Radical Womanhood

Signs and Psalms

God sometimes speaks to me in odd situations. Most recently, I felt the Holy Spirit prompt me through this gas station that I often pass during my commute. It is owned by Christians. They play the local Christian radio station at the pumps and post cheerful little sayings on their sign. Generally, I am the kind of curmudgeon who scoffs at trite signs and bumper stickers, but this time I kept looking back at the sign as I pumped gas.

If umbrellas had been around when Elijah was praying for rain (1 Kings 18), then I bet he would have carried one. Do I have that kind of faith in God hearing and receiving my prayers? I would like to say yes, but I know that in situations where I have prayed for a long time about something, I'm often tempted to leave that proverbial umbrella behind.

There are two passages from the Psalms that I have been meditating upon recently, both of which express more eloquently the faith that this gas station sign is trying to express:

I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the LORD. (Psalm 27:13-14 NASB)

The LORD has heard my supplication, the LORD receives my prayer. (Psalm 6:9 NASB)

May these Scriptures refresh your faith today!

Hearing Voices

Sometimes it's painfully obvious when God is redirecting your schedule. Last night was such a time.

I had come home early, very tired, but with a full schedule of tasks for the evening. I opened my computer, saw the email about the latest Boundless articles, and clicked through to read the first piece, Kamikaze At My Back. It was a highly descriptive piece about living with depression and the fear of mental illness. I appreciated the vivid imagery and the writer's craft. Then I noticed a link to a related article about helping your suicidal friend. Out of curiosity, I clicked through and read the piece.

A few minutes later, a new and urgent email popped into my inbox. A mutual friend was letting me know that another woman was struggling with suicidal thoughts and was being advised to check into a psychiatric hospital. Could anyone take her?

Ummm....I guess I know who is supposed to go.

When I picked up my friend, she was lucid, relatively light-hearted, packed, and ready to go. We talked and prayed on the way over to the hospital. She seemed anything but suicidal to me. So, knowing her decades-long struggle with mental illness, I asked why she and her doctor thought it was serious enough to go to the hospital. She said the voices were telling her bad things, telling her to take her life. So we talked about God's truth and how to wield the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. Doing battle with Scripture can simply be repeating aloud what you've gleaned from the Bible in order to preach to yourself and fill your own ears with truth. She has grown in this spiritual discipline and I could see it from the last time she was hospitalized. I couldn't offer any insight into her medical status or treatment history, but I could remind her of God's steadfast love and offer her evidences of His grace in her life that I could observe and reflect back to her. In her perseverance, she is bringing glory to God.

When we got to the hospital, I was allowed to accompany her to her in-take interview. It was an interesting experience. This staff member then left us in the tiny interview room with the door open. During our wait, I kept pointing out to her the progress she has made in trusting God. I was concerned that she might be identifying more with the label of mental illness than her status as a child of God--which would be understandabe in her present circumstance.

Then I reached in my purse and felt the gooey presence of leaking lip gloss. Without missing a beat, I began to take everything out of my purse and clean it off, lining everything up neatly on the chair next to me. As I did so, we started talking about how God speaks to each of us and how we recognize His voice among our many thoughts. Still wiping and sorting, I suddenly burst into laughter. I realized that if anyone overheard our conversation and walked in to see my purse-cleaning display, they might wonder who was the prospective patient. Fortunately, my friend saw the humor in that, too, and laughed along with me. It was a good sign. We hugged goodbye when the nurse came to take her to her unit and I reminded her that many friends would be praying for her in the coming days.

On the way home, I began to think about the fine line that separates our perception of normal and abnormal. How do you sort out the voice of sin's temptation? The voice of the Enemy who accuses and condemns? The voice of the Holy Spirit who convicts us of sin, but does so redemptively? The Word of God helps us to judge our thoughts by the plumb line of Scripture, spotlighting truth and uncovering lies. But to those without faith in the living God, who have no Bible knowledge, how would they evaluate such a conversation as we had in that tiny room at the hospital? Hearing any other voice than your own is the stuff of delusions in a medical model.

Yet, we who follow Jesus know His voice--the Lord promised that we would. The voice that speaks of destruction is the voice of the one who comes to "steal and kill and destroy." The voice that speaks of life and abundance is the voice of the Good Shepherd.

