Radical Womanhood

You Plant Churches?

For a number of years, I had the privilege of processing the general correspondence we received at Sovereign Grace Ministries. I know it's a phrase we tend to overuse at times, but it truly was a privilege! I loved having a small window into the process of God bringing people, pastors, and churches into the Sovereign Grace family. I enjoyed meeting pastors at our Leadership Conference who initially had been just an email address with a question. I got a kick out of seeing new Pastors College students who had been introduced first over email. And it was a joy to announce a new Sovereign Grace church and to think back a few years to the initial correspondence and then reflect how God built that relationship between our leaders and the people of that church.

That's why I'm happy to note the addition of a new section of the Sovereign Grace Ministries website--one devoted to our philosophy of planting churches. For some of you, even that phrase will sound odd. It did to me as a new believer. Why say "plant" and not just "start"? But there's something more accurate in the concept of a seed being planted, taking root, and becoming a flourishing and growing organism. That's the gospel at work in a local church as the Holy Spirit draws people together for the glory of God.

This section provides an explanation of our model of planting churches, which includes assessment, specialized training, launch support, and apostolic care (please note this is not the same thing as being a Scripture-writing Apostle, a difference which is thoroughly explained in that section). It also includes a church-planting FAQ for all those who have been sending in their questions. Finally, there is a section with resources for church-planters and their teams.

So why do I raise such a topic on this blog? First, I am aware that though this blog exists to serve women, primarily single women, there are a number of men who visit to gain a perspective of what's going on with their sisters in the Lord. So for those men, especially those considering a call to the pastorate, I want to highlight the section about identifying gifting and calling. For everyone else, I would encourage reading the section titled "Qualifications for Participation in a Church-Planting Team." We don't have to be on the initial team that starts a new church. Remember the plant analogy? Well, all of us are involved in the process of growing a flourishing church. We may not be on the team that plants the first seed, but if we don't participate, our church is at risk for shriveling up and dying. The qualities listed there are qualities everyone needs to ensure a church thrives. Single adults are just as important to the local church as families. In fact, we see this at Covenant Life Church every Memorial Day weekend when the singles depart to attend the New Attitude conference. Suddenly, there are huge holes in all the ministry teams, from the parking team to children's ministry to the worship team and more. However, this list of qualifications is a good challenge for each of us to consider. Would we qualify for such a team? Are we considered that beneficial to the church?

Finally, if you want to read more about the joy of church-planting, here is a testimony by Tawn O'Connor about her latest adventure: serving on the team that started our church in Frederick, Maryland. That church was started out of my home church, and we sent a few key single adults with that team, including my friend and colleague, Kristen Ryan.

(Photo caption: Some of those involved in our Aguascalientes, Mexico church plant. They are on my mind and in the prayers of the production team as we wrap up the editing of our annual mission video, which features our ministry's work in Mexico and Bolivia.)

Challenges for the 21st Century Single Woman

Today through Wednesday, Nancy Leigh DeMoss' radio show, Revive Our Hearts, is featuring an interview with me. This is from a recording we did three years ago, just as my book released. I can barely remember anything I said, so I'm looking forward to listening to it, too! The summary description of the series is:

Jun. 25 - Jun. 27: Serving God Through Singleness: A Conversation with Carolyn McCulley
In the first century, the apostle Paul wrote that those who were unmarried had an opportunity to serve the Lord without distraction. Is this still true for 21st century women? Carolyn McCulley discusses the practical challenges and opportunities that come with being a single woman today.

If you miss it on your local radio station, you can download either the transcript or the audio file from the website (where programs are cataloged by date). I would also recommend the four-part interview series with Nancy that Girltalk posted earlier this month.

While you're online, check out this clip from the Britain's Got Talent TV show, which is similar to American Idol. It's been on a bazillion blogs, but it should be! Talk about amazing talent, lack of hype, and true audience appreciation--even from the notorious Simon Cowell! This man's singing made me burst into tears, especially as the audience spontaneously shows their appreciation, too. He deserved to win, just from this performance alone.

