Radical Womanhood

Consuming Media Wisely

This is a shout-out to my parents today. It's one of the "rise up and call them blessed" moments.

What I want to commend my parents for is the way they helped my sisters and me to wisely consume media. When we were younger we were only allowed one hour of television. Per week. I hate to highlight the trivia I wasted my hour on, but I certainly can't say my childhood was dinged because I couldn't see every cartoon or sitcom. When we did watch TV together, my father would often talk to us during the commercials about what we were watching, challenging the worldview of the programs or even sloppy continuity where the hero would take off in a small Cessna plane and land in a huge bomber--or some other ridiculous production error.

The rule would be relaxed if we were sick, which always makes me associate I Love Lucy with the stomach flu. In the days before three billion cable channels, you could always find endless daytime repeats of I Love Lucy.

What did we do, instead? We read. We built imaginary forts. We played outside. We made up games (as the oldest, I always won, of course). We mowed lawns to earn money for model horses. We babysat. We did gymnastics. We played in the band. We sketched out floor plans for dream houses. We pet-sat and played in the creek. We splashed in the pool until we were more wrinkled than raisins. (Hey! Don't act like I can't hear you whispering 'nerd"!)

Of course the irony is that my parents paid for my college degree in broadcast journalism and that I've spent all my adult life working in some form of media.

These days, when we all spend many more hours in front of a screen, I would argue we have a far greater need for discernment in our media habits. So when I came across this interview with Winston Smith, a faculty member of the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation (CCEF), I knew I want to share it with you, too. "Media on the Home Front" offers some practical ways that parents can equip their family to think accurately in response to media's powerful messages. Here's an excerpt:

Michele: How do I help my kids understand that what they see in the media-whether on TV, radio, movies, or magazines-often fails to reflect the negative consequences that result from our culture's version of success and happiness?

Winston: One of the things I ask my kids to notice is that all media is created by people who want to communicate what they think about life. Advertisers and marketers are all trying to convince you of something. I tell my kids that just because it's written down doesn't mean it's correct. There is wisdom in having a healthy skepticism. The value of this mental alertness is especially obvious in the case of television commercials, because advertisers simply want your money. The foundation for helping our youngsters develop their media antenna is to hone their understanding of the human heart. The Bible says we're all self-deceived. As people live out their belief systems in front of others, our kids need to understand that they're being exposed to someone's worldview, which is frequently inaccurate or skewed when lined up against the Bible.  Parents should try not to be reactionary. Rather, they should seek to gently challenge their kids to see what God's Word has to say about such messages. Society will tell us that the way to think more highly of yourself is to trust your heart. The Bible (in Proverbs 3:5) says the solution is to trust in the Lord. Parents will see the same media images and messages as their kids do and have impromptu conversations about these things along the way.

HT: Andy Farmer, The Family Life Blog

How To Do It All (And Not Be Overwhelmed)

There's one asset that money can't buy: time. It doesn't matter if you are leading billionaires like Bill Gates or Warren Buffett, you can't buy an extra hour in the day. Time is money, but money is not time. Time humbles the most proud human being, because one day time runs out for all creatures. It's an asset you cannot possess, but it's one that you can either squander or invest wisely.

That's why I appreciate the perspective of the newest Girltalk book, Shopping for Time: How to Do It All and NOT Be Overwhelmed. Written by my friends--the mother-daughter(s) team of Carolyn Mahaney, Nicole Whitacre, Kristin Chesemore, and Janelle Bradshaw--Shopping for Time is a short book with a lot of wisdom. At under 100 pages, it won't take a lot of time to read. But the eternal perspective on time management that it contains will be well worth the investment.

After providing a biblical overview on redeeming the time, these authors then present five important points for time management: 1) rise early; 2) sit still (at Jesus' feet); 3) sit and plan (the importance of personal retreats); 4) evaluate relationships carefully; and 5) plan to depend (using planning tools and relying on God's grace). For those who have read the leading mainstream productivity books, you will encounter a refreshing perspective change in this book. Instead of thinking you can harness time to maximize your own productivity, enjoyment, and glory, this book is about maximizing the time for The Day, the day that we will all have to give an account to God for our lives. The authors conclude the book with the compelling Matthew Henry quote: "It ought to be the business of every day to prepare for our last day."