"Truly, truly, I say to you, he who does not enter the sheepfold by the door but climbs in by another way, that man is a thief and a robber. But he who enters by the door is the shepherd of the sheep. To him the gatekeeper opens. The sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes before them, and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice. A stranger they will not follow, but they will flee from him, for they do not know the voice of strangers." This figure of speech Jesus used with them, but they did not understand what he was saying to them.

So Jesus again said to them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, I am the door of the sheep. All who came before me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not listen to them. I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. He who is a hired hand and not a shepherd, who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. He flees because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep. I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep. And I have other sheep that are not of this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice. So there will be one flock, one shepherd. (John 10:1-16)

I walked away from my friend last night, confident that I would see her again. My confidence does not spring from the fact that she was now hospitalized, however. My confidence is in the Good Shepherd who laid down His life for this sheep, removing the penalty of sin and offering His unblemished righteousness. When her Redeemer speaks, I know she will hear Him. For now, it is a battle to tune out the one who seeks to kill and destroy. But the Good Shepherd has rescued her time and again. I know He will continue to speak to her and lead her out in the way of life everlasting.

(Photo courtesy of Aschwin Prein.)

Finding the Love in 'No'

Awhile ago, I was driving around doing Saturday errands and talking to God in my car. Aloud. That's where we have many conversations, especially the ones where I'm pouring out my soul to Him and attempting to cast my cares upon Him. (I used to think I looked like a crazy woman doing this, but now that everyone goes about talking to themselves, people probably just assume I'm on the phone.)

In this particular case, I had been talking to God about something I thought would be good for me. I had reiterated, for probably the 10th time that day, that I wanted to trust Him with the answer. Then I turned on the radio, which was tuned to a Christian talk show. I don't know who was speaking or even which show it was. But it was a show for singles and the host couple was talking about when God says no. They were urging singles to remember that God always says no in love. His answers are literally rooted in love and overflow from love.

That was when I began to get a sinking feeling. Why, in the timing of the Lord, did I happen to turn on the radio at this point? But I continued to listen.

The man went on to explain that if the Bible says that even selfish and sinful people give good gifts to their children when asked (Matthew 7:11), then we can trust the responses that God, a sinless being, gives. Every one of God's "no" answers are based in His supreme love. The analogy this host gave was that his children often ask him for unwise things, like wanting to eat candy all day. Knowing that this is actually harmful to them, he would say no. He says no because he loves them and doesn't want their cravings to ruin them. His answer is rooted in love.

Therefore, it won't surprise anybody that the answer to the issue I was presenting to the Lord became an apparent "no," even by the next day. But I wasn't unduly distraught by this. Discouragement did loom, of course, but I battled it by stating and restating biblical truth to myself: "This 'no' is rooted in love. It is answered in love. It proceeds from love. It is an evidence of God's love for me." I believe that even the fact I heard this show was an evidence of love, for surely it was merciful of God to provide this truth at the time He did.

"If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" Thus, the answers to our petitions are what the Father calls "good things." May we live as though we believe it.

The Suffering Servant

A good friend of mine is undergoing serious surgery today, and I am understandably distracted in my concern for her. She is the subject of many prayers as she is deeply loved by many.

Her suffering is inexplicable in many ways, but I can testify that God has been using it. One of the most obvious fruits in her life is that she is not identified by her suffering, but rather by her passion for Christ. In fact, sometimes I have to remind myself that she is indeed seriously sick for she does not wear her illness as a badge. Even as she has been in the hospital, she has been thinking about the details of an Easter outreach that she was administrating.

As we pray today, on Good Friday, we are praying to One who has known far more suffering and injustice. Jesus suffered incredible physical torture while being flogged and hung on the cross, nailed through fragile appendages and left to suffocate by the weight of His own body. But that must have paled in comparison to bearing the just punishment from the Father for the sins of those He came to save. The cross is the answer to that question we whisper in the dark night of the soul--"Why, God?" The cross is our justice for the grievous ways we've been sinned against, for God is not an unjust God. Sin will be punished: either it will be visited upon a Savior who was our sinless substitute, or it will be visited upon those who committed the sin. Since we have all sinned and fall short of God's perfect standard, the cross is our glorious and divine rescue. What we could not atone for on our own has been paid for by our Lord Jesus Christ, for those who repent and trust Him for this awesome gift. Because mercy triumphs at the cross, it is also our greatest hope--especially in times of great trials or suffering.

