Radical Womanhood

On Being 29, a Crush Catalyst, and Encouraging Pastors to Serve Singles

Just over a year ago, Mark Dever interviewed me in front of many 9Marks staff and Capitol Hill Baptist Church members. I've often joked that Capitol Hill Baptist is my other church, so I felt right at home. We talked at length on a variety of topics. While we had our serious moments, we also laughed a lot. Especially about my favorite joke: being 29. Therefore, Tony Reinke's summary today on Justin Taylor's blog made me laugh so hard I got hiccups.  

In a new 9Marks interview Mark Dever interviews Carolyn McCulley, the 29-year-old author of Radical Womanhood: Feminine Faith in a Feminist World (Moody 2008). Carolyn is also a conference speaker, blogger, and the founder of a social issues documentary company, Citygate Films.

The interview covers Carolyn’s personal background, her early disdain for the church, her conversion, her love of the gospel and the church, her background in journalism, her thoughts on racial reconciliation and social justice, and her work at Sovereign Grace Ministries. They also discuss book writing, relationships, singleness, how pastors can help serve single women in their churches, gender roles and distinctions in the church, feminism, human trafficking, persecution in Pakistan, gender roles in the home, family productivity, recommended authors, blogging, and her book projects (in that order).

If you really have nothing better to do, you can listen to or download the 66-minute interview on the 9Marks site. 

Snowpocalypse or Snowmaggedon?

If there's one thing we do well in the D.C. area, it's get all worked up about snow. I read that Chicago-based President Obama was incredulous when he encountered the first snowfall here and the schools closed right away. I'm sure many of my northern readers will laugh, too, but I haven't been able to do much of anything else except prepare for ... SNOWPOCALYPSE! Run for the hills! It's SNOWMAGGEDON!

The first flakes are hitting the ground now, but if the weather forecasters are right, we're in for an historic storm. Somewhere between 20-28 inches is what they are calling for now. But it's not the snowfall itself that has me preparing. It's the blizzard winds we're expecting tonight. In my neighborhood, we lose the power if someone sneezes. So I'm fully expecting that though the snow itself may not be dramatic, the power loss will be rather inconvenient. I'm charging everything I have and am trying to crank out as much work as possible ahead of time.

I have bought the usual supplies: ice melt, candles, batteries, toilet-paper (why? I don't know, it's a reflex), snack foods, etc. I am well stocked with DVDs. I even dug out the solar-powered emergency radio my folks gave me a few years ago, just so I can be amused by the snow hype when we lose power. 

And all this for a 24-hour snowstorm. Which will melt in God's gracious design. So while we have a good laugh at ourselves around here, I am going to give the rest of you another reason to laugh: Check out last week's Friday Funnies from the Girl Talk blog. It's amusing what children "learn" from us--especially on how their baby siblings arrive! 

But if you have any survivalist tips, make sure to pass them along! ;)

The Nothing Box

By the time you read this, we will -- Lord willing -- be flying on our way to Africa to begin filming for A Note of Hope. I plan to post updates along the way, but that's all dependent upon Internet access and time. So until we are able to do our first update, here's a bit of humor to make you laugh. It's about the difference between between men's brains and women's brains. Specifically the reason why men can be thinking about ... nothing. Enjoy!

(Please note that comments may lag or not be published at all due to my travel schedule.)

Crush Catalyst

Will and Anna are my friends. Those are not their real names because of client confidentiality — but close enough. They've been married four years now and have two children. As a former client, Will owes me his firstborn, but I have not, to date, swooped in to collect.

My "client consultations" (always, I should note, stated with air quotes) started in a roundabout way. Five years ago, I published a book for single women and started on the speaking circuit. Soon I added a blog for women. It didn't take long before I realized that I could definitely do a lot more for single women if I also found a way to encourage single men to pursue them. I didn't have to think about this very long, however — eventually a number of the younger single men I knew started to come to me for feminine advice. They nicknamed themselves the "clients" and my adjunct ministry was off and running.

(Full disclosure: This was not a formal, teaching ministry. This was a lend-me-your-sympathetic-ear-and-tell-me-what-she-means ministry. In other words, I became a walking advice columnist and cheerleader for my brothers in Christ.)

My advice to clients consisted of three key pieces of counsel:

1. Men trust God by risking rejection while women trust God by waiting on men
2. Don't allow the passivity of our culture to shape your masculinity
3. Initiate communication and clarify your intentions early on

But why just hand out advice when you can also be a Crush Catalyst? That's my professional, po-mo title for the old-school term, "matchmaker." See, in this litigious world, I can't guarantee any outcomes. Who knows from whence comes the spark for a match? Ah, but I definitely can create context where I might become a catalyst for change.

This brings me back to Will. He had a bad crush on Anna. Every time she laughed, he melted. He loved her laugh. But he had a hard time figuring out how to get to know her better. So I, the Crush Catalyst, volunteered to throw a birthday dinner party for him — and invite her, of course.