Raising the Stakes

This week, Boundless ran a piece titled "Misguided Compassion" by Candice Watters. In it, she writes about singles ministries that are not helping their single adults get married. It is a thought-provoking piece, and because of the questions I've received, I'd like to comment on it.

I consider Candice a friend and I appreciate her thinking. I know she and her husband, Steve, are committed to helping singles marry and to form godly families. And I agree with Candice that the church universal could do a lot more to help its single adults meet and marry. When the institution of the family as God ordained it is under attack from all directions, we in the church must be proactive about caring for marriages, parents, and children. We must also be proactive about helping single adults get married, for certainly this is swimming against the tide of our current culture.

But as this dialogue ensues in various corners of cyberspace, my biggest concern is the pitting of one concept (trusting God) against another (get out there and DO something!). Advocates of either position often paint the perspective of the other in broad strokes. So I'd like to express my appreciation to Candice for raising this topic and then amplify some points in a way I trust will be helpful to both sides.

As Candice writes:

A quick look at the messages coming out of most singles groups, Christian books for singles and singles websites and blogs reveals a common theme:

"If God wants you married," they reason, "He'll make it happen. If you try to make it happen, you'll risk upsetting God's will for your life. Be the best single you can be and leave the rest to Him."

I barely have time to keep up with my own blog and other job responsibilities, so I don't claim to know all that is being published for Christian singles. Candice may be in a better position to comment on the breadth of material out there, but I'd like to examine the potential for some misunderstanding here.

First, as I've said before, I think it is unhelpful to paint this dialogue as an either/or position. It is a both/and position. I firmly believe in the sovereignty of God, so I believe the first sentence is completely true. I would also say the third sentence is generally true, but it could come across as flippant. I would amend it to de-emphasize marital status and highlight God's holy worth by saying, "Be the best disciple you can be and honor God with your trust."

It is the second summary sentence that may be missing some important nuances from among these publications (and I am assuming--without offense--that my own is among this group), so that's the section I want to examine here. I think it is more accurate to say, "But keep a close eye on your life and doctrine. Examine your motivations to discover what your functional beliefs are and what you are truly living for." The emphasis here is on living a God-glorifying existence, married or single. The reason for this is that searching for a mate can easily slip into idolatry. But laziness and passivity also can easily hide under the guise of trusting God. One can be proactive to a proper degree about finding a spouse, but one always needs to vigilant about what's lurking in the heart if a spouse doesn't turn up in the time or manner expected (demanded?) of God. I liken this to the mix of human responsibility and divine sovereignty in the matter of evangelism. I believe Scripture's clear emphasis is on God's sovereignty in saving people, but the Bible also clearly teaches human responsibility in preaching the gospel. So though none of us can actually regenerate another human being, we get out there and share the gospel, we invite our neighbors to outreach events, we serve the poor and needy--and we trust God for the results.

In this same way, whenever I speak at women's ministry events, I encourage the married women in these groups to be proactive about helping the single adults meet and marry. We should trust God for the results, but we should not be passive about creating opportunities for God to work. I'm not speaking of being a busybody--far from it. I'm not talking about going around and stirring up gossip, asking nosy questions of those you don't know, demanding of singles why they are still single when you don't even have a shred of a friendship with them, etc. Instead, I am asking married couples to be proactive in prayer for the singles they know. In many cases, I am asking married couples to actually befriend singles--too often we have an unhelpful marital status divide within the church. I am encouraging married couples to invite singles over for a meal or a social activity in order to create a context for singles to get to know each other. Finally, I encourage married couples to notice the friendships that single men have and ask these men about the women they know. "Have you considered [insert woman's name here] for anything beyond friendship?" is one of the most fruitful questions I know. That question is at the root of many outstanding marriages, as is the encouragement to single women to seriously consider the initiative of a godly man who may not be lighting any sparks on her end. I could fill a book with testimonies of romantic, godly marriages that nearly didn't happen because initially one or the other was not thinking of their future spouse "like that"--at least not until someone they know and respect gently asked why not. (Single adults can do the same thing for each other--I've asked the "why not?" question many times of others--but my observation is that it is far less awkward when a married person is asking. I also think the burden of helping single adults get married should not fall to those of us who are still trying to navigate that rocky path!)