That is my attempt to articulate the reason we celebrate Good Friday and why my friend can be joyful in the midst of tremendous suffering. But I've never found a more heart-wrenching portrait than that found in When God Weeps by Joni Eareckson Tada and Steven Estes. The first time I heard these words, they were read aloud in a sermon by my pastor, C.J. Mahaney. No one was dry-eyed by the end. It is a powerful recounting of what Scripture teaches us. For those of you who know the profound truth of this scene, may you rejoice this Easter weekend in what has been done on your behalf. And if you are suffering, may this account refresh your faith. If, however, you have not yet put your trust in this divine exchange and repented of the sins that separate you from God, I pray that the Lord will open your eyes and heart this Easter weekend, just as He did unexpectedly for me one Easter several years ago.

The Savior was now thrown to men quite different fom the eleven. The face that Moses had begged to see--was forbidden to see--was slapped bloody (Exodus 33:19-20). The thorns that God had sent to curse the earth's rebellion now twisted around his own brow. His back, buttocks, and the rear of his legs felt the whip--soon they looked like the plowed Judean fields outside the city. . . .

"On your back with you!" One raises a mallet to sink in the spike. But the soldier's heart must continue pumping as he readies the prisoner's wrist. Someone must sustain the soldier's life minute by minute, for no man has this power on his own. Who supplies breath to his lungs? Who gives energy to his cells? Who holds his molecules together? Only by the Son do "all things hold together" (Colossians 1:17). The victim wills that the soldier live on--he grants the warrior's continued existence. The man swings. . . .

But these pains are a mere warm-up to his other and growing dread. He begins to feel a foreign sensation. Somewhere during this day an unearthly foul odor began to waft, not around his nose, but his heart. He feels dirty. Human wickedness starts to crawl upon his spotless being--the living excrement from our souls. The apple of his Father's eye turns brown with rot.

His Father! He must face his Father like this!

From heaven the Father now rouses himself like a lion disturbed, shakes his mane, and roars against the shriveling remnant of a man hanging on a cross. Never has the Son seen the Father look at him so, never felt even the least of his hot breath. But the roar shakes the unseen world and darkens the visible sky. The Son does not recognize these eyes.

"Son of Man! Why have you behaved so? You have cheated, lusted, stolen, gossiped--murdered, envied, hated, lied. You have cursed, robbed, overspent, overeaten--fornicated, disobeyed, embezzled, and blasphemed. Oh, the duties you have shirked, the children you have abandoned! Who has ever so ignored the poor, so played the coward, so belittled my name? Have you ever held your razor tongue? What a self-righteous, pitiful drunk--you, who molest young boys, peddle killer drugs, travel in cliques, and mock your parents. Who gave you the boldness to rig elections, foment revolutions, torture animals, and worship demons? Does the list never end! Splitting families, raping virgins, acting smugly, playing the pimp--buying politicians, practicing extortion, filming pornography, accepting bribes. You have burned down buildings, perfected terrorist tactics, founded false religions, traded in slaves--relishing each morsel and bragging about it all. I hate, I loathe these things in you! Disgust for everything about you consumes me! Can you not feel my wrath?"

The Father watches as his heart's treasure, the mirror-image of himself, sinks drowning into raw, liquid sin. Jehovah's stored rage against humankind from every century explodes in a single direction.

"Father! Father! Why have you forsaken me?!"

But heaven stops its ears. The Son stares up at the One who cannot, who will not, reach down or reply. Two eternal hearts tear--their intimate friendship shaken to the depths.

The Trinity had planned it. The Son endured it. The Spirit enabled him. The Father rejected the Son whom he loved. Jesus, the God-man from Nazareth, perished. The Father accepted his sacrifice for sin and was satisfied. The Rescue was accomplished. . . .

This is who asks us to trust him when he calls on us to suffer.

Insecure About Your Crush/Boyfriend/Husband?

