- flowers, trees, bushes, and lots and lots of skin. Yes, it's time for the perennial topic of modesty.

If you aren't old enough to remember life before the Internet, you are probably unaware that women used to go to work with a lot more fabric on. Seriously. In fact, in professional settings, no one ever showed their cleavage, their bellies, or their lower-back tattoos. It was common to have office dress codes that specified closed-toe shoes, pantyhose, and actual suits. (For the one or two of you who have to still dress this way--and you know who you are there in DC!--you have my sympathies.) Back then, women wanted to be taken seriously for their aptitude, not their assets. But don't get me wrong: I am not arguing for a return to sweating in pantyhose in muggy July weather. Ugh. 

What I am saying is that we have to realize that fashion has evolved this way because of the "pornification" of our culture in the last 15 years or so. There are specific values being cultivated and advertised through fashion--and that means women in the church are affected, too. We might not consciously know or agree with the "porn positive" ideology that courses through our culture at present. But rest assured, we are no different from the women addressed in New Testament churches who sought attention with their clothing and opulent hair styles. The fashions may be different, but the heart issues are the same. So in humility, each year it's good to evaluate how far we've drifted from biblical standards toward other patterns.

This year, we have the assistance of a chapter titled "God, My Heart, and Modesty" from the forthcoming book, Worldliness: Resisting the Seduction of a Fallen World. In it, C.J. Mahaney says: "I write this chapter as the father of three daughters, now grown. I write as a pastor with a growing concern for the erosion of modesty among Christian women today. I write because God’s glory is at stake in the way women dress. I write about modesty because God has first written about it in his eternal Word."

Check out the first of seven parts on the Sovereign Grace blog.

Lead in Lipstick

Why is it that whenever films or TV shows portray a senile elderly woman, she always has red lipstick smeared oddly around her mouth? Perhaps these directors unconsiously recognize the inherent dangers of lipstick (either in content or application): last month, a U.S. consumer rights group claimed that more than half of the lipsticks it tested contained lead, according to a Reuters report.

Lipsticks tested by a U.S. consumer rights group found that more than half contained lead and some popular brands including Cover Girl, L'Oreal and Christian Dior had more lead than others...

The Campaign for Safe Cosmetics said tests on 33 brand-name red lipsticks by the Bodycote Testing Group in Santa Fe Spring, California, found that 61 percent had detectable lead levels of 0.03 to 0.65 parts per million (ppm).

Lipstick, like candy, is ingested. The Campaign for Safe Cosmetics, a coalition of public health, environmental and women's groups, said the FDA has not set a limit for lead in lipstick.

One-third of the lipsticks tested contained an amount of lead that exceeded the U.S. Food and Drug Administration's 0.1 ppm limit for lead in candy -- a standard established to protect children from ingesting lead, the group said. Thirty-nine percent of the lipsticks tested had no discernible lead, it said.

"It's critical that manufacturers reformulate their product," said Stacy Malkan, a co-founder of the coalition. "It's possible to make lipsticks without lead, and all companies should be doing that."

Lead can cause learning, language and behavioral problems such as reduced school performance and increased aggression. Pregnant women and young children are particularly vulnerable to lead exposure, the group said in its statement. Lead has also been linked to infertility and miscarriage, it said.

But according to The New York Times this week, the negative publicity is not warranted.

A widely forwarded e-mail message and a recent study have revived fears that some brands of red lipstick contain potentially harmful levels of lead, a well-known neurotoxin.

The e-mail claim has been circulating for some time, but it gained traction last month when a consumer advocacy group published a small independent study of 33 red lipsticks from various brands. The group, the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics, said tests showed that one-third of the samples contained lead levels greater than 0.1 parts per million — the federal limit for candy.

The group said it chose that comparison because there is no federal standard for lead in cosmetics. But critics of the study say the comparison is misleading, because unlike candy, lipstick is generally not ingested, and any trace amounts ingested accidentally would be harmless.