So true. But how can you think about That Day when today is screaming at you? We tend to say, "Ah, well, it's just a busy season." Until you look up, and realize ten years went by and that busy season has not ended. That's when you need the gracious advice of this book to navigate the chronic and the acute when it comes to being busy. Here's one invaluable tip from the book: Size up your limitations.

"As C.J. (Dad) likes to remind us, 'Only God gets his to-do list done each day. We are not God. We are finite creatures with serious limitations.' Only God accomplishes everything he needs to do, in exactly the way he intends, in precisely the right amount of time. Only God! This truth helps us to see the arrogant absurdity of expecting to complete our own to-do list. It frees us to humble ourselves and draw upon God's strength to simply do what we can in busy seasons." 

I recommend this book for every woman, both those who live over-committed and over-scheduled lives and those who frequently wrestle with slacker syndrome. Shopping for Time is equally applicable for both scenarios.

You can read more about the book in an interview with the these ladies and their editor, Lydia Brownback.

Minding Our Media

[Here is the opening excerpt from my article today on Boundless.org.]

As a boy, Ken idolized MacGyver. He had a standing date with MacGyver every Monday night at 8:00 p.m., as well as daily appointments at 7:00 p.m. for the re-runs. He carried duct tape and a Swiss army knife everywhere he went, on the off chance it could be as handy for one of his 9-year-old escapades as it had been for his television hero. Life was good as long as he got his daily MacGyver dose.

But one day, his parents cut him off. They notified him that he was only permitted to watch one episode per week.

"It was a crushing blow," Ken recalled with a smile. "My mind immediately began to race. 'How am I going to continue on? Choose only one episode? Impossible!' It was one of the first times in my life that one of the idols in my little heart was revealed — and I was not giving it up without a fight."

Two decades later, this story — and a related anecdote about Ken (as MacGyver) duct-taping his sister's mouth closed — are humorous fodder for a "break the ice" story swap among new friends. Or so it seems. But if we do a little poking around our own media consumption habits, we may find we're just as undiscerning about the effects of TV, movies, and music on ourselves.

Just Looking

Have you ever walked into the kitchen with nothing on your mind except the project you're working on? You're not even hungry, but there on the counter is a luscious, sugary treat. One glance and your defenses crumble. Desire that was previously dormant is now in a five-alarm frenzy.

What we gaze upon affects our desires.

When I was younger, I had a housemate who never wanted to watch romantic comedies with me. Not just the R-rated flesh-fests, but even the classic British period pieces. She preferred science fiction or adventure movies. I was initially surprised by her preferences — after all, what's a girly evening at home without someone getting the guy?! But Susan had discerned that after watching romantic comedies, she felt a gray cloud of discontentment muffling her passion for God.

There was nothing wrong with these movies themselves, but Susan wisely gauged her heart and realized that this optional activity had a negative spiritual effect on her. So she stopped watching. Her peace before God was more important.

A few years down the line, I better appreciate why she wasn't regularly snacking on romantic comedies in a prolonged season of singleness.

Susan is now married, but she hasn't let down her guard. A few weeks ago she told me how she was watching a movie and found the leading man quite attractive. Distractingly attractive. As she watched, she realized that her attention was directed in the wrong place — she was finding herself drawn to this actor in a way that would compete with her affection for her husband. So she turned off the movie and never saw the end of it.

"I love my husband and I don't want to watch anything that makes me wonder about another man," she said. "It's not worth it. Entertainment is optional. Protecting my marriage is not."

[Read the rest of the article on Boundless.org.]

The Savvy Woman's Packing List

I am legendary for the heft and size of my luggage. But when I headed out Sunday for an overnight trip, I reversed that trend and packed very lightly. I surprised the guys on the camera crew that I would actually take an overnight bag for an overnight trip.

However, I am now regretting my decision as my overnight stay in Louisville, Kentucky, has stretched into three nights--thanks to a vicious visitation of a local stomach virus. I was scheduled to tape an updated conversation with the founders of the Together for the Gospel conference (Mark Dever, Ligon Duncan, C.J. Mahaney, and Al Mohler) in Dr. Mohler's personal library. I was looking forward to seeing this library in person as I had heard so many rave about it. Instead, I spent that time in the emergency room of Jewish Hospital in downtown Louisville. In case I had any delusions that I was indispensable to this shoot, I'm glad to report that the Brainbox Productions crew did a great job without me--no surprises there.