Boundless is running a painful Q&A this week from John Thomas. By "painful," I mean the kind of column that makes you go "ouch" because of his sharp insight. Called "Misplaced Trust," this column addresses the question of a woman who feels insecure around her new boyfriend, wondering how to guard herself from being hurt again while opening up enough to let him in.

John's answer is spot on. Here's a taste:

We could talk about your past experiences and how they influence your framework for relationships now, but I just don't think that's really the problem for most of us. I am more convinced than ever that our insecurities have less to do with our past experiences with people and much more to do with our current view of God.

Here's what I mean. You say that your hurt from a previous relationship caused you to have a general distrust towards men. I'm sure there is truth to that, but here's what I think is really going on: that it's not men you generally distrust, but God.

What many of us do, even those of us who are serious Christians, is give to other humans the level of trust that can only be reserved for God, and give God the level of trust that would be about appropriate for humans. We flip-flop our trusts, and when we do that, we are setting ourselves up for a big-time disappointment.

Read the rest of his counsel in this week's Boundless Answers.

Turning Godward In Trials

I'll be honest--except for the trial of prolonged singleness, I've not suffered very much in my life. Yet. Who knows what the future holds. But as for the present, yes, there is some aspect of suffering. Though singleness is a grace gift (1 Cor 7), that doesn't mean singleness is a bed of roses. Every gift has its refining moments. Even Paul suffered as an apostle and a single man, but that doesn't negate the grace given to him or the good purpose of God's plan for his life. Or for your life. Or for mine.

So how do you lead your life when you are experiencing trials in those circumstances? I think it's important to understand what Scripture says:

Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches. Was anyone at the time of his call already circumcised? Let him not seek to remove the marks of circumcision. Was anyone at the time of his call uncircumcised? Let him not seek circumcision. For neither circumcision counts for anything nor uncircumcision, but keeping the commandments of God. Each one should remain in the condition in which he was called. Were you a slave when called? Do not be concerned about it. But if you can gain your freedom, avail yourself of the opportunity. For he who was called in the Lord as a slave is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise he who was free when called is a slave of Christ. You were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men. So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God. (1 Corinthians 7:17-24).

A few weeks ago, Robin Boisvert, a pastor in my church, preached on this passage. The message was titled "Leading the Life the Lord Allotted." As Robin stated, what ultimately defines us is not our station in life, but our relationship to Christ. When God saves you, he transforms those circumstances into opportunities for the Gospel to move and to change people. (This does not mean our circumstances won't change or improve. It just means that we need God's perspective to properly view our current circumstances.) This is a refreshing message for anyone who thinks that their life would vastly improve if only something would change.

I have huge respect for those who walk through significant trials but who can still praise God for these disappointments or challenges. I recently watched a short video in wonder as a wife praised her husband for the way he has led their family through exceptionally difficult health crises. Her story starts with the happy news of how she was engaged during her senior year of college. But a month before her wedding, she was diagnosed with a serious autoimmune disorder. This is never in the picture when we daydream about a wedding, is it? Yet, this is only the beginning of the story. Let me say that after I finished this video, I thought to myself, I want to be like this woman one day. I don't mean that I want to endure her trials. I just want to exhibit faith like she does. But I suspect the two go hand-in-hand. That would certainly be the testimony of those Christians who have lived before us. I would encourage you to take a few moments to watch as Mrs. Jeff Hutchison praises her husband for leading their family so well. (This was a tribute video played at The Summit conference for men, a regional Sovereign Grace Ministries conference held in 2006. There are more tribute videos and messages from this conference available online.)

Finally, I received many emails following the Valentine's Day testimony I posted last month from a young woman whose intended fiance is in a coma. For anyone interested in an update, Ian's family is building an addition to bring him home even though there hasn't been a huge amount of progress. If the Lord puts it on your heart to invest in this venture, you can send a check made out to Lord of Life Church, with a notation in the memo for the Ian Murphy Fund. You can mail them to Lord of Life Church, 1220 Wayne Ave., Indiana, PA 15701. Thanks for your interest and prayers for Ian Murphy.