But is a mixer the best solution to this need? I wasn't at the one Candice cited, so I don't know how this particular event was organized. In general, mixers are based upon worldly thinking--they support the self-centered view of "what can I get out of this?" and encourage a superficial evaluation of attractiveness. Fortunately, our God is a merciful God and often works through imperfect plans and imperfect people, so I'm sure several marriages will arise from such a mixer. For that, I am grateful. But before we charge out the door to the next social event, we need to acknowledge that worldliness is more deeply embedded in American evangelicals than we care to admit. That's why I believe we need our churches to clearly reject the individualism and self-centeredness of our culture, especially as it has shaped our relationships, and embrace the servant-minded outlook we find in the New Testament church. Therefore, we need to help single adults evaluate our reasons for why we have the relationships we do.

In recent months, my pastors have been going through a Q&A series on relationships for all the single adults of my church. I appreciate the emphasis they have put on attractiveness. Being attracted to your spouse is a good thing! So for all those who tar God's goodness and generosity with fears of being forced to marry an unattractive spouse, this should come as a relief. But here's the twist: At the top of our lists of what's attractive should be the qualities that God says are attractive--humility, joy, gentleness, hospitality, kindness, fear of the Lord, and so on. It's most unfortunate, but these are qualities not easily or accurately discerned in a mixer setting.

Nevertheless, we are called to cultivate such virtues in ourselves. That's why I wrote an entire book about biblical femininity for single women. It is a tour of most of the Proverbs 31 virtues as they can be applied in singleness. Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? Trusting God with a Hope Deferred was meant to address a potentially despairing question with a faith-filled answer. Scripture is full of men and women who tried to fulfill God's will in their own fleshly efforts and failed--just as it is full of those who tried to thwart God's will in their own fleshly efforts and failed. Scripture is a breath-taking panorama of a God who is fully worthy of our complete, childlike trust. We are called to a limited responsibility under the loving, sovereign reign of our Lord. Therefore, we do not need to be anxious about marriage nor be consumed by the goal of getting married.

I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. (1 Cor 7:32-35, emphasis mine).

O LORD, my heart is not lifted up;
my eyes are not raised too high;
I do not occupy myself with things
too great and too marvelous for me.
But I have calmed and quieted my soul,
like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child is my soul within me.
O Israel, hope in the LORD
from this time forth and forevermore. (Psalm 131, emphasis mine)

So, yes, I think the church universal should invest in helping single adults navigate the dangerous shoals of unbiblical divorces, immoral and worldly influences, indwelling sin and unbelief, and a myriad other reasons for why it's so hard to get married and stay married. But I'm asking for even more than what Candice outlined--I want much more than mixers. I want radical discipleship that transcends self-centered relationships and calls the Body of Christ to transparent, authentic, New Testament-style life together, each part investing in the other to cultivate a whole-hearted devotion to the Lord.

And for the record, I certainly hope I did not kiss marriage goodbye. So if you know me, feel free to insert my name in the "did you ever consider...?" question. I am not even going to wait for a mixer--I am proactively including the world wide web! ;) But my trust is in my sovereign and loving Father's provision.

Pray for Your Pastor

Nearly a thousand people--pastors and their wives--are descending upon Gaithersburg, Maryland, today for the Sovereign Grace Ministries Leadership Conference. Our offices have been preparing for this event for months. It's been two years since our last Leadership Conference because our pastors attended Together for the Gospel '06, instead. So we are anticipating a kind of homecoming. The laughing and back-slapping will be thunderous, no doubt!