The fact that I didn't know Anna very well didn't matter. I rounded up her girlfriends and some other randomly connected people and shoehorned 17 people in my house for dinner. I asked one of the guys to lead a time of honoring Will, during which we went around the table and said complimentary things about Will. (Building up the rep is a crucial part of the Crush Catalyst's job.)

When Anna's turn came, Will began to breathe very loudly. I thought no one else noticed how his heart raced when Anna spoke to him, but two of our mutual friends cornered me in the kitchen afterward and demanded to know if this was a set-up dinner party.

"Why would you ever think that?" I asked, all innocence.

"For one, it's one of the most random collections of people I've ever seen at a dinner party," said one of my friends with a knowing laugh. "Plus I couldn't help but notice how Will reacted when Anna was speaking."

Busted! But for a good cause. I went to their wedding nine months later.

These days, I don't have many clients left. Nearly all are married, and the remaining few are in serious relationships. So now I must franchise.

I've made it my personal mission to go around encouraging married people to introduce their single friends to each other. (Singles can do this, too — obviously — but I've noticed a far greater success rate when the married man has a timely suggestion for the single man!) My motto is: "It's only an introduction, people!"

I'm being serious here. If the church would help singles meet and marry, we wouldn't have big business rushing in to profit off of our desire to meet one another.

So, here's my advice to future Crush Catalysts.

(Read the rest of "Crush Catalyst" and get tips for fellow singletons on Boundless.org. Married? This is DEFINITELY an article for you. Get on over there to Boundless to find out how you can help...)

Make It Memorable

I trust your Easter was a memorable one, full of the joy of our Lord. I had a wonderful time with friends and family, and had the additional blessing of celebrating the anniversary of my Christian conversion. 

After really full weekends, sometimes we just need a good laugh. For that reason, I'm pointing you to an item that the Girltalkers recently ran. I really cracked up at the last line -- it's so true!!

On Massage in Church

A few years ago, I was in the U.K. and a pastor there was explaining some of the cultural differences between British and American Christianity. The "church massage" was a key point. When his team of pastors first attended an American pastors conference and encountered the numerous couples stroking and patting each other during sermons, they were shocked. It read as much more than affection in their eyes and culture. Some were so distracted by this behavior that they had to leave the room.

I'm not British but I have to agree. I don't view it as a precursor to anything (as they did), but I do find it highly distracting. Especially in winter when scalp massages send flakes a-flying. Blech. That's why I am a supporter of the new movement, PAMIC. And I'm rallying the troops here after encountering this witty take on People Against Massage in Church on Prodigal Jon's blog, Stuff Christians Like:

I admit, touch is not one of my "love languages." Few things wake me up as fast as having my wife's elbows and knees jabbing me in the middle of the night. Or what other people would call "snuggling."

I therefore always thought I was the only one that didn't like the "during church massage." But on my blog, when I briefly mentioned a lady I've seen at church that rubs her husband's neck during service, a number of people commented. Suddenly, I was awash with an ocean of hope. Although I have mentioned this issue before, this time I was filled with the sense that I am not alone. I am not that weird. Perhaps, I thought to myself, I can join an underground resistance dedicated to the elimination of the "during church massage."

And the more I thought about that idea, the more I realized that every underground cause needs a manifesto. Some brief document that lays out our thoughts about the terror we so valiantly struggle against. I googled the name of the organization I wanted to join and didn't get any good results. So I knew it had to be me. I had to make the first move in this battle. And thus this essay was born.

The People Against Massages In Church (PAMIC) Manifesto

1. The difference between a pat and a massage.
We recognize and respect the need to pat someone on the back. Sometimes, it's good to say "Hi" or "Good job" or "Your chair is currently resting on my big toe" with a small tap on the back. We support that. But when you pat more than four times and then linger, you have now crossed into massage territory my friend. And you're about to find yourself on the other end of a "PAMIC Attack."

2. Circles are great for cheerios, not church.
We recognize and respect the need to lay a hand on someone as you say hello or want to show your spouse support during a prayer. But when you start rubbing in a circle, a square or any other geometrical shape, you are now giving a massage. That's not a big deal right? Wrong. Your rotating hand is creating what we call a "circle of distraction." People around you will not be able to focus on the sermon as they instead become hypnotized by watching you. God hates that. It's in Numbers or Exodus I think.

3. There are consequences if you try to massage us.
The members of PAMIC are attractive and funny and Godly and often smell very nice. Please don't get confused by those four things and think it's OK to ever give us a back or neck rub during church. If you do, we can't be held responsible if you suddenly find yourself in some sort of karate arm bar lock, a sleeper hold or at the bottom of a wicked leg drop.

