Radical Womanhood

You Are the Man

I didn't grow up with any natural brothers, but the Lord has provided for me in the church. I am blessed to have many good friendships with men who are the brothers I never had. Many of them are in their 20s, just like the man who wrote this week's letter to Boundless, "Becoming a Man." I am a female sounding board and cheerleader to them, an odd kaleidoscope of big sister/aunt/stepmother roles.

The man who wrote John Thomas at Boundless asked this question: "I am NOT unsure of my role but AM unsure if I am even capable of fulfilling it yet. You (Boundless) and Mohler and the Bible define the WHAT nicely ... the HOW is what I'm after." This is a frequent topic with my guy friends. So for what it's worth, here are some ways my female friends and I appreciate single men growing in their masculinity. I hope the practical application will serve to supplement this discussion and provide encouragement to the men who drop by this blog.

1. Process Evites: Women are natural social planners, so this is tip is golden. By this I mean when you receive a social invitation, respond. Make a decision about the event in a timely way, communicate that decision, and keep your word. There is a lie about singleness that says we can do whatever we want, whenever we want. We are merely unmarried, not indolent or trifling. Marriage forces everyone to communicate, make plans, and keep commitments. But why wait until marriage to develop reliability and responsiveness? A man who communicates and keeps his promise is a BIG draw!

2. Issue Evites: Better than responding to a plan is to make a plan. Women love it when men initiate social events, especially when they do it to serve a group of friends and not just because they are trying to get to know one particular woman. When men take seriously the spiritual and social "health" of their small groups, singles ministry, or other relationship networks and lead the group into deeper fellowship, it is very attractive to the watching women. This takes planning, which is seldom a strength attributed to single men, deservedly or not. Defy the stereotype!

3. Serve When It's Inconvenient: Masculinity is most appealing when a man's strength is used for the benefit of the weak or needy. That's why a man tenderly carrying a squalling infant is always a head-turner for women. Single men can grow in servant-leadership by volunteering in the children's ministry, elder-care ministry, prison ministry, homeless ministry or other areas where service is not glamorous and gratitude is not often expressed. Or, when hearing about a need in someone else's life, by stepping up and volunteering to fill it and leading others to join that effort.

4. Think Long Term: My father started the college funds of his three daughters before he even met my mother. Education was important to him and he knew he'd want to send his children to college if they would qualify. So he began to save for it even before it was a possibility. Because of his actions as a young, single man, I didn't have to go into debt for college--an amazing gift.

5. Be a Gentleman: Don't speak disparagingly of women or attempt to insult another man by putting down women ("you throw like a girl"). Let your words and actions showcase your understanding that women are co-heirs with you in Christ, equal in value, worth, and dignity.

6. Cultivate Godly Ambition: What is it that you want to risk for God? What burden has He put on your heart to further His kingdom, build His church, advance His gospel? Take steps to fulfill that plan and pray for a woman who will be your wife and helpmate in this area. An encouraging story: I have a friend who has prayed for years that Sovereign Grace Ministries would plant a church in Sydney, Australia. He wanted to be on that church-planting team, too, so he boldly traveled to the U.S. last year to present his hopes and ask for training and mentoring. He came for an unpaid internship, risking time and money. Along the way, he met a young American woman who has been praying for Australia for the last few years. They are newly married and relocated here now so he can attend our Pastors College. They hope to return to Sydney in the next few years to start that church. In offering this illustration, I don't mean to imply that only pastoral ambitions count--I know single men who have started businesses, bands, and events, among other things, that God has used to further His kingdom.

7. Be Accountable/Humble: It's at the top of nearly every woman's list--humility. It's at the top of nearly every father's list for a son-in-law. More importantly, it's what attracts God's attention (Isaiah 66:1-2). A man who is transparent about his sins and weaknesses with accountability partners, who seeks correction for himself and offers it mixed with mercy to others, who is vigilant for evidences of pride in his own heart, and who wants to fear God more than earn the approval of others--this is a man worthy of honor and respect.

Of course, these qualities aren't exclusive to men. But I hope I've provided some helpful perspective from a sister in the Lord who loves to encourage the leadership and masculinity of the single guys in her life.