I will be serving in various administrative roles, but my primary task is to conduct video interviews with some pastors from other nations in order to track their stories for future mission videos. Speaking of videos, if you are curious about this conference, you can check out our latest online video. This four-minute piece features John Held, a first-time guest pastor at our 2005 Leadership Conference, with his perspective on why an event like this is important. (For the best resolution, I recommend downloading the video over streaming it.)

One point John raises in this video is how pastors can become weary. I wonder how many of us are even aware of that. So today, no matter whether your pastor is at this conference or not, I would encourage you to take some time to pray for those who labor among our churches as pastors and elders. These men are Christ's gift to our churches, a precious truth that should inspire us to intercede for their fruitfulness and faithfulness.

But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it. This is why it says: "When he ascended on high, he led captives in his train and gave gifts to men." (What does "he ascended" mean except that he also descended to the lower, earthly regions? He who descended is the very one who ascended higher than all the heavens, in order to fill the whole universe.) It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. (Ephesians 4:7-13 NIV)

Scripture also commands us to honor our leaders. 1 Timothy 5:17 (NIV) says: "The elders who direct the affairs of the church well are worthy of double honor, especially those whose work is preaching and teaching." Given the spiritual burdens our pastors carry, could I suggest that you send your pastor(s) a note of appreciation and encouragement? This small act could be the very thing God uses to refresh a number of weary leaders--and it brings glory to the God who inspired this Scripture verse.

The Lost Interview, Recovered

What a surprise! Boundless posted an oldie, but goodie, yesterday--a 2005 interview they did with Josh Harris and me in the Sovereign Grace studio. I'd forgotten all about it, but now my rambling has been revived in The Mentor Series: Stop Dating the Church.

Whew...that saved me from having to write a longer post today. Thanks, Ted!

(Photo: Ted Slater, Josh Harris, Motte Brown and yours truly with the microphone running through her head. Nice...)

UPDATE: Ted used his digital powers to command the mic stand to disappear. What a talented guy!

Another Look at 1 Corinthians 7

Last summer, the pastors at my church began to teach through 1 Corinthians. It's taken many months, but we've now arrived at the seventh chapter, which addresses singleness. Two weeks ago, Jeff Purswell, who serves Sovereign Grace Ministries as the dean of our Pastors College, opened his sermon by poking fun at the ominous disclaimers that always follow the sunny optimism of TV drug advertisements. Then he drew a comparison to this text (1 Corinthians 7:8-9; 25-38), joking about the need for disclaimers: "This text is extremely vulnerable to misinterpretation. Any sermon preached on this text is guaranteed to be misunderstood by some and may well offend many. Teachers who preach this text will likely receive angry emails and may never again be asked to preach in this church."

Despite the risks, Jeff did a great job of setting up the background of this letter, the false theologies that were prevalent in Corinthian culture, and the wise pastoral counsel that Paul provides to the various segments of the Corinthian church. He also had his own disclaimers as he began to talk about singleness.

"We won't from this text be able to provide an exhaustive treatment on everything that the Bible says about singleness. We can't say everything. This text doesn't intend to provide an exhaustive treatment on singleness. Paul is responding to a particular situation in Corinth. He's not writing a book or giving a seminar on singleness or marriage or courtship or anything like that. . . What this text does do, and it does so powerfully, is that it affirms the goodness of singleness. It's not a subpar existence. It also shows us the benefits that come when God calls a person to live, or so arranges that a person live, their life without a spouse, be that for a season of life, or a SEASON of life, or all of life. . . Here's how I would sum it up: Singleness, when given by God, and pursued for God, brings glory to God. The single life is a reality for many people. This text shows us it's not an inferior reality. It's not an inferior mode of existence. When God calls someone to life as a single, and when they walk it out in His power, which He promises to provide, and when they walk it out for His glory, then the single life--like married life--can be, it SHOULD be, fulfilling and fruitful and most importantly, God-glorifying."

