Radical Womanhood

Contentment: Believe the Best About ... God

Greetings from Addis Ababa, Ethiopia! We arrived here late Friday night and are still sorting through some travel glitches. But we enjoyed a great Sunday with the people of Covenant Life Church of Addis Ababa. I hope to have photos and travel commentary posted in the next few days. In the meantime, here's something about contentment that I read before I left. I wrote this post in advance--and my ruminations about the possible application while traveling have all proven to be true! So glad to be reminded once again...

I've just finished reading Lou Priolo's book, Pleasing People: How Not to Be An Approval Junkie. I thought it would be quite similar to another favorite book of mine on the same topic, Ed Welch's When People Are Big and God Is Small--but it wasn't. It was similar in the sense of being God-centered and Bible-based, and obviously several of the counseling principles were the same. But there was enough of a difference in voice and illustration to make this a fresh read on a perennial topic. In the weeks that I've been slowly digesting it in my quiet times, I've found the Holy Spirit has brought it back to mind on several occasions--helping me to see where I was guilty of some of the points in the book.

I especially appreciated one point toward the end of the book about contentment. Lou succinctly makes his point in one sentence, and then unpacks it: "Contentment involves putting the best possible interpretation on God's dealings with you."

First Corinthians 13:7 says that love "believes all things.' That means that we are to believe the best about others. In other words, if there are ten possible interpretations or explanations for why someone took a particular course of action, nine of them being evil and only of them being good, the loving person will, in the absence of contradictory evidence, choose to reject the bad and believe the good. Now, if we are commanded to view other sinners with this kind of optimism, how much more should we interpret God's dealings with us in the best possible light? How much more should we forsake the harsh interpretations of His providence in our lives and accept the good ones?

I have a feeling I will need to remember this while in the midst of traveling glitches and other issues that can tempt a stream of complaints. I trust this gives you a different perspective on your circumstances today, as well. Praise be to God who gives us far better than we deserve!

The Rules for Self-Discovery

For Christmas, one of my friends gave me the leather-bound edition of A.W. Tozer's devotional, The Pursuit of God, The Pursuit of Man. I have really enjoyed it so far. Tozer's vocabulary is denser and more varied than the writers of today, so this devotional has provided much to ponder each day.

One thing I read at the start of the year was Tozer's list titled "Rules for Self-Discovery." Unlike the self-esteem movement of this generation, Tozer was concerned not that we esteem ourselves more highly, but that we esteem God more highly. Where God stands in our affections can be discovered through the answers to this list below. If we want to know better our own weaknesses and affections for this passing world, the answers to these questions will provide illumination.

Rules for Self-Discovery

1. What we want most

2. What we think about most

3. How we use our money

4. What we do with our leisure time

5. The company we enjoy

6. Who and what we admire

7. What we laugh at

If we're honest when we answer, this list can really help us see the hidden motivations of our hearts and the things we value most. It could also be a prayer guide, helping us to see what areas in our lives need the most prayer for godly change. I was struck in particular by the last rule; it really addresses the crass age in which we all live.

God's Grace to Grumblers

Last month, I mentioned Iain Duguid's commentary on Esther and Ruth. It was one of the best books I read in 2007. There are so many wonderfully wise nuggets in it. One insight I particularly enjoyed was about Naomi. I often use Naomi's life as an illustration when I speak, encouraging women not to survey their circumstances and conclude that what they can perceive is all the God is doing. But I've never noted this particular aspect of God's mercy being revealed even in the new name that Naomi gave herself ("Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara") when she returned home to Bethlehem:

Like Naomi, we may be so busy complaining about our emptiness that we miss the fact that God has emptied our hands only in order to fill them with something so much better. Without Naomi's emptiness, she would never have left Moab behind and returned to the land of promise. Had she stayed contentedly "full" (as she thought) in Moab, Naomi would have missed out on the far greater blessing of a prime place in the history of redemption. She was so caught up in what she had lost, however, that she could not yet see the far greater treasure she had been given in Ruth, a token of God's grace to her. . . .