Stephanie Kwisnek, a spokeswoman for the Food and Drug Administration, said in an interview that the agency had conducted its own analyses based on past reports and found that such concerns about lipstick were unfounded. She said the agency was currently conducting a review of the latest report.

The list of products that were tested in the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics Study, along with the full report, are available online at www.safecosmetics.org.

Good news just in time for the holiday parties. I, however, am going to avoid the brands that did test positive for higher levels of lead.

Evergreen

I noticed it when I went grocery shopping last week: the women's magazines are once again featuring the "beauty at every age" issue. It's a perennial topic. But apparently only three decades count--20s, 30s, and 40s. Before and after that, forget about it.

You would think that women's magazines, of all publications, would be the ones to resist this kind of limited definition of feminine appeal. If you look closely at the models presented on these covers, it's hard to tell the difference between the decades. But life experience would teach you that it's impossible to maintain this standard in succeeding decades. The implication is that women have no use or beauty in the second half of life.

Here's a different perspective from Psalm 92:12-15 (NIV):

The righteous will flourish like a palm tree,
they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon;

planted in the house of the LORD,
they will flourish in the courts of our God.

They will still bear fruit in old age,
they will stay fresh and green,

proclaiming, "The LORD is upright;
he is my Rock, and there is no wickedness in him."

Modesty's Resurgence

So now it's time for some good news about modesty. Last week, I was talking to an American Muslim friend about this shared concern. For her, the beach is the most awkward place to go--as it is for many of us. She will go wearing khaki pants rolled up to her knee and a T-shirt. It's not a great solution, but she's working it.

So I told her about the "burkini." It's a swimwear solution for Muslim women from Down Under. I spotted it on my pastor's blog last week. She thought the "burkini" was a great idea, especially if it were made more colorful and a bit more feminine.

Fortunately, feminine modesty is a growing topic of interest. Last month, Newsweek published an article about it, stating that "a new 'modesty movement' aims to teach young women they don't have to be bad, or semiclad."

Like the "burkini," the solutions are often bubbling up from entrepreneurial women who are committed to modesty. One resource I've recently checked out is from Christa Taylor, a designer who "resoundingly rejects frumpiness" in favor of modest clothing that is fashionable enough "to satisfy the high standards of both the posh and trendy girl." I've not purchased any clothes from Christa Taylor, but I can say that both the site itself and the clothes it features are attractive.

In fact, as I was looking at the website, my friend, Andrew, a young, single man looked over my shoulder and exclaimed, "Wow, that looks really nice." From someone who works with images, design, and video all day, that was high praise. But when he saw the dresses featured there, he added with true appreciation: "I'd be crazy for a girl wearing a dress like that!" A second guy who walked in at that point also agreed--"Oh, yeah, definitely."

So, ladies, there you have it. A scientific poll of two young, single, godly men who appreciate modest women, attractively dressed. Newsweek has it right--you don't have to be bad or semi-clad to be noticed by the guys.

A Candidate and Her Clothes

When I first read about an inappropriate clothing choice by presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, I was tempted to comment on it. But I held my tongue because I think that it's always better to base observations and commentary on a trend rather than on an isolated incident. But now that her wardrobe is in the political spin cycle, the assumptions and accusations being made are worth examining.

The story started when Robin Givhan, the style guru of The Washington Post, wrote a column last week about how startling it was to see cleavage on Sen. Clinton during a C-SPAN2 hearing. Givhan's acid prose is not something I normally appreciate. But in this case, as she was framing Sen. Clinton's wardrobe choice against her prior sartorial history, I think Givhan hit on something:

It was startling to see that small acknowledgment of sexuality and femininity peeking out of the conservative -- aesthetically speaking -- environment of Congress. After all, it wasn't until the early '90s that women were even allowed to wear pants on the Senate floor. It was even more surprising to note that it was coming from Clinton, someone who has been so publicly ambivalent about style, image and the burdens of both. . .

The cleavage, however, is an exceptional kind of flourish. After all, it's not a matter of what she's wearing but rather what's being revealed. It's tempting to say that the cleavage stirs the same kind of discomfort that might be churned up after spotting Rudy Giuliani with his shirt unbuttoned just a smidge too far. No one wants to see that. But really, it was more like catching a man with his fly unzipped. Just look away! . . .