Jeff hammered this point again in his closing comments, making sure that people understood that singleness lived for the glory of one's self or for the pleasures of one's comforts is not a biblical option. But then he ministered encouragement for all of us singles who would desire the gift of marriage but know we must be fruitful and effective in our singleness right now.

"Singleness is not the preferred option for self-absorbed Christians. Singleness is an opportunity for undivided devotion to Christ. . . Both the married and the unmarried state are God-given gifts to be used for His glory and for His purpose. But Paul is acknowledging here that celibacy does offer unique ways to serve. It's not better or worse, it's unique. So the question for the single person is: Are you using your singleness this way? Celibacy is not necessarily a permanent state. . . The Bible never speaks of a vow of celibacy. . . In your present state--and for those living their lives under the sovereignty God, which we all are--if you are single now, that's God's call for you right now. . . Godly marriage and chaste singleness are both pleasing to God. . . . In a world where those who are single are sometimes marginalized, sometimes excluded, these texts are clarifying and affirming and they should be wonderfully encouraging. For those called to be single, be it for a season, even a long season, or for life, whether you desire it, or whether you don't, I think God would want to encourage you this morning that your singleness, given by God, and pursued for God, brings glory to God. God is sovereign and if He has so ordained for whatever reason, for however long, that you to be single, He will empower you to fulfill this call.

"Now, if you are single and you have become overly comfortable--and I'm not talking about biblical contentment, that's a good thing--but perhaps you are aware that singleness for you has become the path of least resistance, a way for you to pursue your own desires, a way to avoid your responsibilities, and maybe a way to avoid the responsibilities of a family. This text would remind you, this text would exhort you, biblical singleness is purposeful. It's not singleness by default, it's singleness with a purpose and a passion to serve the church, to extend the gospel, which is really the call for every person in the church.

"To those single in our midst, for whom singleness is undesirable. You don't feel called to be celibate, you'd love to be married, for whatever reason it hasn't happened, I believe God would want to encourage you with a promise. It's a promise rooted in His love. It's a promise that holds out hope.

Let not the foreigner who has joined himself to the LORD say, "The LORD will surely separate me from his people"; and let not the eunuch say, "Behold, I am a dry tree." For thus says the LORD: "To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths, who choose the things that please me and hold fast my covenant, I will give in my house and within my walls a monument and a name better than sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name that shall not be cut off. (Isaiah 56:3-5)

I would highly recommend listening to the whole message. You can download "1 Corinthians Part 15" for free from Covenant Life's website for the next few months.

A Charitable Conversation About the Gift of Singleness

Last night some friends and I were able to meet fellow blogger Adrian Warnock and his pastor, Tope Koleoso, for dinner. I would have had a picture for you, but my camera battery died at an inauspicious moment. It was a thoroughly enjoyable time and a treat to be able to put a face with a website and email address!

One of the topics we discussed was the tone of Christian dialogue in the blogosphere, a topic of great concern to me. I've been thinking a lot about this in the past few days. If Scripture says we are to be known by our love for one another, does this sniping at each other in cyberspace fulfill this command? Our conversations, demeanor, and character are literally on display for the entire world to see and evaluate. When unbelievers encounter Christians online, do they find us living out these commands?

By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. (John 13:35)

Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. (Romans 12:10)

Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. (Romans 13:8)

Finally, brothers, rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you. (2 Corinthians 13:11)

Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. (1 John 4:11)

It is my observation and experience that we often fall short. I am including myself, though I do work hard to muzzle my own foolish words.

Having said that, I want to point out that Dr. Kostenberger has updated his blog with an expansion on his earlier comments on the gift of singleness. My own thoughts on this topic can be read for free in the second chapter of my book.