UPDATE: Ted Slater from Boundless made a good suggestion--for the sake of the ladies, I should link to an article I wrote for Boundless titled, "Faith for the Man He'll Become." Here's the heart of this article:

Now take a look at the young men you know. Can you see them with eyes of faith? Like trees in springtime with an impressionistic haze of buds, the potential for growth is strongly evident but it's not yet fully realized.

So here's what I want to impart to you: There is a learning curve to a man's leadership as a husband and father. . .

(Photo: Mike and Sarah Pasalich at their wedding last month.)

Moving Advice

They say it takes one to know one. So when a guy is handing out valuable "guy tips," I pay attention. This bit of insight is courtesy of my friend and fellow blogger, Ben.

Advice for Women: Before You Marry a Guy . . .

. . . make a point of being around when he's helping someone in your church move. As in carrying boxes and furniture onto trucks and into a house. You won't learn everything, but you'll learn some pretty important things. Is he showing initiative to find out what's next or hanging around waiting for instructions? Does he find creative ways to use cargo dollies to move stuff more quickly and efficiently? Is he a quiet hard-working loner, a benevolent team-oriented organizer, or a loudmouth boss? Or is he really more like a stationary piece of furniture himself?

Here's the most important one: Does he always seem to be conveniently available but not quite on the business end of the couch when it's going up the stairs?

And by the way, try to act like you're not paying attention. Stay busy helping pack or clean the kitchen and sneak a peek every now and then. Otherwise he'll be picking his moments to try to impress you.

[This concludes today's public service announcement.]

The Appeal of Modesty

Alex and Brett Harris of The Rebelution gave women an unusual, but helpful, Valentine's Day gift in The Modesty Survey. I was traveling when everyone else in cyberspace found out about this, but with spring soon upon us, it's not too late to revisit the subject. For this project, Alex and Brett hosted an anonymous discussion between Christian guys and girls about modesty. Hundreds of girls contributed to the 148-question survey and more than 1,600 guys submitted more than 150,000 responses--including 25,000 text responses--over a 20-day period this past January.

The point of this survey is not to impose a set of self-righteous rules for women's clothing. Rather, it is to understand how the choices we make each day affect the men around us in their pursuit of holiness. Many men wrote poignantly and directly about the need for modesty among believing women:

(Age 24) Sisters in Christ, you really have no concept of the struggles that guys face on a daily basis. Please, please, please take a higher standard in the ways you dress. True, we men are responsible for our thoughts and actions before the Lord, but it is such a blessing when we know that we can spend time with our sisters in Christ, enjoying their fellowship without having to constantly be on guard against ungodly thoughts brought about by the inappropriate ways they sometimes dress. In 1 Corinthians 12 the apostle Paul presents believers as the members of one body - we have to work together. Every Christian has a special role to play in the body of Christ. That goal is to bring glory to the Savior through an obedient, unified body of believers - please don't hurt that unity by dressing in ways that may tempt your brothers in Christ to stumble.

(Age 23) There is one that is more in love with you than any man can ever be. You are incredibly valuable to Him, and you never need question His commitment to Him. He thinks you're beautiful in the morning without your makeup, and He'll think you're just as beautiful when you're 80. He is Christ. In you should treat Him with the loyalty and respect of a Husband. There is no need to attract a man to you - Christ will lead the right man to you. And when someone that loves you as much as Christ arranges a marriage, you may rest assured it will be far better than anything you could have done. You are His - be content there.

(Age 20) If I could only persuade you of one thing, it would be that God's ways are best. Our heavenly Father has our welfare in mind, and His commandments are not burdensome. Obedience is rarely easy (we men have our own battles to fight), but it is always blessed. I am convinced that a young woman who submits her heart to God in this area will experience blessing as a result. After reading this survey, some may decide to pursue modesty quite grudgingly, in order to avoid causing their brothers to stumble, but viewing it as a great personal sacrifice nonetheless. I can only hope that this is not how it is perceived by most of you. I hope you understand the value and significance of true modesty. And I hope you will not trade that blessing for a mess of pottage.

(Age 18) Sisters in Christ, we men in society have miserably failed at appreciating true womanhood. On behalf of every man out there who has painted a distorted picture in your life of what a real woman is, especially along the lines of modesty, I apologize deeply. There are many Godly men out there, as I'm sure this survey will prove, that are dying to give you their utmost respect when you choose to follow God's leading in this area of modesty in your life. We back you up all the way and want to do anything we can to help you. And we ask that you do all you can to help us as we struggle through this world of sin together.