4. Don't confuse not loving in church massages with not loving life, Jesus, our spouses etc.
You will assume, based on our plans to rid all churches, in all countries of "during church massages," that we are not loving people. That perhaps you are rubbing someone's neck as an act of worship or praise or affection. And that members of PAMIC are not into any of those things. That is adorable. It's possible we held hands with our spouses as we walked into church. We might give back rubs at home. We could be amazing "snugglers" but when it comes to touching folks at church, we follow the Bible. And there's not a single example of someone in the Bible giving someone else a neck or back rub while Jesus taught. I dare you to find me a verse that show someone massaging someone else while they listened to the Sermon on the Mount for instance.

Is this extreme? Perhaps, but few great revolutions started quietly. We will not go peacefully. We will march and protest and launch thousands of PAMIC Attacks. (A PAMIC Attack by the way is when you squirt someone that is trying to start a during church massage with a squirt gun full of vinegar. Or what we call at our house, "sass juice.")

Non-massagers of the world unite!

Enjoy your weekend and may you sit still in church. ;)

UPDATE: Wow. Did this post provoke a lot of response! I categorized it as humor, but I see not everyone got that. It was an attempt to poke fun at a distracting element of church behavior. There is no real PAMIC group (at least not that I'm aware of!) and no PAMIC Manifesto. I hope the dialogue, however, helps everyone to understand that what may seem acceptable or commonplace to one person, may actually be unhelpful or even offensive to someone else. Knowing that we are called to help build up one another in love, I trust this conversation will help us all understand various perspectives on physical affection in church--and thereby move us forward in glorifying God in our actions and reactions. The comments thread is now closed -- thanks.

Funniest Kid Stories

So it's Monday. And it's the last week of daylight savings time. As we descend into the dark of winter (at least here in the northern hemisphere), I think we need some humor to kick off the week. 

A friend of mine recently sent me a link to a blog written by Angie Smith, wife of Todd Smith of the music group, Selah. It was a hilarious story about how her daughters "helped" her to decorate their new house just before a dinner party. I was hiccupping with laughter after I read it. I won't spoil the story -- you'll have to check it out. But after that post, Angie decided to run another funny kid story contest from her readers. This was one of my favorites:

My cousin, who was 3 at the time, came home from church one Sunday and proudly announced to the family: "I figured out why we drink grape juice at church." (You know, for communion.) My aunt, ready for a beautifully spiritual answer from her sweet, little blonde daughter, retorts, "Why, honey?" And my cousin, fully convinced that she was now in-the-know, replied "Because Jesus was the King of the Juice!" This is a classic story in my family that we still laugh about 20 years later!

Thank God for the gift of humor!

national punctuation day

i am proud to announce that it is national punctuation day a day in which we celebrate those little marks that help us communicate with punctuation we know the difference between a plural and a possessive for example however apostrophe abuse is making that distinction nearly impossible these days as people routinely use apostrophes for plural words and other things i can rant about anyway i found it took me nearly twice as long to type this because i keep having to go back and erase the punctuation that inherently longs to participate in such a blog post nonetheless heres to national punctuation day

and heres a shoutout to the man who gave us a modern form of punctuation the beloved emoticon ha ha without punctuation you have no idea if i mean that or not

:-)

happy national punctuation day may you never ever abuse the poor apostrophe

cheers

Unintentionally Funny

A few weeks ago, I recorded an interview with the Pilgrim Radio network. It was at the end of a Friday, after a long week at work. My brain cells were AWOL. Though I mangled John Ensor's book title when I referenced it (my apologies!), I thought I was holding it together fairly well. Until the end, that is. After a lengthy conversation about singleness, the host, Bill Feltner, asked me if I had anything else to add. So I began an earnest tangent about how I've been struck by the brevity of life, the reality of eternal rewards, and how few days we have to earn these rewards. Blah, blah, blah, etc. I wrapped up this little sermonette with the pithy observation that "after all, you never know when you might wake up and find yourself dead."

It took a split second it took for the sound of my voice to reach my ears and register in my brain. As soon as the loop was completed, I burst into high-pitched laughter, squealing, "That doesn't make ANY sense! Can I do that again? Wake up and find yourself DEAD??? HA HA HA HA HA...!"

Then Bill said, "Nope. I just ended the recording. We're going to keep that in there. The humor is a nice touch."

I have no idea if he was teasing me or not. But for those of you who live in the Nevada region, you may be able to listen and let me know. (I hope he edited out the part when my cell phone suddenly rang in the middle of our conversation!) The interview will air in two parts on "His People", Monday, August 4 and Tuesday, August 5 at 5:04 a.m.; 3:04 p.m.; and 12:04 a.m., after the news (Eastern time zone). You can also listen live online during those times.

And just remember, you never know when you might wake up and find yourself dead. Consider yourself warned. :)

Extreme Ironing

Yet another illustration regarding the vast gulf between men and women: extreme ironing.

And, of course, extreme ironing sky surfing.

Why? you ask. Because two British lads were bored one day and needed to create a new sport.

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