Even calling herself Mara should have caused Naomi to ponder more deeply the events that took place in that wilderness location, where in spite of his people's grumbling, God nonetheless turned the bitter water into sweet, and thereby demonstrated that he was "the Lord, your healer" (Ex. 15:26). Was that deliverance from their pain a reward for their goodness? Certainly not! It was a landmark measure of God's unfailing goodness and mercy upon an undeserving, rebellious, and grumbling people. Marah was not just the definitive place of grumbling bitterness, it was also the place where God's grace to grumblers was definitively displayed.

For some of you, the turning of the year may have been bittersweet. Perhaps you were able to close the door on a year dotted with loss and difficulty, but you look into the blank canvas of a new year with doubt and maybe even distrust. Like Naomi, you don't want people to call you pleasant any longer. But before you assign yourself the name of bitter, I hope you will take time to ponder God's quiet providence to both the wandering and grumbling Israelites and the despairing widow Naomi. God's grace to grumblers is evident throughout Scripture and even throughout our own personal experiences.

So it is with more confidence in the Father of mercies than in our present circumstances that I wish you the happiest of new years.

Imperishable Bodies

Life is hard when just sleeping can do damage to your body. On Sunday, I woke up with some sort of pinched nerve in my right hand. My hand tingled like it had fallen asleep and my thumb and ring finger kept twitching. It was distracting because I couldn't write very well or hold onto things. This went on through most of the day, which was quite odd. Then as suddenly as it came on, it dissipated.

I thought to myself, well, this is just what happens as time passes. Your body begins to betray you in small, odd ways. It was also the perfect set-up for the sermon from guest speaker and author Jerry Bridges. He spoke from 1 Corinthians 15:35-58, about how our mortal bodies are perishable, but for those who have been granted everlasting life through faith in Christ, one day we will receive imperishable, glorified bodies. As Jerry pointed out, even better than the promise of an imperishable body is the fact that we will leave behind our flesh--the Bible's word for the temptations of our sinful nature.

The glorious promises of this passage are the focus of my Thanksgiving gratitude this year--"just as we have borne the image of the man of dust, we shall also bear the image of the man of heaven." Hallelujah! I highly recommend this message to you, as well. May it bless and encourage you as much as it has done for me.

But someone will ask, "How are the dead raised? With what kind of body do they come?" You foolish person! What you sow does not come to life unless it dies. And what you sow is not the body that is to be, but a bare kernel, perhaps of wheat or of some other grain. But God gives it a body as he has chosen, and to each kind of seed its own body. For not all flesh is the same, but there is one kind for humans, another for animals, another for birds, and another for fish. There are heavenly bodies and earthly bodies, but the glory of the heavenly is of one kind, and the glory of the earthly is of another. There is one glory of the sun, and another glory of the moon, and another glory of the stars; for star differs from star in glory. So is it with the resurrection of the dead. What is sown is perishable; what is raised is imperishable. It is sown in dishonor; it is raised in glory. It is sown in weakness; it is raised in power. It is sown a natural body; it is raised a spiritual body. If there is a natural body, there is also a spiritual body. Thus it is written, "The first man Adam became a living being"; the last Adam became a life-giving spirit. But it is not the spiritual that is first but the natural, and then the spiritual. The first man was from the earth, a man of dust; the second man is from heaven. As was the man of dust, so also are those who are of the dust, and as is the man of heaven, so also are those who are of heaven. Just as we have borne the image of the man of dust, we shall also bear the image of the man of heaven. (1 Corinthians 15:35-49 ESV)

Happy Thanksgiving!

(P.S. After I wrote this, I realized my hand was restored after receiving prayer Sunday morning for ongoing wisdom for writing my book. We were praying for another matter, but the Holy Spirit was gracious to heal my hand, too! Another reason to give thanks.)

(Stock photo courtesy of Julia Freeman-Woolpert.)