To display cleavage in a setting that does not involve cocktails and hors d'oeuvres is a provocation. It requires that a woman be utterly at ease in her skin, coolly confident about her appearance, unflinching about her sense of style. Any hint of ambivalence makes everyone uncomfortable. And in matters of style, Clinton is as noncommittal as ever.

Ann Lewis, a senior political adviser to Clinton, immediately kicked up the dust in a fundraising letter by stating: "Frankly, focusing on women's bodies instead of their ideas is insulting. It's insulting to every woman who has ever tried to be taken seriously in a business meeting. It's insulting to our daughters -- and our sons -- who are constantly pressured by the media to grow up too fast."

I totally agree with Lewis. But we women are being disingenuous if we think we can simultaneously display our bodies and then shrilly demand they not be part of the discussion. Givhan had it right when she said that "to display cleavage in a setting that does not involve cocktails and hors d'oeuvres is a provocation." I would, of course, argue for even further modesty, but for the sake of the political discussion in mainstream culture, I'll grant Givhan that fashion point. I would also give Lewis her point that women should be taken seriously in a business meeting. Therefore, women should come dressed for business and not for a party.

The bottom line is this: We've largely lost the sense of dressing for the occasion. In many places, women aren't dressing to be taken seriously at work. A month ago, I was greeted by a medical receptionist wearing a top that plunged well below her bra. It was honestly uncomfortable for me to talk to her--and I felt sorry for any men in the waiting room trying not to be distracted by her. A week later, my doctor did the same thing. She was wearing a black-and-white print halter top with her white doctor's coat, a halter top that generously displayed her cleavage. I can understand if younger, less experienced women need to be coached about what's appropriate for the work environment, but I have to admit I was surprised to see it on a seasoned medical professional.

As for Sen. Clinton, she deserves the benefit of the doubt. She has a long record of dressing conservatively and appropriately. I hope she will continue this trend as she continues her presidential campaign. It's a serious job and our nation deserves serious candidates.

Slave to Food

A few weeks ago, I posted an entry about the importance of understanding nutrition--how cooking is not just a chore, but it is also a critical component of our health. Not long before that, I was talking to a friend of mine about her recovery from an eating disorder. She made several intriguing comments, so I asked her to write down her testimony to encourage other women who struggle in the same way. Michele never does anything halfway, so her testimony ended up to be a well-written essay! Here's how she starts:

If I mention that I’m writing about worship, most of you will not feel threatened. You know that you worship the true and living God. Maybe it’s a particular worship chorus, a passage of Scripture, or the Sunday-scents of your sanctuary that come to mind. Whatever it is, you know exactly when it is that you are a worshipper. Would you laugh at me if I said that I’ve worshipped a bowl of oatmeal? That I’ve worshipped gods of porcelain, fiber, caffeine, and plastic? If I tell you that I’m about to confess my own idolatry—or misplaced worship—will you keep reading?

I’m a recovering anorexic, a recovering bulimic, and a woman whose life has been dominated by food. Writer Anne Lamott describes the spectrum of her lifelong, eating disordered behavior: “It is a long, dull story. I had lots of secrets and worries about me and food and my body. It was very scary and obsessive, the way it must feel for someone who is secretly and entirely illiterate.” That might be the best description I've ever heard of the pervasiveness of the disease, the shame that accompanies every botched attempt at normalcy, the inevitable realization that normalcy cannot coexist with the problem and the furtive attempts to deny that reality. Shame, greed, economy, desire, focus, attention, caretaking, defiance, independence, luxury, guilt, restraint, preparation, self-control, domination, destruction, distraction—eating disordered behavior has manifested or defined all of these things to me.