My little adventure has raised some good points about travel, especially for single women on travel. When I was registering at the hospital, I was asked if I have an advanced medical directive, a signed power of attorney, or other such medical forms. I don't. Yet. Like most people, I don't think I'm at the stage where I need to think about it. But obviously illness or injury can strike at any age, and if one travels a great deal it would be wise to put these documents in order--especially for singles.

As a result of this trip, I'm returning to my overpacking tendencies (sorry, guys!). I didn't pack the extra outfits I normally do, clothes that account for spills, weather changes, modesty mishaps (didn't I pack that cami?!) and unexpected changes in travel plans. Before I pack any extra clothes, my suitcase is typically pre-packed with the following items:

- Disinfectant wipes (I've seen some unclean hotel rooms in my time)

- Dove cleansing cloths (activated with water, these are ideal for carry-on luggage)

- Chargers for my mobile phone, PDA, laptop, iPod, etc.

- Slippers (have you ever noticed how black your feet get padding around some hotel rooms?)

- Robe (especially helpful if you are a houseguest and the bathroom is not adjacent to your room)

- Tiny fan (good for drowning out loud hallway conversations)

- Earplugs (good for drowning out everything, but risky if you don't hear that alarm)

- Noise-cancelling headphones (especially helpful for long plane rides)

- A vitamin-rich, ultra-moisturizing face mask for rehydrating post-plane skin

- An array of medicines to combat bug bites, rashes, nausea, colds, respiratory illness, skin infections, cuts, burns, blisters, and "Montezuma's revenge"

- An alarm clock function (on my mobile phone or iPaq) because wake-up calls are infamously unreliable

- Last, but not least, my medical insurance card

That's before I start packing what I need for a particular trip. I always bring two pairs of shoes, even if I'm just gone for a short trip, because you never know when blisters will strike--or when your colleagues will get impatient with the stately pace your high-heeled boots require. (On one trip, my male colleagues were scheming to put caster wheels in my heels and tip me backwards like a dolly to get me around faster. When they finally 'fessed up to what was amusing them, we all laughed so hard that we couldn't walk at all!)

My hotel and hospital stays were pleasant, but a I've got to give props to Southwest Airlines. They not only rescheduled my flight twice, they did it without charging me additional fees. I only have to produce my emergency room discharge papers. That's truly outstanding service, especially the week before Christmas!

If you have any other packing tips, please post a comment. I'm re-opening the comment function on this post in time for our holiday travels. (And check out the submitted ideas for "niblings" in the "Creating Aunt Traditions" post--I've updated that post with a selection of your comments.)

New Purse, New Policy

A few months ago, I purchased a new purse. I should have been duly warned because this one came with its own light. Take it from me, if your purse is cavernous enough to require a light to find what's residing on the bottom, it is just too big! Another indicator that a purse is outsized: your mobile phone always goes to voicemail before you can get your hands on it to answer. But the real litmus test is "the big dig." If you have to disgorge the contents of your purse on your lap, the restaurant table, or the adjoining car seat just to find a pack of gum, you need a better system.

I am waiting for purse manufacturers to recognize that we need a feminine toolbox, not a soft-sided pouch. We need compartments with strong dividers to organize keys, multiple lipsticks, mobile phone, PDA, iPod, digital camera, sunglasses, wallet, pain reliever, mints/gum, tissues, feminine products, and other necessities (such as Shout-Wipes for the spill-prone). That's just the stuff a single woman hauls around. When you get married, you need compartments for the "hey, honey, can you put this in your purse for me" items. Then when you have kids, you have to add a plastic-lined, hazardous waste compartment for all the soiled and half-used items your children hand you--"here, Mommy."

But, alas, I have yet to find such a stylish and useful item. So today I capitulated and purchased another purse that at least allows me to see the contents without a miner's helmet.

My purse overhaul is symbolic of a larger life issue. Like my purse, my life is full of good intentions, randomly packed. Lots of wonderful and necessary things are found in there, but it's too crowded. It's time to pare down.

In recent months, I've been seeking the advice of many people close to me (mentors, pastors, accountability partners, and family) about my schedule and priorities. As the old saying goes, the enemy of the best is the good. Which means you can be ineffective while doing lots of good things. This blog is a good thing. But it takes a lot of time, some of which may be better invested in the people God has already put in my life. A few months ago, I announced I was cutting down my blog entries to two to three entries a week, on average.

Now I must eliminate moderating comments.