Poor Policies and Kind Responses

Awhile ago, I was with some friends and we were discussing how often customers will vent on "frontliners"--the cashiers, wait staff, and retail clerks who are the human faces of larger organizations. If management has not run the company well, or if they have chosen and poor and inflexible policies, these frontliners bear the wrath of their customers--usually for reasons beyond their control.

My friends and I were musing about how Christians can help "breathe grace" into these stressful situations. Instead of reacting like everyone else, we can offer patience and kindness in the midst of poor service, bad policies, and mishaps. How wonderful and right that felt to discuss as I sat there in comfort and quiet with friends I respect and appreciate.

Not even two hours later, I fell short. As we left the public parking garage after lunch, I found out that it cost $16 to park for one hour and four minutes, thanks to a very strict pricing policy. At first I questioned the cost, and when I received no relief, I immediately grumbled, "That's insane! You all really know how to rip off the public."

Instantly, I was convicted. I had just done the very same thing we had roundly condemned earlier that day! How easy it is to grumble and complain.

So I turned to the parking booth attendant and apologized. "Sir, I'm very sorry. I know you didn't set this policy and it's your job to enforce it without exception. Please forgive me for my complaints." He accepted my apology without much reaction, but I hope it managed to encourage him somehow.

I was thinking of this today as I pondered the holiday shopping season that is looming ahead of us. There will be a lot of temporary "frontliners" who have taken part-time jobs for the season and may have only received part of the training. Confusion is guaranteed. Bad attitudes are highly likely. And if you expand this concept to include the frontliners of the airline industry, there is even a greater temptation to vent and abuse. (Travelers beware, the airline companies are predicting travel snarls for Thanksgiving!)

Christmas is not about consumption. It is about the incarnation of mercy. May those of us who know the truth of Christmas represent it to others this year--and may we prepare our hearts ahead of time for the inevitable frustrations that tempt us all.

Lonely Together

Writing a book means enforced solitude. I spent three whole days alone at home this weekend, laptop and tissue box nearby, thanks to a cold. But I actually like being at home for a stretch like that. I enjoy puttering around, cleaning up, cooking, getting organized. Or maybe it's just that I like feeling productive about something until writer's block passes!

Anyway, I learned the last time I wrote a book that working two jobs like this can skew my emotional perspective. When you have to pull the nights-and-weekend routine in order to keep your day job and pay the bills, you simply must hunker down until the deadline. That's just how it is. Few people want to come over and hang out just to watch me type and not talk! It's a season but I already know God will be faithful to sustain me.

That's why I picked up a stray copy of the current Discipleship Journal issue about loneliness. The articles included a number of sidebar pieces titled, "What Loneliness Looks Like for Me." What surprised me was reading how similarly loneliness was portrayed even by those with spouses, children, and active social lives. So often we are lonely in crowds.

The words of a young widow were very familiar to me:

"I feel like my social life is relegated to lunch. That's what many women do, they lunch. But in the evenings my friends are with their husbands or out with other couples. I feel lonely when I hear that a group of my friends--all couples--went to a promising restaurant that just opened. Or they went to an outdoor concert , and I wasn't invited. I can't tell you how many sets of concert tickets I've bought, thinking that by the time the event came I'd find someone to go with. I've given them all away."

This seems to a universal experience for single adults. After the coupling begins, single friends get moved on the social calendar to weekday events, usually lunch or coffee meetings. The funny thing is that I've known friends who were well aware of this system, railed against it as singles, and fell into it after marriage, anyway. When we were all single, we all hung out together. But not so much now.

Yet I don't blame them. Since this is a predictable pattern, there must be a reason for it. I suspect if I were married, I'd probably be guilty of the same thing. It takes a lot more time for two people to live as one flesh than two people to live as passing ships in a singles household. When you're married, you have to sort through past events, plan for future events, coordinate current events, reconcile offenses, and make memories together. Of course, single adults need to be doing the same thing, but not at the same intensity or frequency. So if someone is a priority in your life, you need to reserve priority time for them. It's that simple.