Proverbs 9:17 says, “Stolen water is sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant." Though, in context the passage talks about adultery, it applies well to the sins of anorexia, bulimia, or overeating. For years and years, I have participated in sinful eating habits that damaged my body, depleted my resources, and alienated all of the important people in my life. I can’t go too far into this discussion without asking the obvious question why. I never started these behaviors because they were convenient; neither could I stop them for that reason. Why did I—and do I—do these things? Because I wanted to—because the bread eaten in secret was pleasant. And my “wants” always reflect my heart.

To read the rest, download Apples to Apples: Reflections on an Eating-Disordered Life.

A Counter-Cultural Beauty

Boundless has published the second part of Michael Lawrence's article, "I'm Just Not that Attracted to Her (Part 2)," which is--once again--a gem of a piece. After presenting an overview of how cultures imprint varying standards of beauty on their members, Michael closes his article with this compelling call to a counter-cultural beauty:

Finally, immerse yourself in a counter-cultural understanding of beauty. I stand by what I said at the beginning: Beauty is culturally determined and we cannot escape our culture. If you are surrounded by people and media that say beauty is merely a matter of body shape and color, then you will find it almost impossible to be attracted to anything else. But if you are in regular conversation with people who think otherwise, if you are listening to messages that say otherwise, if you witness passionate, intimate marriages that prove otherwise, then your definition of beauty and your sense of attraction will be changed by that culture.

Where can you find such a culture? You can find it only in a healthy, biblical, local church.

As Christians, we are citizens of more than one culture. The Bible presents a worldview, including a definition of beauty, that's opposed to the worldview of our culture. But a worldview that is not lived out is just dead theory. The biblical worldview takes on counter-cultural life in the context of the church. In the community of God's people, as we listen to God's word and allow it to transform us, we find the vision of beauty we need to transform our preferences and desires from weak, worldly lusts into strong, godly attraction to true beauty.

What's more, in this kind of culture, women understand what it means to be truly beautiful, and they know how to pursue that beauty. Most of all, they are confident that attaining such beauty is worth it. Not just so the guys will notice them, but because the guys have encouraged them above all to shape the whole of their lives for the loving gaze of God. His eyes never fail to recognize true beauty and his heart never fails to be attracted to it. Men, why would we want to be any different?

What Kind of Beauty Are We Focused On?

It was so good, I had to respond to my computer. "Yes! . . . Excellent! . . . PREACH it! . . . Amen!" Michael Lawrence has written an article that should encourage every single woman and positively challenge every single man. Here's an excerpt from "I'm Just Not Attracted to Her" on Boundless--but the emphasis is mine:

Earlier I said that Jesus' entire ministry could be explained as attraction to beauty. That's because the Bible describes Jesus as a groom who came the first time to win His bride, the Church, and who will come a second time to take her home to be with Him forever (see Mat. 25:1-13, John 3:29-30; Rev. 21-22).

No one in his right mind ever marries a woman he doesn't find beautiful. And it's no different with Jesus. Except for one problem. We aren't attractive. In our sin and rebellion, we are downright ugly. So what's up with Jesus? . . .

Think about what that means. Jesus didn't come to earth looking for a beautiful bride, going back to heaven disappointed because no one lived up to His standards. No, He worked actively creating beauty through His death on the cross and the power of the gospel. He gave His life so that whoever repents of their sin and puts their faith in His finished work on the cross might become part of His dazzlingly beautiful bride! It's a promise He made and it's a promise He will keep.

As Christian men we can't do what Christ did, nor do we need to. But we are called to be like Him. That means we need to stop being beauty critics and get busy creating, honoring, and guarding real beauty in the women around us. How do we do that? We do it by appreciating women who resemble Christ more than a Vogue model. We do it by encouraging modesty rather than sexiness. We do it by extending grace to imperfect bodies and flawed personalities. We do it by rejecting the worldly values of beauty that lead women to starve themselves or spend a small fortune on clothes.

Whether you like it or not, whether you know it or not, you are a creator of beauty in the women around you. It's just a question of what kind. Take a look at the single women in your church or circle of friends. What kind of beauty are they focused on? Is it the beauty of what Peter calls "outward adornment" or is it the beauty of Christ in the gospel (1 Peter 3:3-5)? No doubt women have their own sinful motives in pursuing shallow forms of beauty. But the promise of beauty we make as men is heard loud and clear by our girlfriends and wives, even if we never open our mouths.