Please understand I still want to hear from you because your feedback is valuable--it may initiate a clarification or be the genesis of a future blog post. Though I do read every email and every comment that is submitted, I simply don't have the time to respond to most emails or to moderate the comments in a timely way. So please use the comment function to reply (that way I know which topic you are referring to), but note that comments will no longer be published.

When I first began this blog, I had the idealistic notion it would save time. I would often receive variations of the same question, so I thought if I answered it publicly on a blog, it would be the most efficient method for everyone. That, however, led to more email and more questions. I'm honored to be asked to advise other women, but most of the time I'm not the best person to help because I'm too removed. The best counsel comes from those who can observe your life (pastors, parents, mentors, and close friends), people who can understand more fully the context of a situation. So though I have to institute these changes, I still hope this corner of cyberspace will continue to be a place of Godward encouragement.

Thanks for reading!

Priorities and Decisions: Time

"We only have a few short decades on the face of this earth to earn the rewards that will be with us for all of eternity."

That is a quote by a very wise person--a woman, as I recall--and for the life of me I can't recall who it was. (My apologies to the original author, but at least your point stuck with me, even if your name did not.) This is the way I want to view the hours and days that have been granted to me by the Lord. I want to live with an awareness that I am to invest and steward the gift of time, not squander or kill it. Yet I always seem to live with an insufficient amount of time. I am always saying things like, "I ran out of time to get that done" or "that meeting ran over." However, I have a friend who is also single and she's told me that she seems to have too much time on her hands--many empty hours spent alone. I assume that both of us need an adjustment.

Recently, I drew a typical calendar and began to fill up the days in block increments representing hours. I wanted to see what I was doing with my time. I filled in blocks for sleep, work, exercise, devotions, errands, standing meetings, service to others, commute time, and, yes, blogging. Not much free time was left. Then I began to analyze my time through the grid of relationships I see defined for me in Scripture (daughter, sister, aunt, employee, church member, etc.) and the activities I see that are priorities in Scripture and are worthy of reward (sharing the gospel, doing good works, practicing hospitality, and so forth). Was the tyranny of the urgent, or even just the selfish, dominating the important and the eternal? My calendar would let me know.

As I filled it in, I realized I had two missing areas: recreation and margin. Margin is the "breathing space" you have in your schedule that makes room for the needs and interruptions of others. These things always happen, so not to plan for them is unwise. It's also unkind, because we do need to make ourselves available for the needs of others. There should be at least a few people who know us well enough that they feel the freedom to call in the middle of the night if they have a need or problem.

Time for recreation or leisure is also a necessary component of our schedules. There are some who say this is too great a preoccupation for Americans. There are others who say we take too little time. I've read many articles that state Americans have the least amount of vacation time of any developed nation. That would be an accurate observation in my experience. My European and Australian friends can't believe most of us only get two weeks of leave and then we don't always take it. But rest is important. Rest has always been a biblical expression of humility and it is a promise for our futures in eternity.

A few years ago, I heard a message by Jeff Purswell titled "A Biblical Understanding of Leisure." What I remember so clearly is how he differentiated between God-glorifying recreation and mindless vegging out. The latter is an escape while the former is a purposeful effort to recharge by enjoying God's creation. I believe he asked us to consider what activities refresh our bodies, souls, and minds so that we will be sufficiently energized to keep serving God with joy and peace. It's so easy to flop on the sofa with a DVD, but do we feel recharged or further drained afterward?

For me, being near water makes me grateful to God; one of my favorite sports is kayaking. So that Sunday after hearing Jeff I headed to a lake near my house and paddled around for an hour or so. Each summer, I marvel at how these few hours paddling--the same amount of time as a movie--feel like a mini-vacation. I've been able to spread the cheer by teaching a few friends, too.

I'm fairly sure there are no eternal rewards for kayaking. But rest and recreation are necessary for fruitfulness in other areas of our lives. They are also expressions of our dependence on God. His creatures need time off, but He does not.

As summer comes to a close (at least in the Northern hemisphere), I hope you will be able to enjoy a few hours of rest and re-energizing leisure. For my friends in the Southern hemisphere, may you enjoy the quiet moments of the waning winter!

(My latest kayaking converts are Jane and Aida Alam, in the top picture, and Cleo Mercado, in the boat with me.)