God's Grace and Your Sufferings

Last night in discipleship group, we spent a lot of time praying. The women in this group and those they know and love are suffering various trials. In God's loving providence, the topic that night was about how to wisely evaluate and process our emotions. With trials, emotions are amplified. When our situations and our emotions threaten to engulf us, we need to draw on a reservoir of God's truth that we've deposited in less difficult seasons. As I've often heard from the pulpit, the time to prepare for loss or suffering is before, not during, difficulties.

For that reason, I am recommending Suffering and the Sovereignty of God. This was originally a national conference hosted by Desiring God. Those messages were then turned into a book by the same name. In my recent devotions, I've been reading David Powlison's chapter, titled "God's Grace and Your Suffering." In this chapter, Dr. Powlison unpacks what this process looks like. Here's how he introduces a biblical panorama on suffering:

How does God meeting you in trouble, loss, disability, and pain? You probably already know the "right answer." He does not immediately intervene to make everything all better. Yet he continually intervenes, according to his gracious purposes, working both in you and in what afflicts you. If you've read Psalms, if you've heard a sermon on the second half of Romans 8, if you've worked through 1 Peter in a Bible study, if you've read the earlier chapters of this book, then you've got the gist already.

How does God's grace engage your sufferings? We may know the right answer. And yet we don't know it. It is a hard answer. But we make it sound like a pat answer. God sets about a long slow answering. But we try to make it a quick fix. His answer insists on being lived out over time and into the particulars. We act as if just saying the right words makes it so. God's answer insists on changing you into a different kind of person. But we act as if some truth, principle, strategy, or perspective might simply be incorporated into who we already are. God personalizes his answer on hearts with uncanny flexibility. But we turn it into a formula: "If you just believe _____. If you just do _____. If you just remember ____." No important truth ever contains the word "just" in the punch line.

How does God's grace meet you in your sufferings? We can make the right answer sound old hat, but I can guarantee this: God will surprise you. He will make you stop. You will struggle. He will bring you up short. You will hurt. He will take his time. You will grow in faith and in love. He will deeply delight you. You will find the process harder than you ever imagined--and better. Goodness and mercy will follow you all the days of your life (Ps. 23:6). No matter how many times you've heard it, no matter how long you've known it, no matter how well you can say it, God's answer will come to mean something better than you could ever imagine.

I highlighted two sentences in there that I think are priceless for processing our trials: "God's answer insists on changing you into a different kind of person. But we act as if some truth, principle, strategy, or perspective might simply be incorporated into who we already are." That concept can really rock our world. God is changing us, but we typically just want relief.

That also gives us a perspective for helping others in their dark circumstances. I often think how the only thing Job's friends got right was when they sat in silence with him. David Powlison also addresses how "Job's friends" and even well-meaning friends can make our suffering even more pronounced:

Suffering often brings a doubled pain. in the first place, there is "the problem" itself--sickness, poverty, betrayal, bereavement. That is hard enough . . . But it is often compounded by a second problem. Other people, even well-meaning, often don't respond very well to sufferers. Sufferers are often misunderstood, or meddled with, or ignored. These reactions add relational and psychological isolation to "the problem" . . .

Here is another way this happens. People who love you often focus exclusively on "the problem." They ask about "the problem." They pray that God would solve "the problem." They offer advice for solving "the problem." They care for you! These are well-meaning attempts to be helpful. But the effect can become unkind. For example, many significant sufferings have no remedy until the day when all tears are wiped away. Your disease or disability is incurable. The injustice will not be remedied in your lifetime. Your loved one is dead. The marriage is over. The money is gone. There may be partial helps along the way. There may be partial redemptions. There will be no fix. Often the biggest problem for any sufferer is not "the problem." It is the spiritual challenge the problem presents: "How are you doing in the midst of what you are going through? What are you learning? Where are you failing? Where do you need encouragement? Will you learn to live well and wisely within pain, limitation, weakness, and loss? Will suffering define you? Will faith and love grow, or will you shrivel up?" These are life-and-death issues--more important than "the problem" in the final analysis. They take asking, thinking, listening, responding. They take time. Other people are often clumsy and uncomprehending about the most important things, while pouring energy and love into solving what is often insoluble.

This week, we will look at suffering from many different angles. Whether your circumstances today are dark or bright, now is the time to develop a solid understanding of God's redemptive purposes in suffering. I highly recommend Suffering and the Sovereignty of God to you. You can listen to or freely download the messages from Desiring God (thanks to their extraordinary generosity) or you can purchase the book. Or both. This resource will equip you to process your own circumstances and to minister to others who suffer.