What promise of beauty are you making and who will keep it? Too many men are promising, "I'll be attracted to you if you're a size 2," and then waiting for the woman who will work hard to meet the condition. Jesus calls us to make a different kind of promise. "I'm attracted to you because of how much of Christ I already see in you and I promise to work hard to see even more of Christ in you."

Note the paragraph I put in bold. That's a killer question--and one we should put to ourselves. What kind of beauty are we focused on? I appreciate that Michael is asking the gospel-centered questions of the men, but this article provides an opportunity for personal application on our side, too.

Outward Decay, Inward Renewal (Part Two)

(This is the second part of an article about physical beauty adapted from my book for Crosswalk. It picks up where Part One left off. The original chapter in the book starts off with a humorous collection of "beauty mishap" stories--stories that were too long to include in this adapted article. In last night's discipleship group meeting, one of the ladies asked me if all the stories in that chapter were real. Yep, every one of them. And there are lots more that I didn't include, too. When it comes to attempting self-improvement, it pays to have a sense of humor!)

Gilding the Pig

We see this every day in the popular media. Incredibly stunning women are stunning the rest of us with their scandalous behavior and jaw-dropping vulgarity. Sometimes it seems the prettier they are, the trashier they live and speak. We live in a time when the power lust seemingly promises to women is not only tolerated, it is celebrated. As I wrote this, the nation was shocked by the crude and offensive actions of a female star on live television. There’s no need to mention the details because, unfortunately, she probably will be upstaged by someone else in a few months and this particular episode will become a footnote in history.

Why am I sure of this? Because an astute observation in Proverbs notes that this lack of good judgment and modesty is not uncommon to women of any age. Proverbs 11:22 drives home this point with comic hyperbole: “Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman without discretion.”

King Solomon wrote this proverb, and he, with his 700 wives and 300 concubines, would have the demographic research to back up his observation—as well as the hard-learned lessons about the corrupting influence of indulging himself with so many women. “No man ever lived who has had as much experience with women as King Solomon, who ‘loved many strange women,’” writes pastor and author Herbert Lockyer. “Solomon could be expected to say something about the vices and virtues of women, as he does, particularly in the Book of Proverbs. . . . In no other book in the Bible do we find so many references to loose women and grim warnings against any association with them, as in Proverbs.”

What does indiscretion look like? We may compare ourselves with the woman in the latest media scandal and think we’re doing fine. But that’s not the standard for a godly woman. I’ve found invaluable advice in the points that Nancy Leigh DeMoss raises in her "Portrait of a Foolish Woman" (a chapter in Biblical Womanhood in the Home), which is based upon the adulterous woman described in Proverbs 7:

The foolish woman in this passage approaches her prey with a bold greeting. She throws herself on this man—physically and verbally. She evidences the lack of discretion and restraint that is so common between men and women today. Even in church it is not unusual to see women casually, carelessly throw their arms around men. Such behavior may not have immoral intent, but it is foolish. At best, it pulls down appropriate restraints that ought to exist between men and women; at worst, it can lead to grave sins against God. . . .

The foolish woman is indiscreet—she talks freely about intimate subjects that should be reserved for conversation with her husband. One of the most disconcerting aspects of various highly publicized sex scandals in recent years is the open, candid talk about private matters that has been splashed throughout the news media. Explicit sexual language that was once considered inappropriate outside the bedroom has now become part of our everyday vocabulary. . . . We need to teach young women that there are things you don’t talk about in mixed company. Indeed, there are personal matters between husbands and wives that should not be discussed even with other women.

One of my single guy friends once made this comment, and I noted it immediately: “When I see an outwardly attractive woman do or say something that is foolish or worldly, it is like a slap in the face to me. I can’t turn away fast enough. But when a godly woman does something to encourage someone else, I bless God for her and more than once such actions have caused me to consider her in prayer.”