Priorities and Decisions: Unbelief and Prayer

I often receive letters--sincere, heartfelt letters--from those who have prayed long and earnestly about something they desire. But it doesn't appear their prayers were heard or, worse, it appears that they really were given a stone instead of the fish they requested. These letters are heart-rending to read. The painful confusion jumps off the page (as does the anger in many cases). I wish I could personally respond to each letter I receive, but unless that became my full-time job, there aren't enough hours in the day to be faithful to all I'm supposed to do and keep up with this correspondence. So that's why I began this blog. It provides a way to publicly consider some of the trends in the letters I receive (yes, I do read them all).

Yesterday I received a letter in which a woman told the story of learning to pray with more expectancy and faith about a husband; she was shortly thereafter asked out. This developed into a long-term relationship. But unfortunately, it ended and ended rather badly. Now she is wondering if God can be trusted again. Why did these circumstances occur when she was trying to pray in faith toward a God who promised good gifts to His children?

Honestly?... I don't know. And that's not a very comforting answer, I realize. But if I were to say anything other than that, it would be presumption. I have no idea why these circumstances turned out the way they did. I'm not God and He didn't consult me on this one. But I do know this: Job went through much worse and he was able to be satisfied with a revelation of God's character, and not a detailed response to his specific questions. The nagging particulars of his experience ghosted away when Job realized the tremendous gulf between the Omniscient Creator and himself, leaving Job with one clear statement of faith: "I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted" (Job 42:2).

I recently completed Henry and Richard Blackaby's book, Hearing God's Voice, my copy of which is now thoroughly stained in highlighter yellow. One of the sections that is especially marked up is titled "Why Pray?" The authors write:

The motivating impulse of our praying should not primarily be what is on our heart but what is on God's. Jesus taught us to pray, "Give us today our daily bread," but the crux of the Lord's Prayer is, "Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven (Matt. 6:10-11 HCSB). It is understandable for us to pray from the honesty of our hearts, "My Father! If it is possible, let this cup pass from Me." But our ultimate conclusion when we pray must be, as it was with Jesus, "Yet not as I will, but as You will (Matt. 26:39 HCSB).

It is a miraculous thing to consider we have any relationship at all with a holy God. Then to be told that we can speak to Him and He will hear us! And if that weren't enough, He wants to reveal His heart to us and use us--the very creatures who sinned against Him and cost Him greatly to redeem! These facts alone should keep us from ever questioning His goodness to us. Even in deeply painful circumstances, we are still objects of outrageous mercy.

So we press on, certain that prayer is not a vain thing and neither are the things we request in prayer. As the Blackabys outline, God is consistent in the pattern in which He speaks to us in prayer:

1. God takes the initiative to cause us to want to pray. We do not naturally seek God (Rom. 3:10-12). The fact that we desire to pray is evidence of God's work in us. When we pray it is because God has summoned us into his presence.
2. The Spirit of God reveals the will of God through the Word of God. The Holy Spirit takes the words and truths of Scripture and impresses them on our minds. As we pray, he will bring specific Scriptures to our mind.
3. The Holy Spirit helps us pray in agreement with what God is saying (Rom. 8:26). Our natural tendency is to meet God's Word with unbelief. The Holy Spirit works to align our heart and mind to accept all God is saying.
4. When God gives us direction in prayer, he will confirm that word to us through the Bible, circumstances, and other believers.
5. We adjust our lives to what God says. Once God speaks to us, we cannot remain the same. God's word always requires adjustments in our part. It is impossible to obey God without making adjustments.
6. We obey God. All of God's speaking to us means little unless we do what he tells us.
7. God works in and through us to accomplish his revealed purposes.
8. We experience God through our obedience as the Holy Spirit revealed we would. Experiencing God comes out of an obedience response to God's Word to us.

In the case of this recent letter, I don't know why this relationship unfurled the way it did. Perhaps this man was not a door God was opening, but she didn't detect that because this man popped up right after so much prayer. But I think point number three in the list above is most helpful right now. Our natural, sinful tendencies are to drift from the Gospel, to drift from the magnificence of the Cross. When we find ourselves wallowing there, the Holy Spirit is the one to enable us to say, "Help me in my unbelief!" (Mark 9:14-23). Then He provides us with the sustaining grace we need to continually seek fellowship with God in prayer.