The funny thing is that we singles can watch couples together and envy their cozy foursome, not realizing that loneliness lurks therein, as well. Here's what one married woman described in this magazine:

Tonight my husband and I had dinner with a couple we met through our church. The husband seemed to know what his wife was going to order, listened with rapt attention when she spoke, and beamed as he proudly toasted her most recent accomplishment. Observing them, I again saw my life as it is: I live alongside a man who seems unable to meet my needs or really see me, even though I know he loves me. When I compare us to other couples or when someone recognizes something in me that my husband has missed, I am catapulted into loneliness. Those moments make me look unwillingly into my future--a future without feeling connected to or known by the one person I am supposed to be the most intimate with.

I appreciated the candor of these pieces, even as I detected some of the underlying causes for loneliness evident in these pieces: among them, comparison, social inertia, and projecting into the future (impossible for finite creatures to do accurately, anyway). These habits never bear fruit. They just stir up sin. And sin separates. But sometimes there's an underlying assumption that God couldn't possibly have anything good or redemptive for us in these moments. What if God designed loneliness to remind us that we are not home here? What if He allows social isolation so that we turn to Him for relief? And what if He commands loneliness so that from out of it, new empathy for others overflows? Would we stop to think about other people if our social calendars were already jammed?

I know someone who has endured far more loneliness than I ever will--and He did it to rescue me. Jesus was forsaken by friends and disciples alike, separated from the trinitarian community He had known since eternity past, and in physical misery and torturous pain when He cried out from the cross, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" His loneliness I will never know, but His joy I do know in part now and will know even more in the new heavens and new earth. Therefore, if loneliness keeps me from seeking my full satisfacton and my treasure here, it becomes a precious burden.

(Photo by Roma Flowers.)

Musings on Praise and Gratitude

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth. (Ephesians 1:3-10)

Every. Spiritual. Blessing. I emphasize that thought with odd punctuation because it's an arresting idea. We are blessed in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places--in Christ we have redemption, forgiveness, the riches of his grace, and the knowledge of his will and purpose. How that should inspire wonder and worship! As John Stott writes in his Ephesians Bible study guide: "At this point it may be wise to pause a moment and consider how much all of us need to develop Paul's broad perspective. Paul was a prisoner in Rome. Not indeed in a cell or dungeon, but still under house arrest and handcuffed to a Roman soldier. Though his wrist was chained and his body was confined, his heart and mind inhabited eternity."

Praise and gratitude can't help but overflow from the life of the one whose heart and mind inhabits eternity!

Recently my sister, Beth, sent me an email describing how she was rebuked by her three-year-old son's attitude of gratitude. My nephew, Matthew, does not yet know the Lord (though I have been praying from his birth that he would know the voice of the Lord at a young age). However, the choice he made to be grateful was astonishingly mature:

I was driving with Matthew and he noticed that the sidewalks were a bit wet. He asked if it had rained last night. I snapped back, "Yes, but it ONLY rained a tiny bit." I wanted more rain because everything is dying that I planted!

He said, "WOW, that is so great that it rained some last night, even if it was a little bit. Now at least all of the trees and all of the plants got something to drink to make them big and strong and healthy. Look at how BEAUTIFUL they all are now! The trees look so pretty with all of their BEAUTIFUL colors! It makes ME so happy to see THEM be so happy. It's going to be a GREAT day today, isn't it, Mommy? Look, the sun is up and shining now! I love you so much Mommy!"

Who can stay in a funk after hearing how appreciative a three-year-old is over a few drops of rain?

The first chapter in Ephesians mentions "the praise of his glory" or "to the praise of his glorious grace" three times. If a little boy's appreciation of rain could inspire his mother to be grateful for the same thing, how much more should our appreciation for the multitude of spiritual blessings we've received in Christ inspire gratitude in others, all resounding to the praise of his glory!

With Those Who Rejoice

Mixed in with the bills and advertising mailers, there it is: another wedding invitation. Addressed to you alone, no "and guest" invited.

Waiting in the e-mail inbox is another happy announcement, along with the photos of the sparkly ring: Another friend is happily engaged.

At the mall, you spot a former classmate — and her conspicuous baby bump. Another baby shower invitation lurks in your future.