(Age 26) In high school, the place of greatest temptation toward lust was my church. Girls wore things to church that they thought were fashionable and dressy, but they would not have passed the dress code at my public high school. Church should NEVER be a guy's greatest source of temptation, in any way. Please, be especially careful when picking out your dress clothes for church, and make sure they are modest when sitting and kneeling (if you kneel in church), not just standing in front of the mirror.

To read more, check out The Modesty Survey's results. Bonus: Alex and Brett have obtained permission to post C.J. Mahaney's pastoral message on the same topic, The Soul of Modesty. This is a must-have for your iPod!

The Quest

Last month, Covenant Fellowship Church of Glen Mills, PA, hosted a men's conference called The Quest: A Journey Through Biblical Masculinity. Regular readers might recall that I offered to live blog this event--out of purely altruistic motives, of course--but no one followed up on that incredibly selfless offer of service. Amazing, isn't it? But have no fear! The messages are now available online, and the ones I've heard so far are provoking and truth-soaked. Even watching the conference recap video is fun--in part because the photos reveal there must have been a lot of man-humor going on during that event. (What is up with that censored shot?!)

Some intriguing titles include "Why Honoring Women Is Essential to Being a Man" by Kenny Lynch; "Enduring Temptation" by Joshua Harris: "Finishing Well: The Call for Men with Gray Hair and Guts" by Mark Altrogge; and "The Perfect Man" by Dave Harvey. But the two messages I've listened to so far are the ones for single men--"The Pursuit! A Fresh Look at Courtship for Fathers, Singles, and Sons" by Bob Kauflin, and "For Single Men: Straight Talk on Friendship, Females, and Faith" by Andy Farmer.

Now you might wonder why I'm listening to these messages. Apart from the curiosity that stems from trying to understand the men I know, I also want to better understand the roles and responsibilities that God calls men to live out. I want to be able to support and encourage my brothers in Christ in their endeavors. But I also wanted to be able to point out some great resources to the guys who read my blog and ask me for materials for men. It's always my joy to present these treasures from men for men, and these are some real gems.

Bob and Andy's messages are packed with insights. Unfortunately, though, the beginning of Andy's message is cut off, so we're all missing about ten minutes of his wisdom. One point that stood out to me from Andy's message is the difference in the way men and women use conversation relationally. Women are builders when we talk. We are building relationships through our investments of time and revelations in conversation. But that's not always what men are doing, which is what leads to the disconnect that often occurs in male-female friendships. Women think men are building something, but men are just talking to us. In Bob's message, I appreciated how he encouraged men to put God's priorities for what is attractive above their own. Now, I'm not saying--and Bob's not saying--that this means physical attractiveness shouldn't count. It's more how to prioritize what is attractive. I also appreciated how he kept emphasizing the need for integrity in relationships and how it's important to enter into a courtship/dating relationship/season of discovery with some emotional brakes on, instead of going full speed ahead. As Bob said, "Don't allow your emotional attraction to be greater than your sense of God's will in this relationship."

Finally, last week Boundless ran an empathetic piece from Michael Lawrence titled "Real Men Risk Rejection." I hope it will encourage any man out there thinking about romantic pursuit. There's still time to surprise someone for Valentine's Day!

Faith for the Man He'll Become

This is a shout-out to all my younger sisters in Christ. Let's sit down and have a boy chat for a minute. There's something I've learned over time that I'd like to pass on to you.

We'll begin with your wedding dreams. How would you describe the man you want to marry? What would he be like as a husband, father, and provider?

If you've had numerous godly male role models in your life — your father, pastor, boss, family friend, uncle, small group leader — you may already have a mental picture based on the qualities you appreciate in these men. You may see some of the husbands and fathers in your church and think to yourself that you'd like to marry a man just like them. Those are great aspirations to have! But first you may need to talk to their wives.

Why? Because these women didn't marry the husbands they have today. Typically, they married less seasoned men. Thanks to the Holy Spirit's refinements over time, as well as the feminine counsel, influence, and encouragement of these wives, their husbands are different some 20-plus years down the line.

Now take a look at the young men you know. Can you see them with eyes of faith? Like trees in springtime with an impressionistic haze of buds, the potential for growth is strongly evident but it's not yet fully realized.