Obviously I have a different perspective on this than does someone like Debbie Maken, author of Getting Serious About Getting Married. But that does not require that any of us be uncharitable in our conversations on this topic. Neither should it polarize our positions. Yes, I am going to finish my review of her book in the near future. But of this I can assure you: Though we differ on how to interpret this difficult passage of Scripture in 1 Corinthians 7, we both agree on the importance and priority of marriage in Scripture. In taking the position I have done, I am simply trying to discover what God's purpose and empowering are for those of us who are currently single. In saying that we are graciously endowed by the Holy Spirit in our present situation to be used to build up the church, I am neither commending singleness over marriage nor saying it is wrong to desire and pray for marriage. What I am saying is that if you woke up single today, there are the purposes of eternity for you to serve and that you have been equipped by the Holy Spirit to do so. And I believe you can do so while simultaneously trusting your Creator and Redeemer for any future hopes of marriage.

A Theologian Weighs in on the Gift of Singleness

I am a regular reader of the Biblical Foundations blog, written by theologian Andreas Kostenberger. Today, he published his thoughts about the current debate on the gift of singleness, based on the work he did for his book, God, Marriage, and Family: Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation.  Here's a tidbit for your consideration: "I was surprised to find that there is in Scripture a trajectory, or development, from singleness being rare and highly undesirable (OT) to singleness being presented as advantageous for kingdom service and as a divine gift (NT) to singleness being the universal state of humanity in heaven."

However, he ends with this thought: "Suffice it to say that God’s leading is individual and personal and cannot be reduced to one and only way of guidance. . . Knowing this calls for wisdom, prayer, discernment, and trust in the God who alone knows you and cares for you intimately—the God who has a wonderful plan for your life, a plan that may, but in most cases probably does not, include singleness."

To read the rest of his post, visit The Biblical Foundations blog.

Priorities and Decisions: Human Doings or Human Beings

I have always been a list-maker. I love making lists--it's an almost compulsive need to capture all the loose ends and compile them into one master list. I come from a long line of list-makers, too. Dad used to keep his "Honey Do" list on the chalkboard in the kitchen. These were the big projects, things like painting the fence or fixing the roof. When I was about six or so, I recall checking off one of his items just as he finished it. Let's just say it took the wind out of his sails to discover someone else had scratched off an item on his To Do list! I knew never to make that mistake again.

It's easy to become driven by a To Do list. But have you ever enjoyed a respite from said list? No. That's the very nature of To Do lists. They are never The Done lists. They stay in permanent nag mode.

Here's the tough truth: God is the only one to accomplish everything on His To Do list. He has all the time, resources, and knowledge to accomplish His will. We don't. We are creatures who will go to our graves with incomplete tasks. This being the case, we would be wise to align our lists with His and to enjoy our fellowship with Him. We are human beings, not human doings.

So what is God doing? Well, one of God's stated and clear priorities in Scripture is the building of His church (Matthew 16:18, 1 Peter 2:4-5). As His redeemed people, this ought to be at the top of our lists, too. That's not simply contributing to the building fund. That's being used by God to equip, encourage, exhort, and edify the "living stones" that are being built up as His spiritual house. If that's His divine priority, we must make it our goal to align our own decisions and priorities in the same way.

Amazingly, God equips us to do this work. The Holy Spirit distributes manifestations of Himself as spiritual gifts to the church. Now I know that very concept can be divisive. It shouldn't be, not if we are careful to avoid the mistakes of the Corinthians. And not every gift is one of the controversial "spectacular gifts." So as we continue to explore this topic, let's keep in mind the broad range found in the various gift lists in Scripture.

The Bible is clear, however, that we each have gifts. The gifts are not about us or for ourselves. They are for the building up of the church. (See 1 Corinthians 12-14). The gifts are also given without respect to marital status. Every member, no matter what season of life, is expected to bless and build the Body of Christ.