You? You still wait. And wait.

At first, waiting is hard. Hope lurks around the corner of every new situation. But experience eventually confers a steely resignation. It doesn't even feel good to cry anymore. Self-pity has lost its allure.

Then, the quiet voice of the Holy Spirit breaks into your grey fog of dashed hopes. In a heart filled with unexpectant apathy, these gentle words bubble up in the first moments of waking: "Rejoice with those who rejoice."

Impossible, you think drowsily. I need to withdraw from those happy, shiny people. That's how I manage it, this guarding my heart. Opening your eyes, anger surges over the first light of the day. God, you gave them what I want. But you haven't given it to me. And you want me to rejoice about it?! I don't think that's even possible.

In View of God's Mercy

Ah, but it is possible, you know. It's not only possible, it's a biblical command. A command, however, that is wrapped in grace and sprinkled with hope. Far from a "grit your teeth and just do it" order from an unsympathetic superior, this directive springs from mercy.

"Rejoice with those who rejoice" is found in Romans chapter 12. This chapter begins with a "therefore," which draws our gaze to the preceding paragraph of praise and worship (doxology):

Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor? Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid? For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen. (Romans 11:33-36, ESV)

All things are from him and through him and to him. Therefore? Yes, therefore look at life through the widescreen view of his mercy.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God — this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is — his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:1-3, NIV)

At first glance, this passage seems addressed primarily to men because of the limitations of English translation — "brothers." But the Greek word there refers to siblings in a family. So, sisters, let's apply this to ourselves. In view of God's mercy, when the grumbling starts in the waking moments of the day, one way to rejoice with those who rejoice is not to gut it out, but to change your focus. Renew your mind by thinking on what's right and true about God — most specifically, the jaw-dropping mercy you've already received as a forgiven and adopted daughter.

Rejoicing begins when we look at our situation in view of God's mercy and with worship for his manifold perfections. Instead of holy wrath for our sins and disobedience, we've received mercy for our pride and rebellion. A mind conformed to this world always starts with a reference point of Me, Myself, and I. But a mind transformed is one whose reference point is the character of God.

Unfortunately, we tend to wander from this truth. We're like a toddler with her eyes fixed on a new toy or ice-cream treat. God keeps telling us to look him in the eyes and pay attention to what he is telling us, but we're tugging at his hand and focused elsewhere. We might cut our eyes back at him for a second, as if to say, "Yeah, yeah, I hear you, but did you see this thing?" It's just as hard to get our eyes on the truth of the gospel as it is to arrest the attention of a fixated and fidgety toddler.

This is the first step in rejoicing with those who rejoice: To sit back for a moment to consider our current situation "in view of God's mercy."

[Read the rest of "With Those Who Rejoice" on Boundless.org.]

Hearing God's Voice, Take Two

These days, it is common for news articles to talk about the dangers of being online. But there is also a blessing to be found in the blogosphere--that of accountability for one's words. My policy on my blog (see my sidebar) is that I'm unable to moderate and publish comments because of the limitations of my schedule. But I do read every comment that comes in. This feedback is valuable, especially when I've been unclear or even incorrect.

Recently, I received a helpful comment from a man named Tim, who respectfully questioned the way I interpreted a passage in John 10 for an article titled, "When God Speaks About Relationships." Tim wrote:

I do not agree with the inferences you draw from Jesus' words in John 10. That's primarily because of what's going on in John 10--the topic under consideration. Jesus wasn't discussing matters of how Christians live their lives, or how we receive guidance from God. He was discussing matters of salvation, and His identity as the good shepherd who will lay down His life, and how some people recognize Him for who He is and respond by following Him but some people don't. It's iffy to try to apply the phrase "hear my voice" in this passage to another topic that doesn't show up in the context.