So here's what I want to impart to you: There is a learning curve to a man's leadership as a husband and father. The qualities you can see in a 50-year-old man's life were developed over 50 years. There are 25 more years of growth ahead for the 25-year-old man before it's fair to compare them. While you are called to be discerning about the characters of the men you befriend or court/date, you also have a part in encouraging these men to grow. In fact, that's part of your learning curve as you prepare for being a wife.

What am I talking about? Let's look at two examples.

A Trajectory

One day, my friend Kyle announced an important revelation: "I recently realized that I've been looking for a girlfriend, instead of a wife. I've been presuming on marriage, instead of preparing for it."

Now 23, Kyle had always assumed that one day he'd get married. But he wasn't intentionally preparing for his role in a God-glorifying marriage. Instead, he found he had a pattern of presuming upon his interest in a specific woman (before courtship), instead of preparing himself to lead and serve a wife. Kyle found he would prematurely invest in that friendship and take steps to grow toward this woman, instead of taking steps to grow toward God while holding his interest and hopes loosely.

This insight came about as he studied the Bible and talked with other men about what masculinity looks like in the Scriptures. Now he is taking steps to help him achieve his long-term goals of a godly marriage and family.

[Read the rest of the article on Boundless.org.]

Male and Female: Celebrating the Difference

Today I'd like to invite you to leave my blog. Yes, leave my blog and go get some outstanding resources elsewhere on the Web.

First, one of the best messages you will ever hear explaining a biblical view of manhood and womanhood is now being offered as a free download. It won't last long, so click over right now to download Dr. Wayne Grudem's stellar message from New Attitude 2004 conference titled, "Men and Women: Similarities and Differences." I'm serious. Not only is a world-class theologian giving this message, Dr. Grudem includes a personal testimony of how he applied these ideas in his own marriage. If you've ever wondered what it looks like in real life for a husband to love his wife as Christ loves the church, then listen to this message. When he gave it at New Attitude, Dr. Grudem ran long. As in, he cut into our lunchtime. But did people bolt for the door when he was done? Absolutely not. This group of young adults stood up and gave him a standing ovation. It was that good.

What? Are you still here reading? Didn't you click away yet? Well, if not, that's okay. I have another good resource to mention. This one is for single mothers raising sons--and for any single men lurking on this blog. It's how C.J. and Carolyn Mahaney are training their teenage son in what it means to be a man. Now, if you're a grown man, you might be tempted to dismiss my recommendation because you are long out of your teen years. But I bet you would still find some very challenging ideas there.

One of my favorite excerpts in the series is this one about chivalry:

Chivalry may be disregarded in our culture, but it receives ongoing attention in our home. That’s because one way to show oneself a man is to be courteous and considerate toward women.

With a mom and three sisters, Chad gets oodles of opportunities to practice chivalrous behavior. And I must say he displays consistent courtesy toward his mom. However, he still prefers the role of “annoying little brother” over the role of a “chivalrous knight” when it comes to his three sisters. CJ and I are working on that!

Here is how we are attempting to teach Chad to show honor to a woman:

Open her doors
Stand when she enters the room
Pull out her chair
Give up your seat for her
Carry heavy objects for her
Retrieve dropped items for her

"Stand when she enters the room?!" Yes. That's one gentlemanly courtesy with many wonderful benefits. For one, conversation usually pauses for this to happen, which is a gracious way to acknowledge a woman's presence. I know this firsthand because the men I work with do this nearly every day as I enter the morning meeting. It began when my boss, Pat Ennis, started the practice and soon the rest of the men followed. Admittedly, it can feel awkward at first. And sometimes I want to giggle because of the mad scramble. But you know what? Each time it happens it reminds me that I am a woman in the presence of men--and that there are implications for this in our assembling. Instead of being tempted to act like one of the guys, this simple courtesy reminds me that God made me to be different in being a woman. Not lesser than, just different.

I have another friend, Larry, who has been faithful to do this for years. Whenever the roaming horde of singles amasses at an area restaurant after church, he consistently stands to greet the women as they join the table. What a blessing it is to have your arrival acknowledged in this way! It's not romantic, but it is meaningful and refreshing in a season of extended singleness to have a man notice femininity in this simple way.