Laughing at the Future

The travels continue! I'm headed today to Raleigh for a speaking engagement at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. I have the pleasure of speaking to the women's ministry class there--and they may even sneak me into a systematic theology lecture this afternoon. Can't wait to attend my first seminary class!

In the meantime, Crosswalk.com is carrying an excerpt from my book, titled "Laughing at the Future." Here's how it starts, with a link to the rest of the article. I pray it will be an encouragement to you today.

Laughing at the Future

Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. — Proverbs 31:25

I’ve always liked the sentiment of a popular wedding song, “Grow Old with Me.” The opening lines are, “Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be.” Though I was generally aware that the opening lyrics were from a poem, I had not read the full poem until recently. Now I understand why the song’s lyrics stop short of Robert Browning’s complete thought in the first stanza:

Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be,
The last of life, for which the first was made:
Our times are in his hand
Who saith, “A whole I planned,
Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, nor be afraid!”

Without the acknowledgement of God’s loving providence for our lives, we just have the sweet, vaguely hopeful sentiment of the first two lines. But in the third line, the poet throws open the doors and ushers truth into the midst of the frilly emotion – God has planned a whole life, of which youth is only a part. Our times are in His hands and He is fully worthy of our trust. There’s nothing random about our futures.

Jim Elliot once said, “Wherever you are, be all there.” Be all there. That can seem like bumper-sticker wisdom – intriguing, but ultimately without much depth. However, when you consider Jim’s brief 28 years and his demise as a martyred missionary to the Auca Indians of Ecuador, this sentence resonates with godly truth. Wherever you find yourself in God’s sovereign plan for your life, be all there. We never know how much time we have, but we can be fully engaged in each day we have – living life with an eye toward the eternal.

No doubt we all know women who live like grayed-out software functions – visible, but not completely accessible. We are probably like that at different times, too. Despondency drains us of vibrant colors and energy, leaving a dotted-line impression behind. During those times, we are a far cry from the loud boldness of the woman clothed in strength and dignity who can laugh at the days to come.

Why don’t we smile at our futures? I think it’s because we view that time with the vague dread of a blind date – we’re unsure of whom we’ve committed this time to, where we’re going, and whether we’re going to like this time together. But I think we’d have a big smile on our faces if we viewed our futures with the happy idea of a honeymoon – anticipating uninterrupted time with the one we love in a beautiful setting. Surely this is what we will experience in eternity, and we will have foretastes of this joy throughout all of our years on earth. 

Have you ever noticed how many times the Bible records the faithless reactions of God’s people to their uncertain futures, and how many times God tells them to recount His faithfulness in the past to them? As John Piper says, this is because “past grace is God’s down payment on the fullness of future grace.” [Read the rest of the article on Crosswalk.]

A Valentine's Day Testimony

There's nothing quite like that season of romance just as marriage seems to be on the horizon. So many hopes, so many dreams, all bound up in a future yet to unfurl. But sometimes there are trials of faith to be found in that season, too. So today, in honor of Valentine's Day, I'm posting a moving testimony from a young woman who is trusting God for her "pre-fiance" and their future together.

Long-time readers may remember my blog posts last year about a video series titled "Drowning Melville." It was the brainchild of David Altrogge (who played Rudy McWilliams) and Ian Murphy (who played Tom Sanders). Together they wrote, produced, and starred in these hilarious videos. David is a friend and colleague of mine, but I only had the privilege of meeting Ian once. Nevertheless, I pray for him now on a regular basis. Here is Larissa Whiteley's story about Ian:

I met Ian almost two years ago when we were sophomores in college. At first, we both thought each other to be extremely annoying. He was too quick to give his opinion and I acted too much like a tough girl.

But the more time we spent together, the more I was attracted to him. I began discovering that I loved his strong opinions on everything and loved that he could make everyone laugh. I loved that time with him was never boring, that he had a great sense of style, he owned work boots and he listened to jazz music.