Priorities and Decisions: Open and Shut Doors

It's been said that prayer is the way we learn God's priorities and direction for our lives. So when we've been praying for guidance, how then are we to interpret our circumstances?  Obviously the Bible records many accounts where circumstances looked bleak but were leading to a glorious conclusion (see Naomi or Joseph), or conversely where circumstances looked good but were actually snares (see the Gibeonite Deception).

In recent posts, we've had quite a conversation going about circumstances, faith, and obedience to God's Word. I wanted to explore the process of prayer first and then talk about circumstances, but I decided to flip-flop the order because of these conversations. When considering circumstances, it's common for Christians to speak of open or shut doors. When something (or someone) looks favorable and an opportunity presents itself, it's viewed as an open door. When something (or someone) is not cooperative (or even present!), it's viewed as a closed door. But this simplistic perspective is not always the wisest method. As Henry Blackaby writes in Hearing God's Voice, it's imperative to view open and shut doors against the plumb line of Scripture.

The problem with open doors is the emphasis is erroneously placed on the door rather than on God. Some people enter open doors under the mistaken assumption that God only allows good opportunities to come their way. Therefore, any good opportunity that comes along must be from God. Looking for open doors can appear easier than developing a relationship with God. Various opportunities, including questionable business opportunities and marriage proposals, can be treated as open doors. As you might imagine, this can often lead to disastrous results!

If decision-making were based entirely on open doors, people would not need a relationship with God; they could merely become "door watchers." Moses saw an open door to deliver a Hebrew being oppressed by an Egyptian. He went through it, and it cost him forty years wandering in the wilderness (Exod. 2:11-15). King Saul seized an opportunity to offer an unauthorized sacrifice to God, and it cost him his kingdom (1 Sam. 13:8-9). King David stumbled through an open door to an improper relationship with Bathsheba, and his house was filled with violence and heartache for the rest of his life (2 Sam. 11). Conversely, David twice had the opportunity to murder King Saul. Doing so would have removed his greatest enemy and opened the door for his rightful place as king. Yet both times David wisely recognized the opportunity before him was not from God (1 Sam. 24, 26). Simply entering an open door without checking to see if God opened it can bring catastrophic consequences.

Therefore, if we as single Christian women are asked out by an unbelieving man, we know that this open door is not from God because God's word commands that believers be equally yoked and more importantly that women who have the freedom to make their own choices in marriage marry only in the Lord (1 Cor. 7:39). Yes, we desire to get married. Yes, this is a man asking us out. But this door cannot be viewed as an answer to prayer, because prayer is the means of aligning ourselves with God's will.

More on that next time. I hope you were encouraged by Henry Blackaby's clarification.

Priorities and Decisions: Human Doings or Human Beings

I have always been a list-maker. I love making lists--it's an almost compulsive need to capture all the loose ends and compile them into one master list. I come from a long line of list-makers, too. Dad used to keep his "Honey Do" list on the chalkboard in the kitchen. These were the big projects, things like painting the fence or fixing the roof. When I was about six or so, I recall checking off one of his items just as he finished it. Let's just say it took the wind out of his sails to discover someone else had scratched off an item on his To Do list! I knew never to make that mistake again.

It's easy to become driven by a To Do list. But have you ever enjoyed a respite from said list? No. That's the very nature of To Do lists. They are never The Done lists. They stay in permanent nag mode.

Here's the tough truth: God is the only one to accomplish everything on His To Do list. He has all the time, resources, and knowledge to accomplish His will. We don't. We are creatures who will go to our graves with incomplete tasks. This being the case, we would be wise to align our lists with His and to enjoy our fellowship with Him. We are human beings, not human doings.

So what is God doing? Well, one of God's stated and clear priorities in Scripture is the building of His church (Matthew 16:18, 1 Peter 2:4-5). As His redeemed people, this ought to be at the top of our lists, too. That's not simply contributing to the building fund. That's being used by God to equip, encourage, exhort, and edify the "living stones" that are being built up as His spiritual house. If that's His divine priority, we must make it our goal to align our own decisions and priorities in the same way.

Amazingly, God equips us to do this work. The Holy Spirit distributes manifestations of Himself as spiritual gifts to the church. Now I know that very concept can be divisive. It shouldn't be, not if we are careful to avoid the mistakes of the Corinthians. And not every gift is one of the controversial "spectacular gifts." So as we continue to explore this topic, let's keep in mind the broad range found in the various gift lists in Scripture.