The series tackles these topics:

- "Son, Work Hard"
- "Son, Be a Good Steward of Your Finances"
- "Son, Keep Your Domain in Order"
- "Son, Kill a Bear or a Lion"
- "Son, Show Honor to Women"
- "Son, Lead Where Appropriate"

Bye, bye now! Go get those gems and enjoy!

That Masculine Edge

Pssst....I'll give you a tip. Focus on the Family's Boundless webzine has published an intriguing article this week that helps to explain men and that "masculine edge" that can be so alluring (or so repelling). See "Office Hours: New, Improved, and Lowered Standards" by J. Budziszewski to learn why there's a world of difference between a rusty pocket knife and a diamond-edged sword--and why a good man's edge can take time to discern.

A Man's Perspective on Pursuit

Don’t you wish sometimes that you could get inside a guy’s mind to understand how he thinks? Well, one man agreed to be my guinea pig. He happened to send an email with some observations about the women in his Bible study, so I asked if he would elaborate for the benefit of this blog’s readers. He good-naturedly agreed, so here are some of the highlights of our exchange. We’ll call him Connor for today. Connor attends an evangelical Bible church in Texas, one with many new believers—an important factor in this discussion.

Connor: I am volunteering as a co-leader in our singles group at the church with a lady. As in most cases we have a 5-to-1 ratio of women to men. The biggest struggle or problem I deal with is being smothered by the ladies. The last several weeks I have been approached by three of the ladies wanting to go out on dates. It is tough for me but I have turned them all down. My focus is entirely on leading this group with integrity and I feel like for me to be effective I need to be committed to them unattached. What can I do to limit or eliminate (I wish) these requests?

So I asked Connor if he could elaborate on what being “smothered” meant. Here is what he described:

Connor: The biggest problem with the ladies is their constant need for some attention. I realize that as a leader I am exposed to this certain issue. Because I am a hugger it tends to get me in trouble when trying to provide that pure male touch. I also have the wonderful gifts of mercy, compassion and encouragement which are helpful when leading this group. This in itself hooks them because I am attentive to their needs. I have an accountability partner in the female leader to make sure that I am not leading anyone astray. I also meet with two men’s groups during the week. I feel confident that I am not jeopardizing my ability to lead them by "just caring for them" in a righteous way. You were correct about the female leader. In the beginning I had to be straight with her about her advances. She had her subtle little flirtatious remarks and comments. We have a wonderful relationship now as brother and sister in the Lord. She has assured me that it is the ladies going places in their minds because of my availability. I don't see myself as “all that” but then again I do have a passion for Christ and that alone is enough for most women to feel secure and respected. The other leader has been talking for sometime now on doing a Bible study strictly for the single ladies and it sounds like it is time for that!

To be honest, I anticipated Connor’s description of himself—as well as his confidence that his motivations were godly and not giving mixed signals. I told him that he is the typical stumbling block in singles ministries—the hugger who is an empathetic and encouraging listener. Add to that his willingness to step up and lead a group, and you’ve got an irresistible draw for most ladies. No doubt, some might have been confused by his actions, especially if they weren’t aware that he was consistently treating other women in the same way. Since I’ve never met Connor, I can’t share any observations of his behavior, so for the purposes of this discussion we’re going to assume he’s not misleading anyone. (Let’s keep that assumption in the comments, too, please!) Now, there’s a lot here to unpack, but I wanted to further explore why Connor was reacting to the women’s initiatives as he did. So I asked another round of questions, which he willingly answered:

The Learning Curve for Leadership

When I study the Bible, I see that men and women need help in relating well to one another. Certainly I see in Scripture plenty of commands for husbands and wives about demonstrating godliness in marriage. If those things came naturally, I doubt God's Word would stress these areas. But obviously, even as redeemed men and women, sin still abounds. Both sides need help to grow to Christian maturity and fruitfulness in marriage.

1 Peter 3:7 says, "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered." This must mean it is not easy for men to understand us and to live in such as a way as to demonstrate that understanding--or else this command would be redundant.

Recently I was talking with a mother of only sons, and she remarked that it's not easy for young men to initiate relationships and to lead well in them. There is a learning curve for leadership--and it requires grace and faith from young women as these young men grow. Her husband spends lots of time talking to his sons about how to be clear and effective leaders when both are still single and having to relate to lots of women in general, but no one woman in particular.