Those were just the fun things about Ian. What attracted me the most was his deep love for God and desire to glorify Him. Ian’s faith to me seemed unshakable. He was not afraid to point people to the cross or challenge them in their beliefs. I was not a Christian when we became friends but Ian took such an interest in teaching me about God and the church. I learned more through Ian in our first few months of friendship than I had from anyone else my entire life. Ian and I had many tough conversations where he was pointing out sin in my life, sin that I had been blind to. But he did it in such a way that I knew that glorifying God was his heart’s deepest desire. His question to challenging me was always, “What are you believing about God right now?”

So here is this great guy who was not only daily pointing me to Christ but also embodied everything that I ever wanted in a husband. There was just one problem--I completely denied to everyone and myself that I liked him. I knew that he was waiting to date until he was ready for marriage and in no way did I think that he would ever consider me to be wife material.

Little did I know that Ian was beginning to love the gentler heart that God was cultivating in me along with my sometimes inappropriate ability to stay serious. Ian said he was able to see Christ at work in me and was able to see all that changed in my heart since my salvation, which occurred during the time we were friends. He also claimed that he laughed 97% more when he was with me and said that he’d just be bored without me. After conversations with his parents about dating me, the timing was finally right and on November 30, 2005, he asked me to dinner.

Then began what became more than a year of laughing and growing with my best friend. And throughout that year we realized that we probably shouldn’t try to make it through life without each other.

Around August of this past year when we returned from our summer internships, Ian began having serious conversations with his dad about the logistics of pursuing marriage. He had known for awhile that I was “the one,” and now it was down to the timing. We both were working two jobs to save money, and Ian was working especially hard, as I found out later, so that he could buy me a ring. Our biggest struggle in thinking about marriage was trying to figure out the when it could all happen. In my mind, the first of the year made the most sense since we would both graduate college in December.

September 30 changed all of our plans.

That morning while Ian was on his way to work, he collided head-on with an SUV. He was life-flighted to a Pittsburgh hospital where he immediately went into surgery. For several hours, we didn’t know how severe the accident was or why he was in surgery. But we soon received what seemed to be the worst possible news. Ian had suffered severe head injury. The following 48 hours would determine whether he would live or not.

My life as I knew it was gone.

For the next three days, we were updated on Ian’s numerous injuries and were given more and more discouraging reports on Ian’s condition. We were told that his brain was dying. He was failing three of five brain activity tests. We talked with organ donation people and even contacted the funeral home. Ian was given days or hours to live--we just had to wait. Brain death was imminent.

But our faithful God answered three days of pleading for mercy and healing. Tuesday night his brain began responding and he started to move his arm and leg. Wednesday morning we were told Ian was “over the hump.” Brain death was no longer imminent. God delivered Ian from the valley of death.

It has been four months now since the accident, and Ian is in The Children’s Institute in Pittsburgh, where he participates in several forms of therapy. He is still in a coma. Apart from a miracle, this will continue to be a long and challenging process of recovery. But Ian is alive.

I don’t know the outcome of this. I don’t know if Ian will be the same person when he wakes up, if he wakes up. I don’t know if we can get married. But I do know that God’s strength has kept me here and will continue to keep me here, until he shows me otherwise.

When I look back at the past four months, I can’t believe that we’ve made it. And I can’t even begin to put into words all that God has done for us. I can’t look at this trial without seeing God’s hand in its design and His grace in sustaining us. While it’s not what I would choose for Ian, myself or his family, I believe that God will continue to use this for our good.

Even though I can’t see my future as clearly as I thought I could before, my affection for and devotion to Ian has not changed. Our relationship is now constrained to a hospital room, our dates are now him sleeping through the movie instead of me, and our conversations are more one-sided than ever! But I have never felt like I don’t have a boyfriend or struggled in my thoughts to stay faithful to this relationship. I still stand by the thought that anyone facing this situation would do the same thing. To me it’s easy--it’s just Ian. God has blessed me with a deep love for Ian and he continues to pour out strength so that I can continue through this affliction. And while my role as a girlfriend has changed, I’m still his girlfriend. If I were the one in a coma, Ian would never leave my side either.

More than my affection for him as a boyfriend, though, is my love for him as my best friend and brother in Christ. I have been called to serve Ian. And while I miss serving him in the ways I used to, like making him dinner or being his daily planner, I have been called to pray for him, talk to him, and just be near to him. There’s no place I’d rather be than sitting next to his bed.