Inward Beauty: Precious to God, Attractive to Others

As attractive as that kind of appeal is to men, it is more important to consider how God views it. 1 Peter 3:3-4 says: “Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.” In this verse, we not only find a kind of imperishable beauty, we also find how God values it—precious.

It may be hard to understand how a quiet and gentle spirit would make a woman beautiful. It sounds so mousy. At least that’s what I thought when I first read that passage as a new Christian. My views had been shaped by the temperamental divas of popular culture—high-maintenance, self-centered, dramatic women who seem to drag men hooked by the nose in their wake. These divas commanded attention—but a quiet and gentle woman? How could she be beautiful?

[Read the rest of this article on Crosswalk.com.]

Outward Decay, Inward Renewal (Part One)

It's good to be home! Thanks to those of you who prayed for our trip and sent notes of encouragement. We definitely were carried by God's grace and the prayers of His people.

I thought it was ironic that as I had to forego many of my normal grooming routines in Bolivia, the following article about beauty ran on Crosswalk.com. It was adapted from a chapter in my book. I trust you will find encouragement--and humor--in it, too.

Each morning, as I asphyxiate myself with my recommended daily allowance of hair spray, I am reminded of Sisyphus. This mythical Greek figure was condemned to exist in the realm of the dead, with the eternal, futile task of rolling a stone up a steep hill, which only tumbles back down when he reaches the top.

Every morning, Sisyphus awaits me in the mirror. Each day, I labor to push that stone uphill to a good hair day, only to wake up in the morning with the stone at the bottom of the hill—and with bed head. No matter how much effort I put into my latest beauty regimen, it’s always a race against decay.

According to Greek mythology, Sisyphus was said to be the founder of Corinth. I find amusing irony in that idea, because it was to the fleshly, contentious Corinthians that the apostle Paul writes with these words familiar to every aging Christian: “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18, NIV).

As we accumulate more birthdays, each of us sees the truth of Paul’s words. Outwardly we are wasting away. A few gray hairs here, a few laugh lines there, an upper arm jiggling as we applaud, an aching back just from sleeping—these are the indignities of aging. And it’s only going to get more undignified. My mother says that she, too, is startled to see the old lady in the mirror, and to observe her grandmother’s hands at the end of her own sleeves.

If you are young and still unlined, you may find this perspective alarming—and not as darkly humorous as the rest of us. If you are not prepared for the inevitability of aging, the day you discover that first gray hair or laugh line can be traumatic. I well remember once speaking with a single woman 10 years younger than I am who was reduced to tears after encountering her first batch of gray hairs. So I hope you will continue reading—as you will one day be there, and faster than you think! I trust the truths in this article will enable you to embrace that day, and not mourn it.

One more consideration: I’ve recently thought that it’s God’s mercy that we fall apart as we get older. How humbling it is to end one’s creaturely life dependent on others, unable to function as we once did, no longer as attractive as we were at our prime. It drives home the point that there is only One whose glory is unalterable. If that lesson didn’t sink in as young adults, it will certainly sink in later. We might rail against it, we might work hard to hide the effects, but we won’t change the immutable fact that “all flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls, but the word of the Lord remains forever” (1 Peter 1:24-25).

Beauty in the Balance

Does this mean I need to put down my hair spray can and back away from the mirror? Not necessarily. God made women to be beautiful to men. There’s nothing inherently wrong with seeking to be attractively feminine. The Bible certainly doesn’t back away from celebrating feminine beauty—one quick read through Song of Solomon confirms this statement. “How beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights!” (Song of Solomon 7:6). As Carolyn Mahaney writes, women should want to be attractive, especially to their husbands: “We need to discover what makes us attractive to our husbands. What clothing, hairstyles, or makeup do they find most appealing? And we should strive to care for our appearance—not only when we go out, but also at home where only our husbands see us.” But as single women, we need to be mindful of the heart issues surrounding this topic—I think we can be tempted to swing from one extreme to the other when considering physical beauty. We either become a slave to the mirror or else we disdain it. As in most things, wisdom is found in the balance.

[Read the rest of this article on Crosswalk.com].