On Sunday, Bob Kauflin gave an encouraging and thought-provoking message titled "Pursuing God's Presence." It was the message he also gave at this week's WorshipGod06 conference. (A blogger's shout-out here to Tim Challies, who is here with us live-blogging this event and meeting President Bush.)

Among all that I learned from this message, I walked away with two points of application:

1. As our church has grown, I've become slack in preparing properly for Sunday meetings. I'm not asking God ahead of time about those who may need to be ministered to or encouraged. I'm not asking God to use me in any particular way. I'm just showing up. The problem is not the size of the church, it's the temptation to think my contribution isn't needed with so many others around me. That's where God's Word reveals the drift in my life, which must be corrected.

2. A young, single woman can have a HUGE impact on the church when she is faithful to God's promptings.

In his message, Bob told the story about Melinda Pino, who was then a 17-year-old girl from our church in Miami. He was leading worship at one of our regional conferences, as he has done for years. No doubt Melinda had grown up watching Bob in this capacity. But Bob was feeling quite depleted during that time. He thought he had given out all he had to give and was running on fumes. He wondered about his capacity for the future. During one of the days at this conference, Melinda came over to share an impression with him, an encouragement she felt was from the Lord. It was probably nerve-wracking for her to do this, but she was faithful to deliver it, anyway. And it spoke to the weariness Bob was feeling. He was immediately refreshed in the Lord and hasn't felt this way again in the three years hence. That's just the brief overview--you should download the message and hear Bob tell it.

The point is, God has given Bob great capacities and many gifts. He does pour himself out for the benefit of his church and many others. So when Melinda was faithful to step up and share what she felt God had given her for Bob, she was used by God to ensure the ministry of this gifted man would not sputter to a stop. Her contribution was vital, though it may not have seemed so at the time.

Here are some questions to consider. Are our lives too busy for the people of God? Do we prepare more for other meetings and events than we do for church? Are we seeking ways in which to be a blessing to others in our church? As Bob said, we should have an eager expectation about what the Holy Spirit will do among His people. We should be listening for God to speak.

That's what we'll explore next time: how God speaks in prayer.

Cross-Cultural Singleness

I've now returned from nearly two weeks in the U.K. Thanks for enduring the intermittent silence on this blog! It was a wonderful trip with many memorable highlights.

Last Friday night, I was able to meet with the single ladies of our three churches in the U.K., as well as a few guests. It was an informal evening of Q&A. I started off by asking them a few questions about what it was like to be single in British culture. I didn't want to presume that my American experience was typical. For example, I had learned during my trip that bright make-up, especially lipstick, was often viewed as being immodest in the U.K., while some things that my American church might think immodest weren't viewed the same way there. That was a big surprise to me! (After learning that, I toned down my own lipstick out of courtesy.)

Though there are some differences, what I discovered during the conversation with these ladies was that many of the struggles are the same. We discussed faith toward God in protracted singleness, how to juggle multiple commitments and a demanding job, and how to "fit in" with family-oriented churches. I encouraged them to be transparent in pursuing relationships with families, and reminded them that married people often assume singles think their lives are unexciting. Therefore, singles must be clear about their interest in being included in family events. I've learned from my married friends that it's hard work to take on that new role and it can be time-consuming to do so. That's why singles often have to be proactive in maintaining the friendship during this transition. (In fact, when I returned home I read an article in this week's Washington Post about friendships between singles and their married friends. Though obviously written from a non-faith perspective, the article contained many--though not all--of the same points I was making at this meeting.)

It's often been quipped that the British and Americans are a people divided by a common language. That's quite obvious in one's travels! But issues of the heart often transcend these linguistic and cultural differences. I tip my hat to those women who have stood firm for Christian standards and practices in a culture with so few other believers. I enjoyed meeting them, some of whom are pictured above, and I pray that they will continue to persevere in the power and joy of the Holy Spirit.