Some days are harder than others. Like the days I am keenly aware that I haven’t heard Ian’s voice or laughed with him in four months. And then there are the days where I see that Ian is clearly in pain, but he can’t tell me and he can’t fix it himself. I don’t know where Ian’s mind has been since the accident. I’ve struggled with feeling guilty if I enjoy a big meal or do something fun. Ian’s mom wisely told me once that we must believe that Ian is someplace far better than we can imagine. God has been very gracious in protecting my heart and mind from focusing too much on the pain that Ian is enduring now. In moments that I do think about it though, I must turn to Jesus, knowing that only He knows exactly what pain Ian is feeling and knows exactly what he needs to be comforted.

While God tells us to ask for the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37:4), I’ve often found that my reason for wanting Ian to wake up is so that we can get married and I can have him back. But my motivation in prayer should be for God to be glorified, no matter how that affects my personal life. I am challenged daily to remember that whatever God has for my future and for Ian’s future is good and is exactly what we need, even if it’s not a future together. His love for us has not changed. He has met our greatest need through Jesus dying on the cross for our sins, and anything this side of heaven is a gift of His mercy.

To guard my heart, I’ve found that I cannot try to plan out my future. If I picture Ian and I together and spend hours daydreaming the exact details of our wedding, I am not trusting that whatever God has is best. But if I think about Ian not being in my future, I’m giving up hope that God can completely restore him. I must control my thoughts every day, while continuing to pray that if it’s God’s will, we can spend our lives together.

I’m learning daily that only God can ever satisfy me and ever comfort me. I feel so lonely sometimes without Ian. But if I’m looking away from God, I will always feel lonely, even if Ian comes back. Only God is accessible to me every second of every day. We don’t have to balance schedules to meet or wait until a certain hour to talk. Only God can give me exactly what I need, when I need it. Only God’s word can comfort my soul and can never fail me. While God blesses me with relationships within the church, I have learned that before seeking my friends, I must first bear my heart to God and ask Him to fill me with His grace.

This is definitely a sad time of my life and every morning I must ask God for abundant grace. Ian missed our one-year anniversary, our college graduation, and Christmas. But through God’s strength, we are able to keep pressing on, for this is what God has for us. I cannot do this on my own but God is so faithful--His strength is made perfect in my weakness. (2 Cor. 12:9) Weariness is not an excuse for me to sin. I can often hear Ian’s voice in my head saying, “What are you believing about God right now?” God promises to deliver us, whether it is on earth or in heaven, and I am awaiting that day (Psalm 34:19).

I will continue to pray that God completely restores Ian and brings him home to us. I hope that He is weaving together a beautiful love story for us. But I must respond in submission and believe that whatever God has for me and for Ian is best, because He is my king.

Larissa posts regularly on the blog that the Murphys have created to update all those who are praying for Ian's recovery. If you would also like to pray for Ian and build your faith about how God answers prayers, please visit Ian's blog. Then go love on all those God has put in your life today. No one knows the future except the One who saved us for it.

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Providence, Compassion, Initiative

It's not Friday, but I'm still going to alert you to a free series at Capitol Hill Baptist from Mark Dever, based on every single woman's favorite book of the Bible, the book of Ruth. The first time I heard Mark preach an overview of this book, I was radically affected by his emphasis on the quiet providence of God. I went on to steal--with his permission--the best of his ideas for one chapter of my book. Now he is teaching a more extended series on Ruth. I don't know how long it is planned to go, but I am assuming there is at least one more sermon coming--on the closing chapter of Ruth. The first three messages in this series are titled "Providence (Ruth1)", "Compassion (Ruth 2)," and "Initiative (Ruth 3)." I highly recommend this series and eagerly await the next message. You can download them from Capitol Hill's audio site.

While you are visiting that site, make sure to check out this mock birthday tribute that is absolutely hilarious and relentlessly self-absorbed. It's in honor of Kasey Culp, an administrative assistant at Capitol Hill Baptist. You don't have to know Kasey to find it amusing--she's hardly mentioned in it, anyway, which is why it is so funny. It's a great way to make you smile on a Monday!