So I forwarded his remarks to my pastor, Isaac Hydoski, and asked Isaac for his review in how I handled the Word and how I was trying to address my main point about processing your impressions of God's leading. Isaac provided this helpful clarification:

I think we can draw a conclusion from this text that God does indeed speak to us today but I don't think I would have used this text as a primary means to do that. What seems to be the clear context of this verse is our relationship with God through Christ and how Jesus functions at the center of that relationship. But there is a "experiential" aspect to this in that Jesus is implying in that the sheep "know" and "hear" his voice, and appropriately respond to his voice. So, I believe we can infer from this verse how we hear from God.

D.A. Carson says about this verse: "The theme of mutual knowledge of the shepherd and the sheep, is also of great importance. This mutual recognition, or better mutual knowledge, is clearly experiential, and is analagous of the mutual knowledge of the Father and the Son."

I likely would have used verses such as Hebrews 1:1-2 to show us that the normative way in which God speaks to us today is through the revealed Word of God, His Son. God speaking through His Word is the norm, and should function in such a way for us as we seek counsel from God and others. That said, I believe it would be unwise to conclude that God cannot speak through "impressions," "a sense" or even, should He choose to do so, an audible voice as we commune with Him. God spoke audibly many times during Jesus’ ministry (baptism, transfiguration, etc.), spoke audibly to Paul on the road to Damascus, etc. These impressions simply need to be tested by the wisdom and authority of Scripture and the fellowship of God’s people. I would also add that how the Spirit brings conviction to us through the Word is an example of God speaking today. I use the phrase that I "heard his voice" in moments like that where Scripture illumines my thoughts and intentions of my heart and moves me towards repentance.

I am grateful for the opportunity to correct my original column. Given the volume of output on this blog, I don't expect to be error-free. My main point in the column remains--that our impressions of God's leading and speaking need to be evaluated by Scripture and by the input and counsel of God's people. But I regret leaning on the wrong text to support my point. Thanks to the fellowship of the blogosphere, I have this opportunity to amplify this column and bring the better teaching from my pastor to each of you.

Thanks again to Tim for taking the time to review my column and send in helpful feedback. For everyone else, please do send in your comments. I hope this encourages you that I actually read them!

Growing Old for the Glory of God

This weekend, I'm headed to Kingsway Community Church in Richmond, VA, for another women's ministry event. But it's more like a homecoming for me, as this was the church I grew up in, so to speak. (At least as much as an adult convert can grow up in a church!) But now when I go back, I see the children that I once babysat becoming young adults and it reinforces once again how fleeting our lives are.

That's why I downloaded the messages from Stand as soon as I read they were available (you can also download the videos or text summaries). These are the conference messages from this year's Desiring God National Conference. The full conference title is Stand: A Call for the Endurance of the Saints. It featured the wisdom of several of God's people who have labored for decades to advance the gospel--Jerry Bridges, Helen Roseveare, John MacArthur, John Piper, and Randy Alcorn, whom I suspect is the youngest of the lot. (For you bright young things about to click away to another blog, you should know that Randy's message was "Today's Decisions Determine Who You'll Be Tomorrow." It's never too early to prepare for finishing well in the Lord's eyes!)

For the rest of us, John Piper has a question for the generation that will probably redefine the "golden years" as much as it did the youth culture forty years ago. In his message, "Getting Old for the Glory of God," John Piper makes this observation about the American concept of retirement:

I am 61 years old—just about the oldest baby boomer (January 11, 1946). Behind me come 78 million boomers, ages 43 to 61. Over 10,000 turn 60 every day. If you read the research, we are a self-centered generation....

What will it mean to get old to the glory of God as a baby boomer in America? It will mean a radical break with the mindset of our unbelieving peers. Especially a break with the typical dream of retirement. Ralph Winter is the founder of the U. S. Center for World Missions and is in his early eighties, traveling, speaking, and writing for the cause of Christ in world missions. He wrote an article titled “The Retirement Booby Trap” almost 25 years ago when he was about 60. In it he said: "Most men don’t die of old age, they die of retirement. I read somewhere that half the men retiring in the state of New York die within two years. Save your life and you’ll lose it."

This video, "An Urgent Call to Stand," presents a compelling call to finish well (with thanks to the DG video team for a well-done piece).