The Bible is clear, however, that we each have gifts. The gifts are not about us or for ourselves. They are for the building up of the church. (See 1 Corinthians 12-14). The gifts are also given without respect to marital status. Every member, no matter what season of life, is expected to bless and build the Body of Christ.

On Sunday, Bob Kauflin gave an encouraging and thought-provoking message titled "Pursuing God's Presence." It was the message he also gave at this week's WorshipGod06 conference. (A blogger's shout-out here to Tim Challies, who is here with us live-blogging this event and meeting President Bush.)

Among all that I learned from this message, I walked away with two points of application:

1. As our church has grown, I've become slack in preparing properly for Sunday meetings. I'm not asking God ahead of time about those who may need to be ministered to or encouraged. I'm not asking God to use me in any particular way. I'm just showing up. The problem is not the size of the church, it's the temptation to think my contribution isn't needed with so many others around me. That's where God's Word reveals the drift in my life, which must be corrected.

2. A young, single woman can have a HUGE impact on the church when she is faithful to God's promptings.

In his message, Bob told the story about Melinda Pino, who was then a 17-year-old girl from our church in Miami. He was leading worship at one of our regional conferences, as he has done for years. No doubt Melinda had grown up watching Bob in this capacity. But Bob was feeling quite depleted during that time. He thought he had given out all he had to give and was running on fumes. He wondered about his capacity for the future. During one of the days at this conference, Melinda came over to share an impression with him, an encouragement she felt was from the Lord. It was probably nerve-wracking for her to do this, but she was faithful to deliver it, anyway. And it spoke to the weariness Bob was feeling. He was immediately refreshed in the Lord and hasn't felt this way again in the three years hence. That's just the brief overview--you should download the message and hear Bob tell it.

The point is, God has given Bob great capacities and many gifts. He does pour himself out for the benefit of his church and many others. So when Melinda was faithful to step up and share what she felt God had given her for Bob, she was used by God to ensure the ministry of this gifted man would not sputter to a stop. Her contribution was vital, though it may not have seemed so at the time.

Here are some questions to consider. Are our lives too busy for the people of God? Do we prepare more for other meetings and events than we do for church? Are we seeking ways in which to be a blessing to others in our church? As Bob said, we should have an eager expectation about what the Holy Spirit will do among His people. We should be listening for God to speak.

That's what we'll explore next time: how God speaks in prayer.

Priorities and Decisions: Where to Start

One of the big challenges about being single is feeling like we're not aiming at anything in particular, but at everything that passes. We live in a distracted age, but that doesn't mean we have to be a participant. We can learn from the wisdom of Moses, who prayed in Psalm 90:12, "So teach us to number our days, that we may present to You a heart of wisdom" (NAS). The NIV translates this as, "Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."

Every day, we have to make a myriad of decisions that are run through a grid of competing priorities. This dribble of decision-making ranges from the trivial (heels or no heels?) to the eternally significant (gaze upon this temptation or walk away?). What Moses recognized is that the wise person knows the brevity of life and looks to God to make the most of the time He has granted to us. This is echoed in Paul's letter to the Ephesians: "Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is" (Eph. 5:15-17).

Being wise requires an understanding of the will of the Lord. It is revealed throughout Scripture--a glorious panoply of His sovereign grace and saving mercy extended to people with wobbly faith and inconsistent performance. The Bible is about God and His work, not us or our achievements. Therefore, that's where we start: How do we live to bring the greatest glory to this incredible God?

Much of the agony we have in decision-making can be minimized with this starting point. For example, should we accept job A or B? Most of the time, our default setting is, "What's in it for me?" How long of a commute would I have? What kind of money would I make? What kind of advancement might lay ahead? What kinds of interesting challenges would I have? What does this job say about my professional accomplishments? While some of these are real-life factors, they aren't a starting point. A long commute is a factor, yes, but not for the mere sake of inconvenience. A long commute is important when it would affect our ability to serve others, keep ministry commitments, or impede fellowship--in other words, when it unnecessarily drains time from activities that glorify God and build His church.

We'll unpack more of this concept in the days to come. For now, a heart of wisdom begins with understanding our short life-span in light of eternity. As Moses wrote, "Even from everlasting to everlasting, You are God" (Ps. 90:2 NAS). Not so with us. "As for the days of our life, they contain seventy years, or if due to strength, eighty years, Yet their pride is but labor and sorrow; For soon it is gone and we fly away" (v. 10).