"They want to lead well, but they are scared because they feel the women want fully-developed leadership when they've never done it before," this mother commented. "To grow in this area, it takes humility. A guy has to learn to laugh at himself."

I've been thinking a lot about this lately because our church has wonderful teaching about male-female relationships. By the grace of God, we also have many wonderful testimonies and examples in the courtships and marriages around us. But not every relationship is worked out in exactly the same way. We can't impose one set of experiences on another set of God's children--only God's principles transfer. Moreover, relationships are risky and messy, thanks to the inevitable sinful overflow of our hearts. We want to be godly, gracious, and patient at all times. We want to live out the love commandments of 1 Corinthians 13 and never be rude, impatient, or self-seeking. But then we find ourselves in situations we don't understand or want, and the sin overfloweth. Yuck.

"Likewise." It's such an important little word. You have to go back a few verses to see what Peter is talking about. In chapter 2, verse 11, he writes: "Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul. Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation." Then he goes on to write what this honorable conduct looks like in various situations, from servants to wives to husbands. After issuing these commands, he sums it up in this way: "Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing."

Scripture calls men to live in an understanding (i.e. considerate, respectful) way with their wives. Scripture calls women to respect, honor, and submit to their husbands with joy. These are particular expressions of the virtues listed above for all Christians: unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, tender hearts, humble minds. So what does that mean for single adults? Well, I think we need to remember we're all works in progress. A single man of 23 does not have the experience or capacity that a father and married man of 53 has, and it is unfair to compare them. In those 30 years came many relationships and responsibilities that have shaped the older man. Experience typically confers seasoning. Thanks to this mother of sons, I now more aware of how these virtues that Peter lists are sorely needed in us women as the men around us grow in initiating, leading, and communicating direction.

This post was part of the Carnival of Beauty's theme on the beauty of gentleness. The Carnival of Beauty exists to encourage women bloggers to write about the beauty of Christ in the blogosphere--a commendable endeavor!

Show Yourself A Man

I am often asked if I can recommend good materials for single men. To be honest, I haven't been paying attention! I've got my hands full with finding good resources for biblical femininity. However, I came across a great article today and wanted to flag it to the attention of any gentlemen stopping by this blog. The Winter 2006 issue of Southern Seminary's magazine, The Tie, is titled "Show Yourself a Man," and can be viewed in its entirety here. I trust you gentlemen will be encouraged reading it. As author Randy Stinson writes, "The Bible, when giving specific instruction and admonition to men, usually does so within three key categories: leading, providing, and protecting."

Here's an excerpt addressing how this kind of biblical masculinity can be cultivated on a daily basis. (Though it is framed in the context of growing in masculinity, I still found several points helpful in my own efforts to put off procrastination):

Do the hardest task first
Attacking your hardest task of the day without delay will build your resistance to passivity. Waiting until the end of the day only reinforces your sinful tendencies toward passivity.
Make the hard phone call first
While this is similar to the first suggestion, it deals more with passivity within interpersonal relationships. Some men are willing to do the hard task first, but avoid difficult situations involving other people.
Run to the battle
One only needs to consider the life of the Apostle Paul to see that conflict is a regular feature of the Christian life. Men who think all conflict should be avoided, or who refuse to engage with those who would harm the body of Christ or their family, not only model passivity but fail in the area of protection.
Do your work now as opposed to later
From term papers to tax filing, the man who is cultivating biblical masculinity will not allow these things to rule him. He will exercise dominion over them by doing them in a timely manner.
Keep your domain in order
While most of us on occasion have a messy desk or car trunk, a life that is characterized by disorder is evidence of passivity. Your home, dorm room, garage, office and car should bear the mark of your masculinity as you subdue it and keep it in order.
Kill a bear or a lion
In other words, do something that is a challenge for you. It may actually be to kill a bear or a lion, but it may be a health challenge like running a triathlon or a marathon. It may be something as basic as riding a roller coaster or as edgy as snorkeling with sharks. It may involve debating the atheist at work or starting a Bible study at home. It may mean you need to finally share the gospel with your lost friend or deal with a family conflict that you have allowed to go on for too long.

Ladies, I also encourage you to read this piece so that you will cultivate a vocal appreciation for the men around you who are pursuing biblical masculinity! PLUS...there's a great article included in this magazine edition about what to look for in a godly husband.